Poetry Forum

then find better lines,
folded notes, and written sighs
empty your pockets

then, find better lines
we've crow's feet in the corners
twinkles in our eyes

Well Hello back at you, Danté! It's a pleasure to read you again. I fly by every now and again but have not held a pen for a poem in a very long time. I admit I am quite rusty. I had to stop though when that steely blue eye avatar popped up. Oh, lol, your poem! These are the best lines IMHO: I thoug...

Up for new built homes
Fresh paint smells of beginnings
Bluebells mark the path

Thanks for the comments. I used some of them and edited. I'd not written a poem since my last visit! I know it's a little dull but, I wrote a poem. Lol. I always wonder if I still can do it. Thanks, Jackie, for the Jesse reference! Best compliment that it was brought to mind. Hi, David! Thank you, I...

Spring in the Hollow The leaves are still buds on the branches of the birch and the breeze blows bitter through the window. That blue of the sky reminds me of something I cannot quite put my finger on... Was it the water in your bath or your now unused coffee cup? You taught me that emptiness was be...

Hi bjondon,

The title doesn't seem connected to the thing. I'm not sure what message you are trying to convey to the reader more than the N is a shit.

I just don't know.
Suzanne

Hi, The first lines were fun to read, good rhythm. The topic brings an immediate emotional response, like trauma. Red Hatters was not as smooth as red hatted hero. I also don't believe they deserve capitalization no matter how aroggant they seem. He says he's built a wall. He says lots of things. Su...

Oh Ray, you are quite a creative writer, amazing poet. You must have books of them now.

I fully enjoyed this.

Suzanne

"the Church as meaningful as cardigans;
the Monarchy clutching stamps in wrinkled hands—"

A very strong visual encompassing the vulnerabilities of both historical and present citizens.

Dylan is a lovely name.

Well, that was pleasant to read.

Thanks.
I think I need to write another poem.

Thank you, Ross from down under. The couplets were an accident. I agree with you about that.
Thank you for your thoughtful comments.

And thank you, Jackie, for yours, too. I liked that you felt the tension in this. Enjoyed your comments very much.


Suzanne

This is lovely. I think that if it was titled Holding hands, so words that would covey the last stanza you wanted to add, it wold work. the tile, now, is fine and good but it could be even better if it did a little of the work for your message. Also: so my grandad said, and her hands would have been...

Hi. Thank you for the replies and apologies for the long delay in thanking you for your time. I have tweaked it a bit. Seems like i wrote it a very long time ago. Poetry, it is like deciding to take a long bath. You don't always have the time to do it. No matter how pleasant. Just saying. Warmly, Su...

Pauline,

This is still fantastic. Takes my breath away.
Did it get published? do it. Send it.

So rich. I think it's alive.


Warmly,
Suzanne

The number is five,
I don't know why that matters:
It's my new guitar.

Staying Safe He tells me we need a fence. I adjust the twists of barbed wire. The flesh of my shoulder has a moment of relief from the weight of the spool carried through the dry, or muddied, beige seasons. Another fence. I feel my eyes roll, my eternal ageless self balking in a subtle release of en...

Hi Ray,

I think the title I great.

My favorite lines were the last four of the first section. Nice imagery and sound.

You've caught your subject so well.
I'm left feeling an endearment for this character.

Suzanne

Hi firebird,

I think adding some color or sound would enhance the whole. Just a thought.

Suzanne

I love this. The crisp colors reflect life. Well done, Pauline. And I love the title.

Here.



Well, I peek now and again, too.
Not writing these days but always wanting to...

I miss you people and the place.

Suzanne

Thank you, Mac and 68degrees.

I thought my last lines read awkwardly. I was not completely sold on the word vapor for the clouds but could not think of another word. Ether didn't seem right...

And wondered about my title.

This seems like a poem unfinished.

Thanks for the comments.
Suzanne

I apologize if it came across rude. It was not my intention. I honestly believe it is good to have diversity here. I equated your preference to those who have a preference for minimalism. Saying I will remember when I critique next time was meant to be supportive of your preference because the under...

You asked: Why should a poem be any different? Well, a poem hanging in a museum or published in an equivalent honor, maybe should, or shouldn't but this poem is not that. This poem was posted in a Writer's Workshop, in the experienced section which assumes you wanted critical feedback to work on it....

We understood what Dorothy was saying and assumed, unless she's mad, that it had meaning to her. It is the poet's meaning we are not understanding. And the title. But I have gathered, from your replies, the desire was to leave the reader puzzled about the meaning of the poem. Which implies our comme...