Poetry Forum

Cheers Dante... I feared that was the problem with this one.. It's a case of the writer understanding what it's about and not the reader! The poem is basically about 'going under' in a hospital environment, and the similarities I felt it had with suffocation, with lots of ridiculous images in betwee...

Lucky Paper I'm impressed by its practicality Its rough green Ripping itself Clean Into a bin I'm nothing underneath - Naked as a kidney-bowl. Prune Parchment stretched on my hand Like the skin-film of immunisation. Bloated water birth Be careful When you puncture it. Pin - One tap froze Stopped de...

An enjoyable piece Dante.. Captured a familiar feeling for me with this one.. If I can echo another poster it's that I alos think this poem needs some re-jigging structurally, for me the flow of the piece could be better, also for some reason 'on sand' grates in its present position.. Hope you dont ...

I can't offer any 'constructive' feedback at this time, but what I can say is that I thought this was wonderful! The language is fantastic.. it's like some meandering stream of thought which is all connected with the final two lines.. very much enjoyed.

Lena Gold Rings in a tin Full of lead Pellets - Extracted teeth In a mass-grave full Of fillings. A Great Grandfather's ring - Definitely Gold. There Beside the black Mark II pin A little plastic spyglass With a photo Of him Who you have begun to resemble So strikingly. Hands heavy with sovereignty...

This is cool. Got a beat vibe goin' on here.. liked very much.. is 'Tweet' at the end some ironic take on twitter and all that? Ambivalent baby..Excellent piece.

Really enjoyed this Suzanne, it was the title that caught my eye initially.. It's a great piece, honest, the tone is just right and I think the sparse (but not toooo sparse :) ) style really works.. It's very melancholy, the repeating sound of the 'there' rhyme gives it an eerie edge, like a dream o...

Riiiiiiiight.. I thought this one was dead and gone/ Shat it out in a few mins..

WAR IS GOOD
AIDS IS GOOD
GANG VIOLENCE IS GOOD
CRACK COCAINE IS GOOD
MASS-MURDER IS GOOD
ANYTHING THAT CONTRIBUTES TO DEPOPULATING THE EARTH IS GOOD

Andrew I’m throwing punches in my sleep Knife crime follows me into spinning car crashes collisions in dreams. I can feel the short Stanley blade jutting in my rib-cage. Her majesty. Her 'Majesty' never paid that 250 quid. That get off the phone and on the floor. That rush to the cage ID parade.

Cheers mate,

I'm not to sure about this one myself, 'spose that's why we all post here... Yeah you picked up what I was getting at..
Hmm. Do I like it?

Thanks again

Coop

Single Use Only Controlled fires bubble and spit spilt blood. Tacky like sugar- we have anti-bacterial motives. No trail of ants in the sun. Only drone and king alone. The flies appreciate flowers. Give them a chance and they’ll crawl up inside you. Inject themselves. That’s appreciation. The stenc...

It's a great album.. very moody, melacholic. Music for driving at night

I think you're right about the title. It's a reference to a depeche mode album that I used to hear him listening to at that time. Most of my memories are attached to it.

Another title I had was 'Sunbeam'

Violator

When I was young
my Dad would spend hours
in the garage below me

filling my room
with the smell of petrol.

After a time,
a classic would roll out beneath
burbling away like some beast renewed

and we would drive
sometimes.

Yeah, if I was gonna say anything about it, id agree with ray 'self-consciouslly paranoid.' It's a little too much for me, a little too aware of its standing as a 'contemporary' poem. I liked spit and spark...jitter and jive in S1, the use of extended ellipsis(??) works really well in drawing the re...

hello. it's nice, but can a spade get damp? or soiled.

I dunno I think it may be that some people in the face of your poems come over all inadequate... In my humble opinion what i've read of yours, is some of the best on the site. Poetry I actually want to read, and genuinely enjoy.
Now that the arse licking is over..

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

Left.. Right.. Left.. Right.. Left.. Right

Cinderella?

HA HA

Once upon a midnight dreary..

While I pondered..

Fail to see the originality in this.

But yeah give Wordsworth a go.. he's a poet y'know!

I'm researching into publishing outlets as part of a module for my degree.. Could people give me a few suggestions? It has to be suited to my work, so if anyone is familiar with it, and has a suggestion that would be great! But basically, anyone modern 'edgy' etc.. Thankyou, hopefully hear something...

Hello all, I'm sure you appreciate that this is a first draft, so some aspects are gonna be a tad rough. All of your points are good and I'm gonna incorporate them into a revised attempt. The changes won't be too drastic, for example, 'womaniser' to simply 'man'. Any further thoughts warmly recieved...

p

West Briton!

Acceptable

Watch out for those pink shirted boys

who after spending all night at Flamingo’s

like nothing more than a kick-a-bout

with someone’s head.