Poetry Forum

Thanks for the reply. You're right, 'fall that flag' doesn't quite work. But 'bring down' clashes with the final line though. How about 'hide'? Not sure about the title either, 'torches on screens' sounds affected too. What about 'Olympic relay' - trying to keep it simple and more intelligible? Turn...

Yeah, I probably should have been more specific... I was thinking about the Olympic relay in fact - so you were a little far off the mark, but watching TV as a job would be somewhat flattening! Visual news is traumatic and damn frustrating - trying to pull a bit of that out. Thanks for the comment, ...

Turning
from a day’s TV,
make-up & news:

‘arrest that blemish,
fall that flag -
fill in the rest.’

Staid work this, ‘cept
for fat eye-balls
left, buttoned down

I really enjoyed this...It has a rhythm which draws you in and uses words of a distinct environment.

Very nice

I enjoyed the style here, offbeat. The ending though, as others have said, does seem somewhat abrupt.

In a collision
of spores
they are born

writing themselves
in the language
of night
and decay

one rune,
that’ll fall in a cup
& pass unseen

another,
colonise a plate

every crop
an entropy
and a fruit

Hey,

I'm new too. New to internet forums in general in fact.

This site appears to me as a fantastic place to share ideas and see what is out there so hats off to you all.

It's great to see that so many people are throwing out lines...

An interesting piece. Just a thought on the transitions: from suggesting that the counselling was no fun you go on to add a caveat, 'but oh what traumas talking teases'. Now traumas for some might well be fun but for the majority I assume that they are not. I think that if you take on a sadistic lin...

I enjoyed reading this one. You make used of some interesting juxtapositions: bones/embers stars/lips words/eyes. I am wondering though, as the previous post suggests, whether it could be trimmed somewhat to give it a more protrusive direction. Thinking about the first stanza: [quote="Brotherfe...