Poetry Forum

Thank you Oscar, I think I will keep that brandy but unsure at this moment. Thanks Ray, sorry it didn't hold your interest. Happens sometimes. I guess I'll wait a while longer before deciding on the brandy. Have had a lot of comment on that also elsewhere so I'm torn. Not sure I'm getting the Stepfo...

I actually don't understand this one either. The beginning stanza seems to be an inside code that the reader isn't privy to. I do really like: Still Life with a Plate of Onions was never meant to be a decoy if I read these two lines to intro a poem, I would feel confident the read was going to be a ...

Hi and thanks so much for coming into this poem. Your feedback helps so much with any problems with clarity which obviously there were some. points you raised: I suppose I should have said "prepared" or "served" instead of made the black currants. I'll made the necessary change t...

I've made black currants but they need something more. Scrambled eggs, not runny or rain-washed. How about a donut for your pinky? Starbucks? Tackle box by the back door, keys safety-pinned to your breast pocket. I like how you examine the bait. It seems to lift both your spirits. An hour, maybe two...

I like so much in this short poem. The opening line about silence is vague and read clunky to me anyway, and I offer these suggestions for you to help with it: [Silence lost as soon as noticed by ears unfurled;] the tin clock tracks intruding klaxon birds. A scratch, a yawn. The seismic kiss of tide...

Hi, I like the feeling of this but see a couple things. In the title would this help? Blue (,) for Rachel Away from the haze I forayed into the unfamiliar hue of an older daze. How did we get here? The poem leaves questions that are never answered or even eluded to. Where is "here" is the ...

Thanks.

Thank you

Stuart, yes, I am new to all the writers here and will look for more of your work!

Your sonics shine in this. Best I've seen in awhile. The metaphor is extended well and stays solid, but with one drawback (for me anyway) is I don't think writing about poetry in any metaphor is that original these days. But I'm torn because your language and use of it make this work on so many leve...

I think this is wonderful. I have no nits. It's clean,
tight. Just a smooth read all the way around. I'd submit it somewhere.

Helen, I like the natural voice in this except for L2. It read awkward, "I never could stop looking" I'm thinking "I could never stop looking" would read smoother. Was also a little puzzled at the shift in tenses with the "I see you everywhere" as up until then it soun...

Oh, how serene!

This is beautiful!

Suzanne, The choir boy is the best image in this. I almost wanted it at the beginning. I think this is just great but have some suggestions for you. Let me know if I go into too much depth, or not enough. I think the #1 thing I see in this is "she" is overdone and there are lines that just...

Lovely, I kind of thought that! Thanks for clarification. I had no idea. David, Thanks for the feedback. I didn't even see any connection between the sombrero and the coffee rings but I sure like that idea. I may develop that, if I can do so without it being too contrived. In looking at this draft I...

Thanks. Oh, I've done some embarrassing things in my life for sure.

Helen,

What hit me strongly with this was the last few words "made her squeal"
they seem completely out of context with the theme of the rest of this.
Could just be my take. The line about the password reminds me of The Mists of Avalon.

Ray, thanks for reading. I see what you are saying with those concerns and now that you put it that way, those lines seem problematic to me as well. He wasn't a cafe owner but I also see how that can be taken. What I feel is I need to work on more clarity with this one. Lovely, Thanks for coming in ...

Oh, I am so sorry. Honestly. I'm vision impaired and sometimes even with
the large font, I screw up. Brian. Got it!

Did I miss something?

Hi Brenda,

Well, I've not used this name before anywhere! So it must be another poet.
I don't recognize you! Thank you for the warm welcome.

He was a complex man who insisted on neatness but wore his shirttail flapping like the corner of the porch screens toward the end of summer. Only a full sun toward mid-morning would do, no sombrero, and especially not coffee dark rings left across formica. Such a classic table he said. One to be pre...

Thank you both. I hope to.

I'm not getting off to a very good start here am I? ha ha.
I'm so confused now I don't even know what I was asking!

Thanks.