Poetry Forum

If you just want to tell us your emotions, you don't need poetry

That's just about as stupid a comment as your talcum powder reference.

FWIW, Zoot I can understand how you feel because you've written an intensely personal poem, but I think that the criticisms that have been made are valid. "but refuse my lips to move" IMHO is at odds with the rest of the piece. I think ,though, that if you applied similar constructs to th...

If you want to call it archaic, then fine that's your prerogative... However I certainly don’t take the crowbar reference on board, and the talcum powder comment is just crass. Oh dear, looks like I've offended. Certainly not the intention. Apologies, zsm. But I guess that's what you have to expect...

I found this very interesting to read. I struggle to crit, and believe I always take the easy option when having to write something about another persons work. If there is a structure that can start you off on the road to writing valid and insightful criticism, then I for one would like help. Howeve...

I really enjoyed reading this. Personally, i don't think theres anything wrong with your inversion of words. At times, it can sound conceited to do so, but the ideas behind this poem are what drive it, and so lines like 'But to move my lips refuse' actually come across as very heartfelt, and even d...

Self Loathing How do you feel big man? How does it feel to take someone’s love hand in glove with another, so sentient being. Life! Don’t talk to me about life or feeling, a heart as big as a planet and not enough love to go round. Are you a comfortable Casanova? I think you know the answer. And th...

Brian - I loved this, it ran, it tumbled, it came helter skelter off the page. Pauline - That had a great scheme, easy on the ear rhymes and got the message across. Bodkin - The use of brackets in poetry had always confused me. Are they to appraise the reader of concious thought, rather than descrip...

zootsuitmod -- interesting mixture of (mostly) full rhymes on the line ends) but some nicely slanted internal rhymes: "dislike", "astride"; "intone", "listen"; and "spout pouting" is a nice assonance. Oh yes just the way I planned it to be.............

The Jaded Executive

How I dislike a Conference
To intone my vapid view,
I like to sit astride the fence
And listen to the dull debut
Of up and coming upstarts
Who; without the slightest clue
Spout pouting clichés from the heart,
Then join the unemployment queue.

Mosaic She fields the familiar February question: here comes Dad's birthday and what shall we get him? Last year they made a photographic mosaic, a diary of warmness to winter's decaying; the feeding of bottles and reading of stories, my hair set in bobbles and children guffawing; teaching the beau...

Snowscape More snow falls on the sugar coated fields. Listen to the cornflour crunch, which every foot fall yields, Forging on my freezing way, across the bright white wealds. Oaks stand sentry, cloaked in their winter clothes, While small angelic snowflakes Melt kisses on my nose. Such beauty that...

Hi Craig Lets start with the positives. There are some great lines, images and sentiments expressed in this piece. At first glance I thought it to be probably two or three stanzas too long, but on reading them I think every one is justified. The opening put me in mind of the Kinks song, Lazing on a ...

Paralysis My body aches for your soft touch That calming hand that soothes all ills, But though I miss you, oh so much Some future life I can’t instil. My heart cries out “I love you”, But to move my lips refuse My brain screams out “I need you”, But my phone remains unused. To think of you in happ...

I'm in.

Ok, count me in.

pffa? pfft. Pay them no more mind, zoot. As to this, I see you're still channelling Sir John to good effect. It reminds me of something in particular. Is it Senex ? Definitely something on the album that Jim Parker made of settings of SJB reading his poems in the 70's, which I asked for - and got -...

Nice sentiments. "speech is irrelevant" I found a bit clumsy, and it has a bearing on the next line. How do words become a gun, if speech is immaterial, or beside the point? Do you think the piece would better if you cut the last three lines of the last stanza in half and made a small chan...

I loved the second piece. Caring and thoughtful.
These Tankas have the ability to conjure up a mental image in only five lines with very little descriptive qualities.
For some reason this brought to mind Edgar in King Lear, “Sit you down Father, rest you”

"she grew quiet as I recited the poem that took a lifetime to sprout" You managed to conjure in my mind a complete life story in 5 lines I see it as an affirmation of love from one person towards another after a long period together, and perhaps the realisation from the one who grows quiet...

I ws a bit upset at first, but it makes me laugh now
I think that's the trick. The mods never seem to post their own opinions or fixes, so you never know if your talking to a poetic genius or just someone who's into verbal S&M.

No personal reference meant Dante, and I hope none taken?
Glad to be back

"And there will be fat tears to fill these empty honey jars; love's nectar, I wanted to make for you, someday, your tongue will long for the taste of my sweet toil and find only my tears." That is a fantastic stanza, very heartfelt and moving. From one who knows first hand, I wish I had wr...

If anyone read the post I just deleted, I'm sorry. I'll be good and post criticism on other peoples work as well as my own from now on. What has brought on this change of heart, well I was on my way to Damascus................... Stopped off here, http://www.everypoet.org/pffa/index.php looking for ...

Decay I wish I could forget your love Which brought such pain to me! And never to regret your love I managed to upset your love, With thoughts of misery. To hear your plaintive tearful cries Accusing to my ear. To understand your fearful cries I much preferred your cheerful cries, When I was more s...

Thanks
Duly noted, changed, and yes it does read much better.