Poetry Forum

I thought of this like it was a stream of consciousness poem--but hardly think its without any reason. If you really keep reading you sense a 'meloncholy' about the poem. You could even switch the verses around or lines. It made me want to play with it so I hope you don't mind. electric arcs dissect...

A weeping willow,
uses way too much tissue.
A drama queen!

Ray, Sharra and Aru, Totally agree that the last lines don't congeal with the poem. I have it set in the middle east and suddenly i'm throwing pipe organs into the ending. Really interesting note is how poetic minds become a collective consciousness. When i first wrote this the ending was: kissed th...

Ray, I revised. Does this help? Yes two stories, one being the ancient story of Sarai and Hagar. The second being the modern 'other woman'. I am not sure the revision necessarily explains that. Was hoping that someone would 'get' it, particularly with the opening lines. Thanks for your comments. Muc...

Bella There never has been a conversation to which Boy has contributed 15 words and Girl only 4.

=18 words

Just proved you wrong.
=4


B.

But not really. Sigh.
He was not that into me.
Never called again.

workplace discontent may just be a vast, untapped source of creativity

then i must be a freaking genius!

Boy to Girl: Your eyes...
Girl: Yes...
Boy: Look like two sea creatures...
Girl: Huh?
Boy: Or a balding chap with a comb over...
Girl: Um....wha?

I like the way Elphin lengthened the lines. I think the opening shows a lot of promise but the second line was predictable in that 'alabaster white' and 'Everest roof' are well worn. I would try to say the same thing but find new expressions. Also maybe a twist rather than he climbed, he saw, he die...

I thought the opening was good. Got lost on: Each monotone allusion to form overlapping where light is excluded reinforced by his effigy… crafted in my mind, rewarding expectations Maybe too much going on. Pare it down. I also wasn't sure if you meant 'allusion' or 'illusion'. You could cut 'crafted...

Nice tribute. Well done.
Maybe its there that he will find Ben...

Revision your stubble was to be kept i said as i ran my hand along your jaw you said she didn't like it at all wants you smooth and civilized upon my knees bear on my knees and that through you I too may be built up lean back with lidded eyes damn you Stubble, kneeling in front of me you and your fa...