Poetry Forum

There's a few moments of beautiful rhythm or lucid expression in there - some solid post-Spiritual lyric. More significant as a civil rights activist though, it's fair to say!

Currently it's produced the below - Muses, let me sing of love of my land; no rage nor wand'ring, just old lies made true by the walking of vales, my right hand upon the steel gate to pastures new. Slopes beneath the shattered house never seen, showpiece lakes across from an aerodrome I've never flo...

Fantastic revision of the last stanza.

Ros wrote:I agree it's the 'thing' that makes this unique - but still not totally convinced... I like the idea of exploring losing identity further, though.

I would echo this. To be a glorious failure is still to be glorious.

All-round excellent, especially "The past is coming unstuck in my hands" and the personification of hackett as (like unto) Hereward the Wake in his fens.

I suppose that his understanding of our common need for weeping is informed by his faith. I rather meant by "reverse Geoffrey Hill" that Les becomes easier to read in his later work, where Hill becomes progressively harder til eventually you rather imagine he's working with the Navaho code...

I think the "-thing" thing is a glorious failure. I appreciate the intent, applaud its consistency, but cannot say I believe it succeeded.

Lots of helpful feedback. Gardens/shuns stinks, and the final couplet is vague to the point of obtusity. Renaming the poem may help, or may confuse further - "Panshanger House", right beside my family home - which was sold and knocked down like Brideshead in the 1950s, partly as 2 of its 3...

And after all, was it for nothing that you withstood the din the last Bacchalic fling of a declining era's sins? And after all, was it no nobility to withstand blood's siege and surrender privilege out of noblesse oblige? And after all, as the pygmies rule on every side, was it a crime to be our las...

This one came up in that essay I mentioned, David. Absolutely crackerjack poem, typical of early Murray in his expression being a little more circumlocutive (he's the reverse Geoffrey Hill).

Oh, I liked this more than the others I think - I can't say I understood it but it had a romping element to its language and rhythm that worked well for me. I think with a revision of the weak s3 and a tighter/clearer s4 this could be very good.

Loved the matted fur of the bus seat, multilayered poetic image that works well at each of them. Probably my favourite bit. I think I'm trying to identify whether the voice's anxieties are to be taken purely existentially - in which case the "vehicle" of the bus ride felt like a bit of a s...

Muses, let me sing of love of my land; no rage nor wand'ring, just old lies made true by the walking of vales, my right hand upon the steel gate to pastures new. Slopes beneath the shattered house never seen, showpiece lakes across from an aerodrome I've never flown from, pubs I've never been - God'...

And the issue they're in is up at last, after being forgotten from 2012-2!

http://lucidrhythms.com/2013-1/Edwards_Owen.htm

Hurrah, hurrah! Congratulations.

Congrats, Jane!

I just got three poems accepted for their next - Rain, New Digs, and An Anthropologist in Durham.

Excellent stuff.

Peter: Thanks so much for the encouragement; I think you and Ray have zeroed in on the chief weakness, and I'm grateful, so I'll be sure to work on it. Nash: Not intentionally reflecting Peredur/Percival, but it was intended as a way of etching Gary more firmly as one of Virgil's dispossessed, noble...

Thanks for the crit Ray; you're probably right on all points. I quite like the octameter in the middle, though...

Marc, I didn't assume it was actually particularly to do with (a) God; I was more commenting on the trope God/Word/poetry/beginning.

Ant, space is empty but also very full .

Marc, I like this. I don't think it's an entirely original gambit - God as poet by his word/Word, allowing the poet to claim poetry as divine - but it's well executed.

I must confess I've never enjoyed snow - indeed, I have rather been one of those awkward children who shy away from fights dancing in the snow, playing til the night, constructing amusing carrot-nosed men, sledding down precipitous hills and then laughing like a glad fool at the bottom. I finally co...

re David and Ant - well, I like it. Of course I don't think Brian's right in his views about religion (indeed, I think they're balmy in terms of the vituperation) but that central hymn to the wonder of nature is magnificent. Poetry feels, to me, at some level, an opportunity for different voices to ...

Wally: Thanks for the response! A nice comparison the onion there; that (to make others cry!) and steelskin are certainly other skins we wear. I'll take into consideration your comment on the conclusion, and see if it can be made more surprising. Nash: Astute observations, all; the fullstop after ba...

I submitted to the Flarestacks Poet pamphlet comp, which is associated with OWP, but not run by the same (palmistry-supporting) fellow.