Poetry Forum

Thanks very much for your encouraging comments. I agree with you that it will not appeal to modernists. But hey, I am anything but modern and I think there is a place for my kind of old fashioned, easy-to-read stuff.

Thank you for putting me in my place. I apologise genuinely for being too destructive and negative. I am only giving a response straight from my heart. I find the poem extremely disturbing. Now, I would never stand in the way of a writer who wanted to express himself however he wishes. but I believe...

kick you in thr crutch
I also confused my arse
with my ears. Oh bum

Ok

I find your obsession with the subject rather disturbing. You say it is not about abortion, but it clearly is. Please stop.

On routes honed by time and repetition they amble with such purpose, up and down the clean white floors, oblivious. I'm sorry but when I read the first verse, I thought this was about the mentally impaired wandering about in their hospitals. Perhaps our meanderings about supermarkets is but trainin...

I'm afraid I'm going to be a bit brutal. I thought the poetry,form and images were quite good. But I think you have failed to give the subject the passion it deserves. You write of a poor, sad and hopeless creature damaged, possibly destroyed by out need for crude oil. However the poem reads like a ...

Baz, Thanks for your suggested improvement - no need to apologise . I think, however, I prefer my aeons. Your aeons seem to be some kind of extra-terrestrial life that enjoys crushing sea-life? My aeons took ages to develop so I think I'll stick with them. Ta anyway and please do keep helping me out.

This hit home - sadly.

I am a complete sucker for 'weighting' instead of 'waiting'.

But I am a simple soul

The more I reads it the better it gets. I think it's brilliant.

I nb'd the colour stuff but wasn't nearly sharp enough to get the rainbow mnemonic.

(why isn't there a mnemonic to help you to spell minumonick?)

I don't know why no-one has commented on this. Personally I have held off because I find it very depressing. It is extremely well constructed and the images are vivid. I just don't happen to like those images - they make me too sad. I wonder if this is what other people think.

Much shorter and better than the film - and without that really annoying girl (wotsername).

Aww poor urchin. I felt really sorry for the poor creature after reading this. I hope he had a happy urchin life.

Hot

Outstanding. You have addressed a very macabre topic in a totally refreshing, accommodating and acceptable manner. I found myself quite enjoying the image of the bones, rather than feeling somewhat squeamish as I would usually do when thinking of dead folk. in macabre modesty is inspired.

Very good - we've all been there. I thought the change from smell to taste on the last line was a bit abrupt - maybe that is what you intended.

I think it is a grea poem. You have really captured the essence and urgency of a boat race.

Brilliant image. You just know that your glasshouse is about to be shattered when she inevitably starts throwing. (Hope I'm not being sexist - don't mean to be)

Thank you everyone for your helpful advice. I think I will give the poem as it stands to my counsellor as Richard suggests. It is not perfect, but she would not expect that. In addition I will work on cutting it down and simplifying the punctuation to make it stand up better as a piece of work. Than...

Great stuff. It brought back memories of playing in my local scrap yard as a kid and also nearly crashing many times when I used to smoke and drive.

A very easy to read yet complex poem - I liked it. I didn't fully understand 'cloud-teared concrete slab,' though.

Thanks Elphin. I hope changes are allowed in the comp. I can get anywhere from 6 to 9 syllables in the second line. The version in my head now has 7! Cometition Entry Fossil sea-life skeleton for aeons crushed and transformed fuels my motor now First Version Fossil sea-life skeleton aeons crushed an...

My counsellor helped me to rescue my life. I fell in love with her during the counselling but of course I had to leave in the end. I wrote her this note. I would be very grateful for your help and advice on how to make it better. Bittersweet Farewell Once a worthless, broken wretch; Wounded, flawed,...

Wow

Thanks TDF - your re-write is a vast improvement on mine. I will spend sometime now studying why yours is so much better. I am extremely grateful for your help.

Silly question elphin.

What is a Hallmark feeling?

Yes there are people in the world so naive.

I hope the answer doesn't hurt!

After a few reads I interpret this as someone waiting to be hanged in the morning - am I right? If I am then may I suggest that you tell the reader a little more about the subjects ensuing fate? Also I am a little confused as to whether it is Fagin or Oliver who will be hanged. I am probably missing...