Poetry Forum

Fantastic. There's two things that I really like about this. Firstly, that the context of "round about now" seems very "well, maybe this month", when 65M years is so long . Secondly, that the idea of wealth after so long has a comic irony about it. I'd be tempted to change "...

Backin' the eighties
stars was brilliant, better than
Sat alight of Love...

I would agree, if only I had the time to waste here; sadly I don't.

Only one nit from me (it's in S1 / L1, I think)...

perhaps "a perfect waste of time" would be better?

Just a thought.

See you around (or not)

Thanks, David.

You know what I'm like, trying to cram a lot into a few, as ever.

Cheers...

Hey, Moth.

Thanks for that. Useful to know where I've missed.

S'bout an addict.

Cheers...

half empty half fool
she consumed silver linings
from magic mirrors

fermented apples
fall far from the tree, Isaac
final gravity…

- nar

Hello... "relentlessness" is a perfect word (sonically) to use for rain. Kudos. I also like the subtly-spaced mutter / gutter ryhme Unlike Firebird, I'm less keen on"sun-softened shed roof". It's tricky for me to say, but it is a great image. I didn't understand "light-year&...

Hey, Firebird. Yes, the images work for me. The De Niro one works particularly well; the crows black suit matching that of the gangsters he's played. And beady eyed shiftiness. Nicely done. In terms of the metre & rhyme, I'd be temped to cut the syllables back, and drop the rhyme entirely. Make ...

Cheers, Kev.

I'm glad you made some sense of "the bi, bi-polar bear, bonnie and clyde jekyl and hyde thing"

No-one seemed to get the "good bi girl" / "Goodbye Girl" reference. Too obscure probably.

Kindest...

Neil

Thanks, Ros.

Acknowledged and understood.

I'm sure I can do a better rewrite anyway

Kindest...

N

Hello, all. Back in 2011 (IIRC), we had a thread or competition or challenge about Food poems. I tried to find this recently, but couldn't. I wrote something daft - a recipe set to doggerel (chicken cassoulet) Does anyone remember this? Any idea where I can find it. Searches have failed. Cheers... N...

Ray, Seth. Thanks, gents. Kind comments always appreciated. " I thought she didn't give a toss" (Ray): I think I prefer your interpretation to my own. It also makes me think I wrote something poetic. 50 lashes for me. "an especially fun and eccentric stanza...." (Seth). My favour...

Thanks, both. Useful crit. Much appreciated. No point in answering it all. If I've missed, then I've missed. Three nonetheless... " Is she bisexual?": Yes. " trying to cube your square of Bonnie and Clyde and Jekyll and Hyde": She is B&C, he is J&H. Four people in a two p...

A mod may disagree, but if you're looking for crit to shine this for publication ("send this one away"), then it should be up top on Experienced. For my part, here's a a couple of nits: "gnarled-accretions, creations of the twisted Banksia trunk" - looks great, but doesn't read s...

Agreed... this is nice.

Is this too bold a suggestion?

"or only two crickets"

- nar

she was his good bi girl he was her bi-polar bear not that belonging lasted long when they swore Bye bi again to friends they are Bonnie and Clyde and Jeckyl and Hyde “An odd foursome, don’t you think?” “I wonder who’s jealous of who?” but when all the little pieces were hoisted by flying pigs throu...

Thanks, everyone.

Just a bit of silly fun; glad it appealed to some of you.

N

Mustard or Brown Sauce, Katherine? This is a smart and fun sonnet. Your rhyme and rhythm work well, and the language is cleverly chosen. It reads lightly (kinda skips along), which isn't always the case for me with this form. And... a good ending. Important, this is. I'm looking for nits, but findin...

Vātsyāyana wrote too of curries of brown skinned onions, peeled to yield to warmed oils and the turn of his hand… of crushing then stripping slutty garlic lushness; fingers of Gauloises, yet tongue of bonne bouche… of the spike of the chilli, slicing through ginger’s Disney-eyed feints for yet one m...

I taint Howlin' Wolf
with blanc overdubbing of
London Drum'n'Bass

You're welcome. In my experience, this is difficult subject matter. If you're writing it for yourself, then it needs no crit. But if it's for others to read, then I've found it very difficult to take such ideas and share them in a way that others can directly relate to. A common reference point, or ...

Hi, Mark. I have an idea where you're going with this, but it gets a little confusing. If I'm honest, I think it might be all the first person references; they make something about this a little impenetrable for me as a reader. I get a few snippets of something visible and concrete, but I guess I'm ...

Hey, Katherine. I read the revision, and took something entirely different from the original poem. For me, the last line was alluding to the decline of that type of holiday. "They would not..." was quite final: never again. So those 3 dropped words made all the difference. I can't add much...

This softens leather
but man's best friend can't yet coax
rawhide into suede...