Poetry Forum

'Life sparkles in his curious eyes.'

'little smudged face' is too cute. I like the idea of hopeful wide eyes or something.

Jon

The poem paints a vivid picture and I like the middle section but I'm not sure as a whole it works for me (and me only). This is mainly due to the repetition at the beginning (personal thing I guess) and the smudged face imagery at the end, seems out of place and out of time, I just think of some Vi...

Behold a peaceful mind at toil. This definitely sums up my experience when reading such an emotionless, turgid and deeply dull poem. I searched for a point, to no avail.

Jasper, I wonder what your problems are? You understand so little yet you think you know so much, you don't even read a thread before boldy overstating your point without regard or empathy for the reader. There are no rules, only opinions and you are entitled to yours, you deserve one another. I kin...

Ty for the comments. I've make a few changes given the feedback. I don't think my posts have necessarily progressed but I do think I'm more likely to be on the right lines now. I don't want to be too immitating and try and make poor copies of what others write, I need to be original as I can be to e...

Hi Japser, I like your refreshing honesty across the board, I know this forum is about gentle criticism but anyway........ I'm not convinced anything I've written is really a poem but I'm closer to writing one than I was a month ago. The poem is raw and a ten minute effort to see what would result a...

Hi, I liked this it's smooth and rich. The only change I would like to see if the ending.......seems too blunt.

I like this because it is clean, simple and has a easy rhytmn....

I'm not sure about this one.......sorry , repetition and idea that things are out with our own control unsettles the poem to me....

I liked it and can relate to the situation.....here are the changes I would make, just my suggestions... I particularly like the way you stand up to and face death and challenge him, liking the spirit and believing the conversation. 'A realisation really.' not sure this bit works/fits. 'What roads w...

Thank you all, appreciate the comments. I watched the show and thought it's better to participate than to just watch so wrote this in a burst at the end of the programme so most definitely unpolished...

Liking the feedback, thank you for your time and comments! The typo was an attempt to illustrate a slurring of words as the demon drink takes firmer hold, that's why I make it my last lol....I'm off to youtube to see and hear the song references. The poem sleepwalking was written as a song and isn't...

Red wine zing, comforting pillow palette, eyes close, neck warms, rich Shiraz pizazz! Sumptuous deep red ink, flows over my tongue, I want more before I even begin, excitement swirls, liquid infatuation, masks salty pizza dry. The minds edges fog and smooth, heating, beating heart thoughts slow, sen...

Griff Rhys Jones on TV made me write this lol..............frustration in the poem is about my own inability..

Do poets ever die? Can anyone else really feel another's cry? A word, a line, a verse or more, Thoughts and meaning unlocked, unravel, rhythm and resonance, reveal all Is there any universal truth? Double meaning or half hearted? Cliché, cliché, flowery crap? Thrill seekers for the beauty, of memora...

Well done!

Thank you for the feedback...

I am talking in the dream, not in RL, hence silent in RL......

I like the suggested line 'muses and memories'....(arun)....maybe use that in one of the other verses.

Jon

Thanks for the comments Just playing around and wanted to use something current...... I did come up with the line:- 'It' s wine to water to swallow the med' I couldn't get it to fit, even after sitting on the suitcase. I thought I was pushing it using Flew, Tame the flu(Tamiflu) head anyway ;-) Jon

Joy Division, named after a Nazi concentration camp brothel I believe.......

Quite unbelievable.......Chips, coke, burger and a donner kebab?

They talk of death,
but now, just a few,
panic sets in with those who flew.
Honeymoon paradise to hospital bed.
Stories sold, schools closed,
Will we tame the flu head?

I really liked this.

I will go out on a limb....as the flamingo said to his mate. I would like to read more of the street scene if you have it, I think there needs to be more. Good luck.

It's got heart but I think the 'f' word shows a lack of control and makes me feel less sympathetic....for me you have kept your cool until the last line, when you have reacted rather than responded to what you are feeling (it seems).

Wow, that's some read guys ;-). I would like to agree with the observation that sometimes people may feel they are obliged to like others poems if they are nice about theirs or vice versa. Open and honest feedback helps the most I think, the good and more importantly the bad. The trap is that someti...