Poetry Forum

Hi,

It's good to see more of this series. I love the image of the "flippant grasshoppers" - that's my favourite line. Just one point - we'd normally say "in a bowl", not "on a bowl".
Good work!

Helen

Hi Arunansu, I'm really enjoying these snapshots of yours. I like all three of these. It's so interesting to see these Japanese forms transported to different locations. I've experimented with haiku and senryu myself, but I didn't know about tanka. Thanks for introducing me to them - I've just been ...

You want to be six years old again, begin your journeys right now crying, laughing it doesn't matter-- such a quiet night the stars tremble in your voice. We greet summer together. Look how the leaves sparkle against the sky. -- Hi Divina, This is intriguing. I want to know more about Laura. You sa...

Once upon a time there was this mystery woman. Rumour had it she was a princess travelling incognito, but she fancied herself to be the woodcutter's youngest daughter uprooted at birth, or, in black moments, a changeling. Shadowing night as it stole through the forest, she put salt on the tails of h...

Hi Sharra, Thanks for your comments. Actually, I did mean the match/fuse thing the way it reads - anger that flared up, but had to be suppressed and internalised, which "lit" a trail of resentful thoughts that could have led to a later outburst. I thought that was one thing that had worked...

Thanks for your advice, Stuart. "An angry match" was intended to have the double meaning of a potential contest of wills that might have flared up, but on reflection I've decided "A struck match" is stronger. I can't think of any more original or striking images for the first par...

Thanks, Sharra.

Dear Helen, Thanks for the new word- 'twee'. I know it may be hard to picture two cute things sharing 'dark' secrets. But do you know, here it happens, in Kolkata! And that's perfectly natural, isn't it? That which looks so 'dainty', may have 'guilt' in their mind? After all, aren't they "chil...

Hi Raisin Not bad - agree with the cliche points raised above. Helen - to my way of thinking, cliches are a journey most of us have to undertake. It starts with just using them without knowing they're cliches, then celebrating them knowingly (where you might be at), then chucking them away and repl...

Thanks, Ray. I thought if I used the "post reply" at the top it would appear at the top. I see you can't delete posts, so it's there twice now. Oh well.

I like these little glimpses you've shown here. The last one's my favourite - I like the idea of the "glow-signs" waking up. The only one I'm not so keen on is the love birds. "Love birds" is a bit twee. You may not know that word - I think it's only used in Britain. It means swe...

Hi Ray. Thanks for the feedback. I didn't intend it to be specific, as you guessed - it's just homing in on an emotional reaction. This is one of some old poems I've been reworking, but I'd hardly touched this one. Now you point it out, that line is weak, and completely unnecessary, as you get the i...

Hi Sharra

Nice to meet you, too. Thanks for the welcome.

I love your signature.

Helen

He was about to offer of his own accord. You spoke quickly, interrupting, refusing for both of us, and touched a raw nerve. A struck match flared, stooped to light a slow fuse, still burning. Containing it, I watch its trail, focussed on a glowing point that disappears into darkness. A cloud of fire...

I know Venice, I know the paintings, and I love this. My immediate thought was "What is this lovely poem doing in the beginners' section?" and I see that you're not a beginner at all. I also think there's too much repetition of "love" in the last stanza, but it doesn't come acros...

They cheered when they saw the pink taint in the air. Lounging on the lush grass they basked in the dregs of light emerging from over the hills, while the sun winked and dropped underneath the horizon. Flickering heat lapping hungrily at timber door frames, messy structures turn to ash. Screaming, ...

I do like this. You've captured the atmosphere of a mellow summer evening very well. I agree that it should have a capital at the beginning. The lower case letter makes it look as if a stanza's been chopped off. It really should be "as will summer" if it's supposed to be on midsummer night...

Thank you all for making me welcome.

I liked some of your images here. I thought the comma in the first couplet would be all right if you also had a comma after "daylight". I thought the 3rd, 4th and 5th couplets worked well, with a couple of reservations. I'm not experienced enough to know whether using initials and ampersan...

Hi, I'm Helen. It's nice to be here. I wrote poetry intensively for about three years, some years ago, but then became blocked for so long that I gave up. Since then, I've gone back to writing, but not poetry until very recently. I joined a Facebook group, and started posting some of my old work. It...