Poetry Forum

Gaz

Many thanks. You're right, there is a 'he' missing from S5L3. I will correct.

Best
Mark

A very nice read. It does remind me of Galloway, and lots of other places I have visited. Loved the line...

'A Polish chef smoking broodily in the door'

This is an image I see every day in central London!

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Mark

Each line says so much, in the space of only 3-4 words. A very nice poem!

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Mark

Hello David

No reason really, just unfamiliar with the style. I'll try it with out commas next time.

Many thanks
Mark

Thank you again for all your replies and advice. I did find this quite difficult, and appreciate just how much work is needed to compose a rhyming poem. Dalena: I agree with your thoughts, and on reflection, the last few lines do seem unnecessary. Elph: The line do work better without the breaks, th...

Sleet falls over, a narrow snow bridge, as mist descends, the South-East ridge. A climber sleeps, on Everest’s roof, skin white as alabaster, betrays his youth. His clothes torn, by the wind’s rage, hang now in rags, brittle with age. Hob-nailed boots, of tough English leather, once walked on granit...

A very interesting first poem, I look forward to reading your next! Very well done!

Best Mark

Patrick, David, Elphin & Lovely

Thank you for all your advice. I will work to expand on this poem, and try to make my future submissions longer.

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Mark

westonalan wrote:Very nicely written, I actually felt as though I was in the room with you and I could smell the oily adour of the old miners lamp. I'm no expert on English grammar and modern poetry but I enjoyed your poem. 9/10

Many thanks again! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Regards
Mark

Yes, a great song. I met C. Moore back in the late 80's when he played at the Scarborough Folk Club (My father was the Secretary). He plays to much larger crowds these days!!

Regards
Mark

Ben/Arunansu Thank you for your thoughts. Last week I watched a documentary on the Spanish civil war, and the contribution made by the Americans. Men, women, Afro-American, it didn't seem to matter who they were, but they made the long trip across the Atlantic, to join the Republican cause. Many of ...

Spanish Sand Over sea and land the Doughboys came, across the Pyrenees and Navarra plain. Now I can’t confess to understand, why they would fight for Spanish sand. But, black and white it’s all the same, Buried one foot under the Jarama plain. Now I can’t confess to understand, Why history chooses t...

Hello! This was my first ever attempt at a poem, so thank you for all your comments. I used my father, a former 'Flying-Picket' as the insperation for this piece, plus an old Irish man I used to know, who had given up on himself, and his flat! The line spaces were left for effect, and I'm glad you l...

The Miner’s Lamp After twenty-five years of living alone, the room had a certain look Scattered books, old paintings, vinyl LPs and coffee mugs Dust was everywhere And, although not unexpected, the old smell was still there, musty, like an antique shop It permeated the rugs, curtains, his clothes a...

I really like your first verse... 'me and a lighthouse-- our clouds crimson and blue' It's very personal. I understand that feeling. I lived by the coast as a boy, and would consider secluded coves as my own. Your poem reminded me of the light houses and beaches found on the German islands, close to...

I like this poem - it's young and really flows!

I also enjoyed your use of imagery.

Best
Mark