Poetry Forum

Christmas Haircut Time for your Christmas haircut sir? A lowering of ears get scalped without a cowboy hat or Tonto’s distant jeers. A cut like Frank Sinatra then your word is our command we’re not like other barber poles we’ll style you or be darned. You settle down, I’ll get the strop make sure yo...

yes can see that rob, in the uk sneaked is used as.....secretly crept....snuck we don't really use.....thanks for the comments
El

The World’s Gone Out (EDIT) thanks all The world’s gone out. It stole my moleskin trilby grabbed a beige Mack by the door and scooted. Leaving my dwelling on the good times of fourteen across, pencilled in and near completion. I sketched missing links on wallpaper got out of my brain slid to the flo...

am having a good think on these comments...can see me using a lot of them
thanks
El

v2 The World’s Gone Out. It stole my moleskin trilby grabbed a beige Mack by the door and scooted. Leaving my dwelling on the good times of fourteen across, pencilled in and near completion. I sketched missing links on paper got out of my brain slid to the floor and wandered about, seeing things as ...

The core of the poem I like, but, I can make no sense of: still fresh stars break silence from their moorings to light our steps. Particularly as it goes on to say: Heads lift briefly, but no sound . Why not just have the stars just break from their moorings, no sound involved, then the later no so...

"sand-ices with froth" I don't quite see, don't get the ice part.I think the stars would best just break free from their moorings, rather than silence. From "Then Biblical fanfares " is lost on me, I'm afraid. You seem to spend a lot of time at the seaside. I've said it before, ...

David wrote:

El Wow! wrote:not really mark....tideswash is a well used phrase for that wet section of a beach where the tide rushes up and recedes

It is?

funny that david...but now i try to find it, seems i'm the sole user.oh well, i like it lol
cheers
El

Marc wrote:Enjoyed, and fwiw I got the Iced-sand thing straight off.

Should it be "tide's" in the wash/ carpet rolls? I think so...

A nice piece,

Marc

not really mark....tideswash is a well used phrase for that wet section of a beach where the tide rushes up and recedes
thanks for commenting
El

Some great images, but I feel you need to put the first line into present tense for consistency... Sorry, I don't agree. It's perfectly legitimate, in my view, to establish that an event was in the past, then go on to describe it as if you are re-living it (present tense). Anyhow, this struck me as...

delph_ambi wrote:Some great images, but I feel you need to put the first line into present tense for consistency, or else go back into past at the end of the poem.

i don't see it myself
but thanks for reading

El

if i could spend more time at the seasisde ray i would lol, thanks for replying. yes i see that the stars silence sounds odd, i may change it. sand -ices with froth means.....the sea sand ices (like icing a birthday cake with icing) except with sea froth. The biblical fanfares are the soundsa of the...

We walked Small Hope step by paddled step skirmishing with seaweed ribbons. A necktie of laced shoes lovingly kiss at my nape. Feet scuff sea as it sand-ices with froth. We say nothing, still fresh stars break silence from their moorings to light our steps. Heads lift briefly, but no sound. I steal ...

I hang motives on coat pegs
that surround an empty room,
dubious raincoats that curve their sleeves

had to write that first because i was that impressed
three tremendous lines for me

El

Bone idle sounds good to me geoff... the shortening of cross has come up before, i'm told it shouldn't be done these days, dunno why.
and i agree with most of the rest, but then i spose i would
thanks geoff
El

i flew straight back to school then b lol
cheers
El

Oskar wrote:

Good luck with your new set of circumstances.

not sure what my new circs are oskar, but ta anyway lol

El

Hi peter, yes she's a great poet, but even she lets the meter slip in the last verse there, twice. But if the tale is strong enough, hopefully the rhyme becomes translucent.
thanks
El

a beautiful winding tale suzanna,,,and my top line, with ethereal essences was;
when blackbirds hold their breath
and the wind's soft white whispers
won't even rustle a leaf.

real nice

El

brianedwards wrote:

ray miller wrote:"sit shoeless" is hard to say.

Ha! I had meant to mention that, yes!

I dunno....a finger in each side of the mouth lol

cheers B

Hi again ray, think it actually looks longer in stanzas too.
on the eye spy lines i think i use the commas as breating spaces, else yes, i'd remove it,
lol yes sit shoeless.....a bit polly sits behind the door-ish lol
but i shall not relent
lol
cheers ray

I think it's the rhyming that you refer to as brave oskar, dunno why, its all i wrote for my first 6 years poeming, was a bugger to break free of, so i let the addiction loose a whileThanks for the welcome backs....and that thomas hood poem was a goody i know, way way back when. The rosy old fashion...

Hi Brian. ..Long time ns, you look pale, have a holiday!
Now i like clime, old but under used, though i'll definitely agree with you over heart, musta been in a hurry at the end. And yes, stanza don't really affect me either
ta for kind words
El

hi clara.....return to me, is as a lover, so i've just whacked in a comma for breath, see your idea though. Have alsop left some space a la stanzas, although as brian says, makes little difference to me either, but others may disagree. I like rhymimg, hardly a soul does it these days for varying rea...

Return to me, my back yard cage of green I fill the pool and drag a wicker chair sit shoeless with my robin’s chirping preen while concentration scribbles what is there. Around the world and back, within my head a broom full-swept those corners clear of dark then down the stairs where judgment makes...