Poetry Forum

Hi, Thank you for your replies, I'm getting the hang of it now. I've attempted to highlight the stressed syllables in the poem, and theres a few changes that I thought might help the flow: A breath of air roams your body, A long the jour ney joins emo tion . The es sence is felt by all who hear , Th...

Hi, Thanks for the advice. How could I dispense the pronouns? What could I replace them with? In the first stanza all the lines have pretty much the same syllables, can improvements still be made on the flow/beat? In terms of the repetition of pronouns, yes I do agree, but how do I replace them and ...

Hi,

Thank you all for your replies, I really appreciate it. Shell, yes this poem is about my girlfriends voice. Thanks for the advice Jasper, interesting idea about third person, will give it a go. What do you mean by correct my meter?

Thanks,
Stevj016.

A breath of air travels your body, Along the journey joins emotion. The essence is felt by all who hear, Your magical voice that lights the ocean. The tender beauty that is your song, Travels in dreams the extra mile. When you speak your lovely tone, You make the desert smile. I love you like a thor...

Hi, I've just recently lost my grandmother to cancer so I know exactly where this poem is coming from. I really like the tone of the poem, towards the end you put death to shame and you really belittle 'him'. Yes I said 'him' as if it were male, I think its perfectly fine in this case to refer to de...

Hi, This is really good, I read it three times, I always catch something new every time. I like the opening as it really sets the the tone immediately for the whole poem. Not only is the last line great, so is the whole of the last stanza, very cleverly done, I wasn't expecting it. The first line se...

Hello everyone, This ones called 'Teal romance' You look at me with no passion, Your emerald eyes show no trust. But when you’re with other men, You offer them all your lust. I’ve started to think you’re not all mine, I think you need a second breath. When you lose all your hope, Your soul dies a sl...

Hello everyone, This ones called 'brave tree' Tucked away with pride and honour, So much wisdom, so many years. Coping with the rage of nature, Never shedding any tears. During storms and ice cold days, You keep your spine staying strong. Communicating how you do, On the wind you sing your song. The...

Great poem about a wild fire, the imagery was striking.

Hi, This ones called 'Violet lagoon' Now I’m gone you shouldn’t worry, For I’m in a place with the ocean rose. If you feel any pain in my absence, Let it pass on the wind that flows. When I was alive I always wanted to escape, Up and away and into the sky. But I couldn’t find a way of getting there,...

Hi, This ones called 'That wind has blown, this bird has flown' When you open up and the world runs away, Sometimes you take your life and spoil your freedom. But I’m a bird who hasn’t spread its wings, There is no freedom to spoil. I always longed for success and freedom, But now my mind makes me s...

Hi,

I'm assuming you've visited this castle, thats how it seems. Fantastic job, I really did feel the place was dead and silenced.

Thanks,
Stevj016.

Hi,

Really good poem, the imagery i saw was great.

Thanks,
Stevj016.