Poetry Forum

I'm not quite sure what you're asking me here. I did not criticise the image of the 'dancing' itself, I only thought that the repitition weakened the effect. Using the same verb (i.e. 'dance') twice is the problem! I did get your picture (and liked it, by the way). So, in that sense, you're not wron...

This is not a bad piece, wabbit. It might not be the most original of all but I find that you have made good use of vocabulary and images: bleary eyes, twinkling sunbeams, caress with light etc. Another imaginative thought is the suggestion that the 'sunbeams warm up your heart'. Well done with that...

@ Wabznasm, Thank you for your comments and the effort you put into your critique. Let me comment on a few things, though: What does apostrophic mean? I can't make sense of that word in that context. Then, I'm afraid you're right. I can twist it and turn it but the grammatical error remains. You did...

I don't want to promote my style, but why don't you like rhymes, arunansu? Don't you think that poetry put into rhyming (not forced, but well executed rhyming) is the closest we can get to poetic beauty? I can see that you might say that many amateurs don't reach that level and therefore their rhymi...

Obviously... Rhyming's the best - despite what some people nowadays say. Glad you like it, though...

Like TDF I like the line with the to smooth or to smother . Does anyone know a name for this - is there a proper term for this stylistic device?! Anyway, it sounds very good. Good in a different way is the second line: silence succeeding sunset . Nice alliteration and an original thought as well. Th...

Oh desperate Hope, causing such pain! Showing the wrong way, again and again. Turning my head 'round, away from what's true: Ignoring the facts and just following you. Encouraging dreams that never will be, Clouding my reason, not letting me see: That life is not perfect but has its dark side, That ...

Wabbit, it's a bit difficult to explain exactly what I mean, but let me try anyway: As I said, the And there at that point where the blue met the green, / Was the arc of a rainbow sounds really good, very picturesque use of language and I like the image of the 'arc'. That's very well written. After ...

That was an enjoyable read, wabbit: easy to understand and relate to, some very nice lines and on the whole good metre and rhymes. I liked the And there at that point where the blue met the green, / Was the arc of a rainbow particularly much although the 'teem'-rhyme and the inversion has a bit of a...

I liked this piece, Mike. It has a neat structure and good rhymes too. They actually all sound well and not forced; I find, they work well together. Above that, I especially like the parting’s pain. and the passion's passing sigh , very beautiful use of language. I can't say much about the content a...

I know what you mean, Oscar. And isn't there a charm about having loads of thoughts, ideas and fragments scribbled on some piece of paper....

Don't you find that writing poetry on the computer is kind of inappropriate?! Can you be inspired when sitting in front of the monitor and writing down your thoughts on the keyboard?! And isn't a piece of paper and a pencil/pen way handier to jot down ideas, rhymes, thoughts - and then you can see h...

Thanks for the comment, kozmikdave. You're right, it should have been 'light', just a silly typo which I just corrected. Cheers for pointing it out.

A heart whence warm affections flow, Creator, Thou hast given to me, And am I only thus to know How sweet the joys of love would be? ... Anne Brontë, thou hast spoken well And said a thing that true may be, 'Cause often on that thought I dwell That love is just a dream for me. A dream that never ma...

@ all, Thanks for all the comments so far. It's true that some rhymes are a bit forced, it is very difficult to avoid that completely and sometimes I just have to play around with the word order or something to make it work... It is similarly no surprise that the topic is not very original or anythi...

Quite an interesting and extensive piece. Personally I would have welcomed some more structuring in the form of stanzas. That would make it a bit easier to read although the flow of thoughts that you portray might be better captured by an uninterrupted poem. So maybe you're right in your choice of s...

@ Mike, I have to say, I'm a bit confused with what you wrote. Are you praising me or did you try to criticise someting? What you write about the third level sounds very interesting but I'm not sure what to make of it. Are you saying that my rhymes are generally speaking 'good' or do you find them i...

My personal favourite would undoubtedly be Anne Bronte. I know Emily is said to be the best poem of the three sisters but personally I find Anne surpasses her. The way she writes is just beautiful, straightforward and I find it very easy to relate to what she writes. Above that brilliant imagery ( B...

Lake, let me also mention a couple of things: On the whole, I'd say I'm not sure I agree with your other critics. I for my part liked the lack (or better: deliberate non-use) of verbs. Does it not illustrate the calmness and serenity? I think it does. Therefore I'd leave it the way it is. Also, I re...

As already said, this poem isn't easy to get and understand. Some lines are definitely ambiguous, if not even outright unclear, I'm afraid. The image of frozen poultry is one of them - my attempt to interpret that would go along TDF's line: does it symbolize the mundaness of the world? If so, I'd sa...

Closure - yes, that's what I need: Get over you and on with life, Ignoring my heart's crying plead That seemèd silenced by a knife. A knife of words and dire looks, Sharpened by honesty and truth. No comfort can I find in books: No remedy to calm or sooth. A wound that only time can heal Your cruel ...

This actually quite an interesting poem - and as you can see by the replies everyone likes a different line so somehow the whole thing must be kind of good, eh?! I like the she sighs - an undiscovered Princess / of a Kingdom yet to be written . This motive of mystery is very well expressed in this l...

As a new member here, let me give you a view of your poem 'The Hug'. It's been the best I've read so far on this page; and I looked through quite a few because I wanted to comment on a poem I liked and felt was worth commenting on: Your poem has two characteristics I find important in poetry - two c...