Poetry Forum

Thanks for the comments. Lily - I think I could have done more with the title. I really didn't want to go down that line of its title being in the first line. In short, I couldn't think of anything that would fit. I'm open to suggestions. :) Richard - I like 'tick-less tock' too. I understand that i...

Thanks Meesha and sandbanx....

Thanks guys for taking the time to comment. It is such a difficult exercise (as are many of the French formats). And even more difficult not to repeat yourself because that is the nature of this format. I doubt I'll revisit this poem, I think I only attempted it as an exercise to see if I could comp...

The Crossroads (A Sestina) There comes a time you reach a fork A crossroads where you make a choice You must decide on left or right And be prepared to take that path Don’t look back nor curse your route Then walk that line until you die Years will pass before you die And you may reach another fork...

Thanks Meesha and sandbanx, you have certainly given me something to think about here. I'm not very knowledgeable on formats but I'm going to read up on it so thanks Meesha. Sandbanx - I totally agree with you about the overuse of 'the' and 'its'. I struggled to find alternative words when writing t...

Thanks Sandbanx. Yes, we all know a 'Mad Anne' - wonderful characters each and every one! I put my ear to the door to see if I could hear her. She not only talked to anyone and everyone but also talked to herself. She is a real character and I wanted to keep it truthful for that reason. She probably...

Thanks Meesha. I quite like the idea of your 'you knew you were fucked' ending. It probably would still confuse some people, as did mine. :D My poetry is very British so sometimes it's misunderstood by non-Brits. As you said 'the tongue-in-cheek'/double entendre' goes over some peoples heads. Anyway...

Exception piece.

The padlocks being locked in your dreams was inspiring.

Pete

Thanks everyone for your comments. No apologies needed for the debate, I'm enjoying my threads being hijacked. I agree with Nash about rhyme being essential in this piece and the meter had to be exact because of the content of the poem. The 2nd and 4th stanza's could be improved (or even removed!). ...

Broken Clock The broken clock, a tick-less tock. The moment when the levers lock. The gong-less chime with worthless time, its rusty frame long past its prime. The frozen hands like statues stand, Its aging dial can’t smile unmanned. The haggard face has lost the race, Its fractured parts you can’t...

Some truly 'laugh out loud' moments here. It definitely worked for me. And bittersweet of course...

Pete

Sorry, I posted the previous message twice....

Hi Lake,

Thanks for your comments.

The incomplete sentences were not a conscious decision but I did achieve the desired effect that I wanted with this poem, in that I wanted to depict the characteristics and traits of Dave quickly and 'punchy' with a twist at the end.

Cheers. Pete

Nino - I was gonna use the 'Inbetweeners' as a reference but I didn't think you'd know it. :lol: Bloody hilarious programme. Very childish and immature, I know, but it's good to keep the 'child' within us alive. I'm 44 years old but it reminds me of my school-days. My friend twitters the guy who wri...

That's for all the comments. I'll try and answer all your comments. Ros - Poems don't need a punchline but ros, I never said they did; but I feel they do have to have some impact or resolve. I was simply comparing that thought-process with any story, in that no one likes to know the ending. I person...

Nino - She'll probably never see it but don't forget, she's mad; I might wake up in the middle of the night and find a horses head in my bed!!

lo-lee-ta - thank you, I agree! hehe

Thanks again for taking time to comment

Hi Ros, I know what you mean but I thought if I tell the reader too much about Anne then they would guess the ending and know what was coming. You know when you hear a joke or you watch a comedy sketch and sometimes you just know what's coming, and it spoils the punchline. Also, out of respect for h...

No need feeling guilty if your experience produced this great piece. No nits from me at all. We've all been there so you didn't have to worry about engaging with the reader. I always find I write the best when I haven't got a pen on me!! hehe. Has anyone ever tried writing a poem as a text message o...

Hi Nicky,

I'd say it was love, actually!

You expressed and engaged. I liked the flow but the metre made me feel as though an extra line was needed at the end of each stanza, like, dare I say, a limerick form. but what do I know!

Enjoyed! Thanks for sharing

Pete

Dave He passed the time of day with out of work labourers in dirty betting shops Studying form. Unwashed men with their arses hanging out of oversized jeans With his winnings he lined the pockets of fat landlords. Propping up the bar at the Rose & Crown with flat-nosed racists telling homophobi...

Hi Nino, Mad Anne, eh! Well, she was actually a lovely lady but she liked a drink. She was in her 50's (I think). She could talk for England and you couldn't get away from her. I used to set my video recorder to tape Eastenders in case I bumped into her when I briefly left my flat. She'd knock on yo...

Thanks Nino. Apologies - my 'not thanking you' wasn't a conscious one. I'm not at all upset by any criticism, and I invite you to look at the 3 other poems I posted this week where I have agreed with the crits on all of them including flow, rhythm, metre and the changing/omitting of certain words/st...

Everything's cool!! hehe Nino - I must admit, I did find your comments quite aggressive. And you got personal too - I don't have an ego, I'm too long in the teeth for all that nonsense. The use of capital letters i.e SHOW it, suggested you were shouting at me. Or telling me, rather than suggesting o...

Nino - it's only 48 words long, not very difficult to read in my opinion. I don't think a left alignment would make an ounce of difference really. Why should you care about Mad Anne? I'm not asking you to care about her. Why should any of us care about any subject in any poem? My poem is biographica...

agree with twoleftfeet.

fun poem, enjoyed!