Poetry Forum

Thanks.
I've got a fair few prints of those. Been thinking of selling them for a while but haven't gotten around to it.

Burgess and Kerouac? Thanks- I was conscious of doing a Kerouac kind of thing but not Burgess. Funny though, I loved the writing style of Clockwork Orange. I found it extremely easy to read, which contrasts with what others have said about the book- translating the slang engaged my mind more than us...

Yeah, i've been thinking the exact same thing- there's nothing going on here at all. I think I can hear the tumbleweeds blowing past.
The poetry forums obviously get a bit more attention but its very quiet in here.

Thanks WMT, Yeah it was a good night. I am writing a lot of random things lately, trying to concentrate on what I know. I enjoy writing poetry but I just don't think I get it, and subsequently I don't really know how to write it. Having said that I like trying to using poetic-type language as a sort...

hey WMT, no in-depth insights or crits here but it does remind me of certain similar events of my childhood. I thought it was a particularly callous ending, despite the obvious humour. I wasn't quite sure if Wee John had bought the farm or if he was just sore. Apart from that I think it needs a litt...

TDF- funny that I just happened along the day after you posted, its been a while since I dropped in here... The last two images are etchings from copper plates. I also love the results etching gives and I think it really suits the way I draw. Unfortunately its a rather complex process starting befor...

OAF, the subterranean home of Sydney's scenester crowd also happens to be one of the most shrewd and current places in the city. The place is real Black. The patrons are all in black, black in everything but skin- black hair, black jeans, black coat, black gloves. Stockings: black. Black frames on b...

Hey there, No comments? Maybe there's not much to criticize... I quite liked this story, simple and charming. I think the tone suited the subject matter quite well, the whimsical, quaint storytelling felt fresh and not overly laboured. With its simple moral ending I could picture this story punctuat...

Hi Cooper, Not sure if this is the draft for an excerpt or an entire short story but I don't feel like there's enough going on here to really pull me in to the story. Obviously there's something strange going on at Jack's new workplace but the piece lacks the mystery to make us ask why. One minute J...

Some of these shots are very Storm Thorgerson, king of surreal album art.

Thanks again everyone for the advice.

I'm not sure that I'll give this piece an overhaul at any point but your responses have been very useful.

Thanks for the critiques, I appreciate it. I dashed this out in about half an hour and posted, which seems like a sure way to put your shortcomings on show... The mixed structure and rhyme was a bit of an experiment- i tend to tighten things up with rhyme to the point where (i think) my stuff reads ...

Pulling the bottle to his lips he draws a black sugar kiss, acid burning sharply in his throat. Afternoon sun bakes his skin. Thinking of her hips makes him feel like this: A caught fish floundering in the boat and that moment you throw it back in, it bursts back to life. The sun is bright, the sky ...

Hey Cooper, I had a feeling those were ecstasy references but, even with your explanation of that aspect, the first stanza seems a little disconnected. I don't feel like its in halves, just that the first stanza seems to be about something different. Maybe you could rework the opening stanza to set ...

Post-coital awkwardness. There's nothing like it. I like the way you're playing with sex and the fear of intimacy- "you can fuck me, just don't cuddle me" In light of that, I like the way we shift seal-like to the summits of our designated bedsides, turns the lovers somewhat unflatteringly...

Now it seems that the ref was the recipient of the death threats things make a lot more sense! So does the way S1 reads, when you write it the way you have in the later post. I don't know much about half rhymes... something I should find out about I guess. I don't know much about the English League ...

I'm not sure about the first stanza either- the death threats feel like they need a little more explanation to me. We're already told in the opening line that the ref is a cheater so we know he's throwing the game but the death threats seem to introduce a darker element. In terms of rhythm throughou...

In response to a couple of the crits I've taken out the refrain to see how it reads. Maybe because I've been reading it with them for a while now the flow between stanzas seems more disjointed to me. I had, at one point, conceived this piece to be spoken over music. The repetition of the refrain sor...

Thanks a lot og, You picked out several things I've been unsure of myself- the hyphens in the tower of cards line, how to properly phrase the 'swallowed' line and even the refrain. I'll take another look... Its interesting you mention the personification of the city as a woman. I have definitely env...

Just thought I'd post some info about Saul Williams. He's a bit of a newcomer and I'd be interested to see what people think. I guess Saul considers himself a poet and an MC (or emcee), having published several books of written poetry as well as having released a couple of alternative hip hop based ...

Thanks for the warm welcome guys,
We're just heading into winter here so its probably just as dark and rainy here as it is over there. Good weather for writing though.
As for Saul Williams, I'll post something about him in one of the other threads in case anyone else is interested.

I can't tell the difference between this stuff and the 'good' stuff.
God's sperm falling? I need an umbrella.

Andy Goldsworthy is a clever guy. Richard Long is quite good too.
His sculptures go hand in hand with his 'textworks'- i think its safe to call them poems.

http://www.richardlong.org/

I thought I might post a couple of things I have lying around on the net. Here they are... http://img.photobucket.com/albums/1003/expat/portrait.jpg http://img.photobucket.com/albums/1003/expat/skull.jpg http://img.photobucket.com/albums/1003/expat/1bansai.jpg http://img.photobucket.com/albums/1003/...

Hey Milu, It has already been said but portraits can be tough, and TDF pretty much covered all the points- practice being the major one, and learning to see being a close tie. Drawing from life is invaluable too. I started drawing from a young age copying cartoons, photos or whatever I could find an...