Poetry Forum

thanks guys Ben I wasn't sure the "on my home" worked. I don't think I can do just sad - I always have to have some hope in there too. Leigh I'm pleased you felt it was powerful and heart felt as you have been in a similar situation. I haven't personally experienced this but have worked wi...

thanks evreyone. Ben I'm glad you felt it was free for the reader to apply to any situation. It started off being about a particular "crime" but I came up with these lines first and when I went back to it I liked the fact it could be applied to numerous things so decided to leave it as it ...

Hi Dalena This made me laugh but i wasn't quite sure I should as it also seemed to have a sinister side to it. Maybe being female helped me see the humour more than the men could. It did seem a little drastic mind - made me wonder if "it did nothing for me" was the only crime or was there ...

I Wonder I sit on my home and wonder. I wonder why as a child I soaked the woes of the world into the core of me. As I grew I tried to imitate those around but as I grew my tunnel of despair grew longer. I longed to leave my cares behind and disappear to a world where nobody would expect anything of...

I liked the images in this but for me it was too short. I wanted to read more. I wasn't quite sure how the last 3 lines related to the title. Enjoyed. Thanks.

Why is it I
am locked up in here?
Why is it he
who walks around free?

Why is it I
am blamed for this crime?

I spoke out.
It is not that they didn’t hear
but worse they didn’t believe.

Hi

I thought this was very cleverly written. I'm afraid it gave me the shivers. it reminded me of a horror film and I've never enjoyed them. Very well done though.

Hi

I really enjoyed the colourful images in this. I was unsure whether the last 2 words were needed - maybe I'm missing something?? Didn't spoil the enjoyment anyway. More please.

Cheers everyone. An amazing idea Leigh. If only!!

Soaring In the beginning a neon light sparked in the ebony sky. We aimed for the plough but found Jupiter and mars. With arms entwined we sailed galactic waves and danced beneath meteor rain. In time we trudged up hill and down vale on terrestrial ground. We searched twinkling trails but found celes...

Hi I thought this was really well written with the alternative voices of a child and adult. The only part I wasn't sure about was the complaining about jelly babies - this sounded a little older than the rest of the words that I think were spoken by the child. Hope I've understood it correctly. An e...

A great poem. I liked all of it but was a little unsure about S1. However, this didn't spoil it at all - just gave me something to think about.

Hi I really enjoyed this - probably because I love libraries so the great images made me feel like curling up with a good book. The last line spoilt it for me a little - I wanted to stay. i would have preferred: Books have piled up in every nook and corner of my self. I am content. However, I am sur...

This made me smile. I agree it doesn't need the last 2 lines - they don't quite sound right.

Footsteps in the Snow

Air fresh and tender
Earth crisp and bright
Footsteps in the snow
Illuminate the garden trail
To a guardian made of ice.

Thanks for that Alucinary. It's great to have such positive feedback. Arunansu the "we" in S2L3 was meant to show that the boy also wanted to know why he couldn't behave. I did have S7 & 8 exactly as you suggested but couldn't decide which I liked best. I was trying to show the differe...

Hi

I really enjoyed this and thought the imagery was great. I particlularly liked the last stanza and had the same imrpression as Arunansu. Also like it because you didn't have to know much about poker to enjoy it - there was much more going on than that - very clever.

Something Wrong? Another fight at school I hang my head in shame Why can they not see? I’m not the one to blame. Dad shouts at the head His arms snap and wave One thing we all want to know Why can‘t I behave? Dad says, “There’s something wrong,” I thought I’d hidden it well I don’t want them to know...

Hi Angus

I enjoyed this very much. i too didn't know what the title meant but it caught my attention because of this. I would have preferred if the poem then went on to reveal what it was as it seemed to be even more beautiful when you knew what it was about.

Hi John

I liked the way this read but I don't really understand it. I particualrly liked
Evil Knivel once built a ramp that was aimed at the stars.
He tried to climb into the ether and shake hands with God.
but wasn't keen on the last line - just my personal preferences.

I liked this because it made me smile and think of summer.

Hi Thanks for your interpretations. On reflection I think I'll keep "tummy". "all his life" had 2 meanings for me - 1 was the general choices faced in life as Dante suggested. I was also thinking of a young boy with a natural inclination to fight who would have to face this throu...

thanks Alucinary
I was trying to portray that it was a young boy with the word "tummy", I thought of putting "young boy" in the first line but was trying to show not tell - I have a lot to learn lol.

Two Wolves A boy stares at another, fists clenched by his thighs. Ahead, only he can see two wolves standing side by side. A black wolf and a white wolf, both beckon him to follow. He feels the howl in his throat and the clawing in his tummy. How can he know, which path to take, which wolf he should...

I liked this but was left feeling confused. I was uncertain that S4 or 6 added anything. Why 10.30am? I had the impression of a young mother and I don't know any young mothers lucky enough to sleep until 10.30. I thought the first 3 verses were great.