Poetry Forum

A great poem that reminds us of lost youth. Each time I read it I wanted to add high to the end of the last line - not sure why.
thanks

Was it meant to be sad Arun? It made me laugh. Not only one miss conncetion but two. I would have said "put out the candles" rather than "put off". Thank you for brightening the day.

Although there is angst here there is also a feel good factor as it reminds us of childhood days. I could feel the bruises from those clackers. I really enjoyed reading this.

thanks Ray and Ben - great suggestions. Thanks too Ray for giving me hope that departure may be longer than I think....although I'm sure there will be days when I change my mind about that.

Hi Alucinary I wish I oculd say that the broken rings symbolised a broken marriage but I'm afraid i didn't think of it - at least not consciously. I was thinking of changing that line but I really like your interpretation as fostering can put a lot of strain on a marriage so i think I'll keep it. Th...

My Teenage Daughter My teenage daughter Emerged from her room In time to growl at me “Why didn’t you wake me up? I need to straighten my hair.” A little later She transpired again This time to purr at me, “Will you take me into town? I need to meet my friends.” Before sunset She returned to the fold...

I really enjoyed this. It showed that a quickie can say so much. I wasn't sure about the last word. Will have to think about it.

I liked the message in this (or at least the message I read), particularly "I am my own influence, my own course." Because I am new to poetry I had to read this a few times and pay particular attention to the punctuation. Thank you for teaching me this.

Wow...this taught me how 4 small words can change a poem completely. Was this your original meaning or did you change it? I really liked how something else could be read into the poem...until the final line which made it all explicit.

Thank you both for such great feedback. Dante I didn't think it was harsh at all. it gave me a lot to think about. I know I see things quite literally and like facts which is possibly why my work is coming across as statements. I have started to experiment with metaphors etc so hopefully this will c...

A Loving Home Excitement grows as we await our first child A boy of eight we have been told We know that things may go awry But we have plenty of experience in supply For our birth children are now all grown And we miss the pleasure of young folk So we thought we’d try and foster And give a child al...

This had a good feel feeling to it for me. I was unsure about "Must you tread the same path?" This seemed to me to have a different image to the rest of the poem (maybe I didn't understand it well enough??) I really liked the last line and the way it was formed - it was rather unexpected.

I enjoyed this particularly the first stanza. I would have liked more but I think that was beacause I felt I was just getting to know him when the poem ended.

I enjoyed reading this but I was a little confused to start with. As I'm new to poetry I didn't really know why until I read the review above. I then reread the poem without S1 and it all made sense to me. After this i went back to S1 and then understood that also so i agree with Dante that it may b...

thanks Ben. You were right about Jane. Your suggestions have really improved it. I'm so pleased I joined this site.

Thanks for the feedback - it's great to get different points of view. I thought after the first fedback that mabe I should have been clearer but didn't really want to as like Ben said I liked the gaps in the story. It was meant to be a child moving foster homes so glad Ben spotted that. I will take ...

This is my first attempt. It's very simple and any advice will be greatly appreciated. My Family I pack my bin bag with a knowing grin Time to go once again I knew when I came 6 weeks ago It wouldn’t take long to let me go. Jane comes in with a disappointed stare I don’t know how she dare! It was he...

Hi All i am new to peotry and this forum. I love reading and have always wanted to write. I did a writing course many years ago but think I expected too much and never started again. Every year around this time i decide this is the year but I never do anything about it. This year I was browsing some...

Hi Sarahlou I am new to poetry and this forum. I really liked your poem. It may not be considered the best form but I like the AABB ryhmes. At first read i thought I wouldn't change a thing but on further reads I have a couple of suggestions (which seems a little cheeky as you're much better than me...

Hi I am new to poetry and this is my first post. I really liked this but at first was uncertain why. I had to read it several times. I think I was attracted to it by the language of the countryside. As I read it over I could feel what I've felt many times - my aches and pains seeping away on a count...