Poetry Forum

Books 1. Little Dorrit- Charles Dickens 2. Paradise Lost- John Milton 3. The History Boys- Alan Bennett 4. Wolf Hall- Hilary Mantel 5. Harry Potter 1-7 (in one volume so they all count as one!) Albums 1. Jeff Buckley- Grace 2. Antony and the Johnsons- I Am A Bird Now 3. MGMT- Oracular Spectacular Lu...

Hi Lovely, Ermmm, if I'm honest, I didn't like this poem. It just feels like the tone of the song but its not the same. I just feel like there isn't much point of using the exact lines of the song throughout the poem because then we may as well just listen to the song especially Cash's self-eulogisi...

wow thanks im genuinely suprised
well done everyone else
thanks so much!!

you are so right thanks i just got it really for me
i've re-edited it and made it longer and added a new bit on the end. Not maths related really but it kind of describes what I felt at the time.
Thanks
Patrick

well about the trigonometry waves one its not so much a metaphor as an expression. what im trying to say is that when i look at her everything sought of fades away and every rigid principle just drops out of exsistance to me that what i was trying to get at really with that line. The hush of numbers...

thanks for that. I hope I've made some of the metaphors a bit better if not, can you just point them for me because I understand them all. If they are meaningless how so?
thanks for your input
Patrick

Just wow i really liked this poem l
i loved some of the beautiful vivid language here
however, im struggling with what the point of this poem really is. Obviously don't tell me but maybe it could a bit more apparent?
thanks
Patrick

could i get some feedback on this second edit??? im still not sure whether this one works entirely
thanks
Patrick

excellent work here suzanne...i think the ne edit is better than original

well done

Parallel lines will never intersect So it is with us. Thi twisting double Helix within me shall never be unflexed For you, because when I look at you, All the waves of trigonometry Unweave and flat-line. Harmonic oscillation is all I can Hope for, some undying movement between positives and negative...

thanks some good ideas i might adapt in a second edit

aha no worries... any ideas on how to make that connection for the reader??? im at a bit of loss here thanks

thanks for ur feedback arian. i agree it is a bit clunky reading back on it so im taking a big pair of scissors and glue to this one. i didnt give too much thought to zeta functions etc. im gonna definately look at that. and im not saying that i should be thinking about these maths problems literall...

Mathematics 2nd edit Parallel lines will never intersect, So it is with us. This double Helix within me shall never be unflexed For you because when I look at you, Everything fades away into nothingness And drops out of exsistance. Gentle oscillation is all I can Hope for, relentless movement Betwee...

Mathematics Parallel lines will never intersect, So it is with us. This double Helix within me shall never be unflexed For you because when I look at you, Everything fades away into nothingness And drops out of exsistance. Gentle oscillation is all I can Hope for, relentless movement Between conflic...

Louis MacNeice was introduced to me by my english teacher who used to live a few roads down from MacNeice when he was a child. I just bought his collected poems and he is a magnificent poet. A friend of Auden and Cecil Day-Lewis he is some what forgotten outside literary circles and think it is such...

Thanks for that petronius...It is certainly interesting how eliot went about his illusions. However, I'm not so well read in more dated texts. I only know a bit of Donne and Milton. And know some Shakespeare but not loads I made allusions to them in this poem. Apart from that I only know Marvell and...

Yes PLEASE Auden is a giant of 20th century literature! amazing everyone should read him.

I can't put them into order because I love them so much
TS Eliot, WH Auden and Philip Larkin

with Sylvia Plath, Louis MacNeice and Stevie Smith just missing out

I know I came late to the party but oh well TS Eliot the Waste Land "I will show you fear in a handful of dust." For me I think it is probably the most menacing line in literature Also Tennyson from In Memoriam Canto 50: "Be near me when my light is low." WH Auden Funeral Blues &...

Thank you very much.
I understand the principles of iambic meters and so on however, I'm not sure if I could manage it quite the same. Probably just a question of practice.

no im fully aware that eliot did write in meter and was a highly disciplined poet. I have attempted the waste land or the four quartets yet except for a few bits which are magnificent. I would like to write in meter but I'm only 16 and I don't actually know how I would go about it really something I...

welcome!
Excellent first few stanzas and overall good poem.
However, I would look again at the last stanza I don't think it gives this poem the ending it deserves (personally). But a great first poem well done! A very modernist poem

no you were right I was just being awkward. Anyway I kind of adore eliot but decided to change the the poem to make it much more my own the illusions are now more subtle I think and far more personal. I know it is like prufrock in its feel but for me that isn't bad but it is very personal to me

I've changed most of this poem and only left two untouched. I hope this is an improvment.