Poetry Forum

Ok I’ve had a rewrite and tried to include your suggestions, many thanks for them. This was a very personal poem and describes my feelings as I was sitting in a hospital waiting room. I’ve never explained the meaning to anyone, so here’s a 1st. “Sadness tears into your heart, wrings your very soul.”...

Thanks for the comments Tom Ill go through them and see if I can tweak things. The date is just when it was written, 7 days after my dad died. During that time poems just popped into my head and I had to write them down. Funnily it just started happening again, so hope its not an omen :lol: Always w...

Sadness tears into your heart,
wrings your very soul.
When darkness comes,
light goes down,
shadows climb the wall.
Death it tolls its haunting bell,
emotions crawl away.
If I can have another wish,
to live another day.

23-1-1996

I really like this and with some fine tuning I think you'll have a good one. Personally I like the "aerolite" line ... and my apologies Ive taken the liberty of adding my edit below although I find its never the same when someone suggests lines. My Lincolnshire is wet grass, cool air, dark...

I like this although one part doesnt quiet work for me. Having said that I think that poetry is subjective in its nature and what works for one might not for another. The bit that I get stuck on each time I read it is.. "extra morphine for the pain eased him on his way again ." I think the...

Im new on here so dont feel qualified to comment too much on others words. In general I like the words but I shall only comment on the 1st verse. He gazed out through steamy panes to where rain mirrored indoor moisture, running down sheer glass sheets in rivulets to pool in hopeless futility on sill...

Im new on here, so I dont feel qualified to comment too much on others words.

I quite like the simplicity of this, my vote would go to the 1st ending.