Poetry Forum

RACHEL

Much better.. and it really does improve it.

Well done.

BEST REGARDS
SEAN KINSELLA

KEITH If you don't feel the need to bother then don't... but as you did... I was spoken to disparagingly, and without due cause. I don't believe for one second Cameron would appreciate me dismissing the entire canon of his work in similar terms. I didn't mention the radio until such time. I understa...

CAMERON So because I don't write in your kind of style I can't write on here at all? Perhaps you need to check your 'Constructive Criticism' Guidelines? I'm not particularly inspired by Kipling or Keats incidentally You don't like me do you? (NB I have nothing against you) And you'd just as soon I w...

KEITH

I've been a Christian for 11 years, it's not an overnight thing this, and I'm very grateful that they're giving me the chance to speak, discuss and read.

BTW, most of the moving hymns tend to talk in language long considered to be obsolescent don't they?

BEST REGARDS
SEAN KINSELLA

CALEB

I've been fighting this kind of battle since April of 2004.

I believe free verse and meter have equal standing and merit.

However that is NOT a popular or prevalent view in modern poetic circles.

BEST REGARDS
SEAN KINSELLA

CAM No problem, we're here to be honest, but free verse (and I'm convinced of this), is something I just can't do as well as say, Arcadian Caleb or Leslie. I'm inspired by the old-fashioned language and poets, even if modern poetry is not, so there you go. We might have discussed archaic writing sty...

BIAA

For a title, how about 'Open Door'?

and I'd keep the last two lines and re-work therefrom, with a view to using same as the first two lines of the new poem.

BEST REGARDS
SEAN KINSELLA

CAM

Thanks for your comments

...as I feared. it hath aged

you should have seen the metrical version, I attempted to make out of it.

That is my last attempt at free verse folks OK?

BEST REGARDS
SEAN KINSELLA

THRESHOLD Late at night, I am the only light blazing alone at opaque black baited by unbreakable glass and taunted, I await the dawn, for time to enlarge the horizon like a photograph taken yesterday tinged with fickle yellow. Faces flood my empty sea I drown in moments that have died and silhouett...

COOLADD The last five lines are the best here really... "An imaginary yet believed importance living by the grandfather clock Grandfathers dead A life gone, rushed by the endless tick tock Killed by the ringing alarm clock". There's a lovely flow and feel to those , that doesn't quite occu...

RACHEL This one improved with successive reading for me. I'm not so struck on the repetition of "post-rain". It works the first time, but not the second. This however is a lovely piece of imagery "tracing the maps of your bark..." Find a way of re-phrasing the 2nd 'post-rain', an...

BIAA Thanks for posting your poetry It would have helped however, had you titled it, as after reading it 5 times I'm still none the wiser. Is some of it to do with materialism, depression or parentally governed issues maybe? Can you explain it?... That's a genuine request not a sarcastic one , as th...

KEITH These lines are excellent ... "Yet in spite of the nicotine grins and their sun scorched skin - I am drawn to rummaging, compelled by a deal-seeking demon, through five dollar antiquities and authentic relic replicas." The imagery elsewhere isn't quite as good, and maybe needs lookin...

I stand by my comments and wish (quite frankly) I'd written it.

Short sharp punchy and utterly destructive - the heart of satire.

I'd still feature it, but I would seem outscreamed on that one.

BEST REGARDS
SEAN KINSELLA

DUNCAN The rhyme scheme is somewhat contrived...If you want to write in a strict 4-4 compression, then you have to keep meaning as well as meter in mind. Two lines you could develop and re-deploy:- "In the home of Ned Kelly, Glenrowan's it's name where he rode in full armour, real daring and ga...

This read well for me, and I particularly liked the following lines and imagery:-

"sprayed peppered pollen
haphazardly into mandolin winds"

and...

"photo-synthesis and sunlight
fermenting winter phlegm" (that's the best line)

Well done

BEST REGARDS
SEAN KINSELLA

KEITH I quite liked this overall. Stand-out lines for me.... "A few taboo thoughts, seductive suggestions ask could my neck take it?" and the closing lines... "Educational summer camp object lesson Face fears or founder." That one hits hard and home . BEST REGARDS SEAN KINSELLA

UNCHAINED SOUL The first line is quite enchanting "My mood permeates consistently, persistently into my day" Then.. "insensitively lurking like an unwanted visitor " find a tighter image for the end of that line and re-work the remaining two, as they fall away slightly. BEST REGA...

ALEX I like the original version, and actually I'd keep the title, but commence the poem from the 3rd verse ...that just seems to work for me, because those are the most beautiful lines therein:- 'Suddenly he beckons me, As an old friend might, With words of welcome, Hushed and polite. "You scr...

Absolutely brillant from start to finish.

...featured Poem?

BEST REGARDS
SEAN KINSELLA

CAM Many thanks for what you said and the advice you gave. I am in the position you described at the close of your post - ie publisher charging me over £15 per poem every time I'm accepted in one of their anthologies. It's got to the point where I'm just unable to afford it anymore. Interesting... I...

I was born in Romford Essex in 1963, but grew up in Swansea South Wales. I read History and Biblical Studies at Swansea and Sheffield respectively, and I've worked in the Prison Service, DVLA and Royal Mail. I've lived in Chesterfield for the last nine years, and have been married to Sue since Augus...

CALEB

Thanks for the comments (and the bump).
You got my PM, so I won't add anything here.

BEST REGARDS
SEAN KINSELLA

Thank you all for your very kind comments (Caleb, thanks for the bump), this one was originally written around 1982/3, and only recently re-worked from its original free verse.

CAMUS - I've taken your point re: compression on board for another time and place.

BEST REGARDS
SEAN KINSELLA

Hello everyone

Unfortunately Sean is in hopsital but has asked me to pass on his thanks for your comments. He will respond once he's home.

Regards
Mrs K.