Poetry Forum

hey man, I love the structure and use of ryhme almost throughout, but there are one or two lines which stuck out to me as awkward; "steam rising out of festering greets me. The festering meets me! " and "Highways through metastases exacerbating its disease" (just seems a bit much...

hey raedaljishi, I liked this quite a bit actually, but the lack of apostrophes and full stops (although initially quite gratifying in slowing down the pace of the poem) sometimes becomes a bit dreary especially within the 3rd and 4th stanzas. "You just need to remove the blackness" For so...

hmmm soem gd points. Thge eyebrows should be eyelashes seems amazingly obvious now. The 'Ten' was intentionally capitalised to try and put some emphasis on the split personality that a person often seems to develop after a fall from grace. With regards to the eye emphasis, the underlying theme of th...

He held himself, so his knees were worn on the dirty floor. Pushed down to the ground, back to the start. “Get up” she declared, as her eyes pierced through his. Stand tall, look the world in the eye. “Cant you see I'm trying?” he retorted, as he merged his cheek with the dark, damp mud. His hips co...

Give me another cliché, help me feel validated, underrated, understated. Such a competition, this rat raced, fat faced world of yours. Another critic, insecurities masked behind 'gratifying' sarcasm. YES! You found a weakness! A flaw! Your chance to shine! Use your cutthroat wit, dominate yet anothe...

Hey Cheers for the advice, I think a change of title might be a good idea. Is the dome made of steel? cor blimey thats a point.. :? google manages to remain unspecific but i always thought the huge yellow spokes were steel, any construction workers feel happy to prove me wrong. The "tickets tog...

The Boldness of London The Boldness of London. STOP. GO. WALK. WAIT. So much pointless anguish, on such a pointless place So keep your Eyes and your Domes do with them what you will, for you gain no real insight, from these structures made of steel. Look away, while your children play, on your price...

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Spin wheel of time, but keep me in my age, Do you want me to change, or waste my life dreaming? Ah, but you cannot keep me! I have a plan. A quick Fix to escape, time will awake, but I will arise. So I run, jump out from meniality to Soar above the hoards. A smile greets my face, but look ahead One,...

you seem to have vented a large amount of anger/ passion there and it comes across throught the poem. You clearly oppose the defining of "chavism" but don't you think that this sort of sterotyping will create the exact same effect, but with the other side; "Surrey seems to spew scores...

yep June 88' making me a grand total of 16. Ask your friend if he hates Tooting too.

The "Tooting town" is merely a town near where I live. This was the first poem I ever wrote, inspired after a nice trip to Tooting in the evening, followed by an attempted mugging and one chav too many. I agree with the awkward lines, and will try to make some alterations.

Hi my names James Conlon from London and here’s a poem from a collection which I have been writing. Any thoughts would be appreciated Tooting town on Friday Out come the cries of grey, black and blue. A man looks down on the mountain But there’s nothing the mountain can do. There’s a rain in the air...