Poetry Forum

evocative and realistic, but maybe some lines are too long?

Ah, the trials of aging! I liked this, especially "trout-mouthed".

JBWB poetry competition, under my real name.

What's wrong with symbolism? We aren't all inspired to think alike.
The night out is still on offer, though.

Humans don't actually "spontaneously combust"- they just burn in very strange and unpredictable ways when fires break out, but I liked the description of the poor guy. Not a self-portrait, is it?

ray Miller is on the right track.

Sorry for the typo- NO should of course be NO-ONE.

No has sussed the symbolism of the poem yet. A virtual night out with me on a dark night in Bradford for whoever cracks the meaning.

After two fellow scribblers urged me to introduce myself here, I've plucked up the courage to do so. I was a teacher (of English of course) till recently, but retired because of ill health. I've written over fifty poems in the last two years, mainly quite personal, but also I hope with some relevanc...

I like "To his coy Mistress", but found the garden/ mower/pastoral stuff boring. I I prefer Donne of the poets loosely regarded as "Metaphysicals".
Go ahead and comment on the other new one as well, please.

You're right, elphin, the relevance of your poem didn't come over, and is only faint after several re-readings.. It certainly SOUNDS true to the age in which it is set, but I suspect that capturing Captain Earle's voice was your main purpose, and any stirring of the reader's soul was a glimmer in th...

THE GARDEN Awake to see that our garden has changed- old hoes, rakes and spades lie upon the grass; the rose, once eminent, has shed her thorns and blushes crimson at her own beauty, while insistent weeds swarm around her stem. Her burgeoning blooms are strangely stippled sepia, ebony and turmeric, ...

I like "glibly".

Come on, dedalus! Say something about the poem, beyond its veracity.

Could the moderators have a whip-round and actually reward these deserving poets in some material fashion, say with a book or book token, rather than with mere words of praise, no matter how welcome? Words tend to be rather cheap.

Very evocative and dense with meaning. I want to see more. writing of this quality must develop into a greater statement, please.

SOMETHING THAT I SAID Silence. Not a single word is spoken. Closemouthed, struck dumb by sympathetic strokes, we brush past each other without utterance, bearing our force-field frontiers around us, eat separately, sleep apart in cold beds, listen for entrances, footsteps, exits, strangers in the sa...

i liked this, but it's crying out for another verse between the second and the third. (I think what I mean is that it was over too quickly and I want a little more)

Elphin,
I think my poem shows human desire for a God, even though that desire is often tempered by doubt, which is expressed in my poem in the second and last stanzas. As for adjective-noun combinations, i choose to ignore your unusual hobby-horse.

A second attempt to invite comments on this poem. (The first time I was locked down after an altercation with the authorities)Without wishing to insult anyone's intelligence, the Triduum is the sequence of three holy days leading up to Easter Sunday, as celebrated in the Catholic church. TRIDUUM Thu...

The weak triple -itten rhyme and shaky control of rhythm let down a potentially amusing example of doggerel, although the ending shows potential.

Since I was trying to sustain the computerese language and imagery throughout, "virus" seemed the strongest word for the final line, with its ambiguity and connotations of disruptive ill- health, better than someone's suggestion "bits" which is an inherently weak word. The subjec...

KILL THE ZOMBIE This is the last time I shall think of you, cold bitch. Within seconds you will depart, discarded, deleted from my desktop. With two soft clicks you will leave my system, unfeeling cypher, virtual woman, blank page of dormant frozen character, born with a splinter of ice in your hear...

I think stuartryder's rudeness about my poem stems from my low opinion of his banal and undeveloped "Shadow Machines" with its weedy conclusion and trite stanza endings. He also misunderstands my poem- it is not about rape, but the natural heterosexual instinct which most men possess, but ...

Don't remove the hand thing because of "Carrie". It's a powerful image , much better and more evocative than most served up by the ironic and detached scribblers who seem to dominate this forum. What is original after hundreds of years of artistic endeavour. We shouldn't throw in the towel...