Poetry Forum

twinkles in our eyes
serve to highlight excitement
do you feel horny?

Well Hello I thought you’d be here already. Buttons loose sat in a puddle of hips held forward unique anticipation. Yes, I vacated some time ago but dropped by to see who breathes or ponder those who do not. I hadn’t really though this far ahead. So not for long I might add. The pondering that is. I...

The churlish wind batters the car. There are no dead bodies beneath. Mmmn, not sure about this opening two lines. I can see that you have opened with something descriptive which begins to set a scene. The next line tells me what is not present which leaves me to either bring my own impression of wha...

Spring with open leaves?
If that is all you have got
then find better lines

Where have you been, they ask, and what I can announce is not much. I have been away to where the hand and eye do not deceive, I think this could be a good a starting point to lead into the poem, though for me it seems to wander slightly into obscurity and gives me a sense that the author is getting...

caught me looking
her pale flesh invites my gaze
I won't disappoint

Unintentionally I find my old pen in the back of a drawer its patina fools my last recall of heady strophes I scrawled in haste in lazy hours through lonely days You had a thing for fucked up trees dark carbon tracks where thunder shook when lightning struck as if to please I know you hid your child...

Interesting piece, quite a lot to ponder in the brevity of its compact form. I kind of get the impression that it is more meaningful to a particular individual and I'm sneaking a peak at something not meant for me. Therefore it gets me pondering and not really resolving completely. Quite enjoyable t...

your smile worth it
more than any asking price
the number is five

Riffage

Blow it out
and what the hell
let's establish the nature
of our proximity.
Light in this vernacular
is not my default setting,
I'm looking to disconcert
and I'm guessing you like that.




.

This looks like you've put some effort into the construction which I'm not sure is what I should be taking from my reading. A couple of the line breaks feel as though they are having to accommodate the rigid rhyme which actually performs best with the compare/beer line end which seems far less contr...

You might want to try articulating this in a way which comes more from your gut than the slightly naïve and predictable approach you have employed. Perhaps get yourself worked up about it and draft some raw output derived from your passion regarding the subject. Most of us know the planet is run by ...

I took this while back and never got round to posting

The effects used work well to highlight and give interesting impressions.

thanks

Danté

Thanks Suzanne, I submitted a piece today, I hope if it's included it doesn't appear that I had special treatment, what with the closing date having passed and all that. Yes I have a studio at home which I'm adding to all the time, as I identify useful equipment. I intend helping others record who h...

I kind of missed the deadline for the anthology, but then I'm sure there are better poems than mine to choose from. My writing has switched to lyrics which probably better suits my uneducated approach, what with having the music to mask my grammatical ineptitude. I do have a read here from time to t...

A4 wet on dry 425gsm Windsor and Newton water colour paper. (scanned)

Thanks Marten, you raise some good points. It's an experimental picture and I'm probably not representing some elements in a way which comes across as I hoped. The actual picture is more vibrant at the blue end of the spectrum which makes the rippled area around the feet come across more like the in...

I can't say it does much for me, but I can appreciate the observation required to notice/find the composition. I think there are a few people here who could come up with something comparable if looking for composition which has striking qualities.

Delph_ambi, thanks for your reply, your input in respect of the earlier versions along with John’s observations helped me see things which one tends to gloss over when trying to be self critical. It’s not perfect but it looks quite striking in the flesh and I’m pleased with the overall impression. T...

I tried to send a PM and searched him using the similarly named facility at the top of the page to no avail, might be me being daft lol

Danté

Mmmm Well BenJohnson seems to no longer exist as part of the forum lol so I guess that fcucks that idea unless he now posts under another alias.

Danté

I intended to get straight on with another attempt at this, but work commitments have kept me away from creativity for a week or so. Anyway, I moved further below the high water line and altered the perspective and time of day in this attempt. I'm going to use this one as I am not really keen on pai...

Once again this seems to be highlighting the issue of it being in one's face on a back-lit pc screen as opposed to viewing at a sensible distance with the light coming off the picture being natural or the same as that affecting the appearance of its surroundings. I'm not sure if using the same green...

Nice set of images Marten, I especially enjoyed the Starbucks picture with its shift in light hue and composition.

all the best

Danté