Poetry Forum

Just a thought... Could you say something like
... could not now comprehend it...

And leave the dementia left unsaid? I think the reader would still understand.

Hi Michelle, It used to have a reputation for shredding anyone they didn't approve of. I'm rather pleased if it's dying! Forums tend to have ups and downs but in general I have an impression many are struggling to keep committed members. It takes time to do it properly. We are rather more welcoming ...

Delighted to announce the new issue of Antiphon. You may recognise a couple of names: http://antiphon.org.uk/wordpress/

Ros

My pleasure!
hmm, I thought heaven was implied anyway, but reading it again, I wonder if it would be so obvious she had passed away without it. But I do feel something a bit less literal might work well.

Ros

I like the revision, Luke - I think it says all that is necessary.

Ros

Dear Perry, The number of mods is more historic than anything - many of them are no longer around much, as you'll have noticed. I've never found anyone reluctant to argue with me just because I was a mod! Their main use has been to keep an eye on the place and turf out the very occasional person who...

I like it as it is, and think the style fits the poem well. It might be good to introduce a few more half-rhymes into the first verse, if possible. Like you, I think it needs both verses. The only cut I'd suggest is 'to heaven ' - it spells it out rather, and I like the idea of her climbing without ...

I liked it too - agree you could end a little sooner, as discussed. I think Perry has hit on something - I'd imagine this could be true: "The narrator, at one and the same time, seems to be annoyed or repelled by the scene, but also affected by it." - a sort of attempt to stay a bit distan...

This is very effective, and it like it. I wonder though about the last line - you've already implicitly mocked the idea that fur could protect, so for me the narrator wishing for it when he already knows it doesn't work seems wrong.

Ros

I like it, and don't have any strong suggestions. I think it's very effective.
I'd be tempted, perhaps, to leave the lines long but go for 7 strong stresses per line.

Ros

I rather like Tony's rewrite. The title says what the poem is about. The point becomes that, for the narrator, he has the luxury of contemplating his sandwich, leaving unsaid the horrors that others are at that moment experiencing. I found When fleeing through mud to foreign lands, you don’t get to ...

I think this was his application.

I rather liked '(not) someone who is a shop-steward for contemporary values first and a poet second (or third).' No point at all if the poetry doesn't come first.

Ros

The only real effect of being an editor is that I get to read a lot of poetry, good and bad. I make no particular claim about the endings of poems in general - my personal preference is for not spelling things out too much. Whether fashions have changed, I don't know. I suppose my comment was really...

I think you could effectively lose the last 5 lines, which rather spell out what the reader has already gathered. I like 'wind-burned and sore', and agree with Ray about the bleed line. I enjoyed this.

Ros

I am sort of around. Trying to give poetry generally more attention, but other things keep getting in the way. Thanks for stepping up to the plate, Tristan. Everyone seems very well behaved at present.

Ros

Thanks, Tristan - I always love to hear if people have liked the mag. I thought the theme was a bit of a risk but it worked really well.

Ros

A day out at Eastnor, perhaps?

I thought it followed the train of thought of an ADHD kid well. I think the title is misleading - implies the writer has ADHD.

Antiphon issue 23 - submissions now open! We're looking for poems with some link to science, in the broadest sense - poems that stretch beyond the day to day human concerns. Poems that celebrate the vastness of it all, or consider beginnings, or endings, or how we know anything at all. See submissio...

Very nice!

Thank you for letting us know, Emmanuel. Yes, it's very similar.
Lovely was banned a while back, though not for plagiarism. If he was still active, I'd be inclined to take action, but since the whole Lovely event was some years ago it's probably best to let the whole thing die now.

Ros

I don't believe I knew that, either.

Ros

Hello silent lotus, nice to see you around. An interesting contrast, although I'm not really seeing the connection between the two parts. I like the introduction of solidly technological streetlamps into a poem that emphasises the natural setting. I'm confused by 'her speak' - why not 'her speech'? ...

I think it's lovely, the idea of the snow bringing treasures from the far north. Good stuff.

Ros

I think it's a clever take on the original. Does rather depend on what the pea symbolises, though, and I'm not sure what to make of the last line.

Ros

Thanks, Tristan. I'm very pleased you are enjoying it.

Ros