Poetry Forum

"Very excellent" is the right response.

I totally enjoyed this bit: "Without it, he's only Robert,whose family built the lighthouses."

only suggestion is a tiny one: Change this line:

"Not without his middle name."

to

"Not without his middle names."

Hi Enjoyed this... maybe it ended too soon for me. I would suggest the title match the opening line i.e. delete the "A" or add it.... Also I would rethink the asterisk. It's enthusiasm is somewhat deflated by the "at least". This line I love..... "So my perception lacked the...

Suzanne .

It's funny is in not, what comes to mind after a loved one passes? Oftentimes something that we may not have thought about for a long time.

"...pesky curls like poodles" is brillaint.

This is a marvellous poem.

p.s. I have just heard a very catchy old tune connected with Ontario (Blackfly/Wade Hemsworth..can't get it out of my head). That would be Ontar-eye-o-eye-o Where the black flies are bigger than the owls. And the black flies, the little black flies Always the black fly no matter where you go I'll d...

HI Lake, The word in the title "Cannon" and the word in the other title above the poem "Canon" confused me. I thought gun, then I thought Camera. The first line clarified that...I think. I think you have something worth working on here, just a few things which confused me. "...

Well Ant I can now with a clear conscience, put you on the pedestal of posterity of those who have written a poem about owls. I never doubted (truly). I always look for lines that make me stop, and go back, and that can stand on their own. And there are some fine ones here: I rescued an owl from our...

Assuming these are received emails and not from your sent folder, here's what I think. You guys want me to offer constructive criticism before I can post, and I try, I really do, but you sure do make it difficult at times! It is almost impossible to crit anything about this since every line is so di...

Neil, the last line is the best. In S1 I think the believer should not ever consider looking back.... only forward. I did not know know the Calcutta Cup (it's akin to our "Stanley Cup" only muddier I should think), until about two minutes ago and after the result had been posted... my sinc...

Ant this is a fair poem, and brief, but while I can see the coincidence in careless elbows and fresh paint, I am missing the coincidence in the last stanza. And, I am not quite seeing how either painted elbows or lost men can have no cause? I'd rather that S1 have a better explanation of "these...

AHA! Shakespeare meets Robbie Burns... I ne'er thought I mae see here ae sonnet but I also thought that if I waited long enough... (of course there likely are many, just none that I have seen here yet... aologies to any who I have missed) Well done Wally this is very nicely put, but I wonder though,...

No need to apologize. The poem is two lines and is much more unoriginal in that respect, than your comment. But thanks all of you. This was done in a minute or less and not a lot of thought went into it beyond the idea. It falls down in the presentation. My second set of eyes (yours) is always most ...

This is a terrific poem. A wonderful read when read aloud.

Totally love this bit:

".......until it bears
up nothing, sits, then blows."


Cheers.

Christmas Eve,
and Dad makes us
go to church
and believe,
in virgin births.

Three weeks
after New Years Eve,
and sister tries,
in vain,
to make Dad,
believe ....

Like this and you have plenty of good advice so far, but....

"The gas price, volatile as Dow Jones,"

I would have been delighted, if I had read:

"Gasloine prices as volatile as gasoline".

Hi OnlyifOnly I agree that this is indeed a heavy subject but you have placed in it also, hope and gratitude, so its not so heavy as it might be. A few thoughts: There is some repetition/contradiction: “Presents unopened under an unlit tree” “Presents opened on the floor of the family home” “Tags of...

Hope that you don't mind me suggesting a change in structure to remove some un-needed pauses and also me adding a word ("and") for drama, in the second last line: Standing drenched on the cold slab, a rushing icy shiver forced through cracks. A stab of needles climbed flesh, winced, as toe...

This is a nice little poem. Love the groupings: squirrels, birds, and bees. stark, white, purity, new, sleek, sexy, wavy tones. But wonder if they could all be three, or all be four, and if the word "and" could be added to two of those lines: Squirrels, birds and bees, stark white AND pure...

I like the ryhme, and most of this got my attention, but not understanding why you want to "create and destroy a possibly great romance".

also, bottles and cans in S3. I would prefer all bottles or all cans...

Sorry, had to go and look for something which came to mind as I read this: This line originates in Edward Fitzgerald's translation of the poem The Rubáiyát of Omar Khayyam: The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ, Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line, Nor a...

Very different and very well done. Not many want me to read them more than once, but this one did..

Glad I found this one....

Good stuff....
and some very good comments here.

Curious as to where you met a woman who still writes letters?

Read this with some interest Richard..... This line: 'His eye-sockets radiate the brilliance of mortality" I don't see "sockets" (which I would think of as dark holes), radiating, when "eyes" would be fine. I' would also lose the word "his" in the same sentence... ...

Nash, I think this is my favourite image: Memories stared blankly back, like a dead pensioner's house clearance. This is a terrific poem that caught my full attention. Your ability to lead the reader exactly where you intended is very apparent. I cannot possibly do better than Lionheart has done in ...

Well Richard I confess to an "hmmmmmm" moment here. Apologies for what follows, but I have read this a half dozen times and have different thoughts each time). I am sure they will appear muddled. I see a strong and very interesting start with some very good images regarding old age as an i...

Alex this is very ambitious for a first poem and you did very well.... I think that "like a whore wants smack" is overused and it appears almost an attempt to shock, or startle the reader. Yet later on, the subject of the pome "....goes straight to the pub Now there's cocaine in his s...