Poetry Forum

i just tried a bloody reply to this and it logged me out. i best keep this one shorter. i liked this - good to know someone else is seeing this madness too (sounds like a recollection of the next 'full moon party'). in whatever line it was, how about 'engineering' instead of engineers? the last vers...

Merlin u swine!! James blunt! whyioughtta.
no, you were right. especially the bit about light from the sun blocked and the carriage lighting up.
i have twiddled it a bit, tried to skim off some fat.

cheers
gareth

cheers for the feedback guys.
lexi, that advice was useful, thankyou.
will give it a tweak when i have more time.

cheers
gareth

thanks merlin. i might try slipping a few of them into conversation at the pub.

it seemed that the obscurity was deliberate and it is good to experiment.
the reason it didnt sit well with me was because I couldn't see the person who was ranting. the words overpowered the voice, i think.

cheers
Sam

i need a bit of help on the structure of the thing i think......
(no doubt ive f*kd the SPAG up too)

The reflection of a girl appears only fleetingly between streaks of green on the wall by the track. The light changes. The pane flashes black and I see her, there, on the dark tunnel wall. Not as beautiful as the scene that revealed her; hair a bit straight and no life 'round her eyes. (She looked b...

Parturition - the action of giving birth. You learn something new every day! I couldnt even find 'amaurosis' and 'amercement' in the dictionary, can you help me out? I hate to sound like a dunce but there were a few too many big and complicated words in this that could have been replaced with smalle...

let me grab a dictionary and I will get back to you!!

To talk of trees and their beauty is always going to be a tricky subject. especially because readers who appreciate such beauty will come to the poem equipped already with a vast collection of writing on it (and also some strong views of their own). This means the poem has to either be very very goo...

yes, i removed 'eat my face' as i thought it was going a bit too far. barrie, sometimes i write with a 'speech impediment', sometimes i dont. sometimes i find it difficult to have to express myself while bearing in mind grammar, spelling, punctation...what was it SPAG? from gcse english. barrie, why...

thanks barrie. uve helped ss express himself in a fashion more suiting the climate. ss. b careful. read weller than uve read and speak better than u do. then attach with more venom and write with more talent. soon ull be good and then u can talk properly about serious things i gave advice to help u ...

ur poetry, now that needs work.

can i guess at u a while:

roughly 22?
well read.
struggling to find your voice?
enjoying being cleverer than most of the people around u but not yet been pushd as far as u wud like to go?

im beginning to like you very much.

select samaritan. i will, right now, hand over to u a lesson which i learnt yesterday on this very site: dont take criticism personally. let it drizzle off you, or, even better, through you, like water through a duck. everybody on this site can be witty. everybody can be a terrible c++t, everybody c...

also agree with 'on' instead of 'upon' his shelf

I enjoyed this. nostalgic, light. makes me think of autumn and blowing little bits of dust off old books. as for the prose v poetry issue. the fact that, as someone above has already said, its become a cliche crit in itself, i think shows that the boundries arent so clear anymore. what you should tr...

(david, i think it was the asylum seekers that i critted, was in prose sction)

sorry sorry sorry! yep. u are right. i didnt actually mean the poetry. i meant some of the comments and the like. but yes, i apologise it sounded awful. i'll keep the expression for the poems and will be more tactful with criticism. also, thanks for the comments on the 'poem'. that one chap who used...

i know im a beginner but i cant stand some of the drivel in that section. (im signing in using 'sam', which is from a couple of years ago. i have made 3 or 4, i forget, comments on others prose and poetry and this is the first thing i wish to post. i hope thats allowed, as i think my ratio's of comm...

im not quite sure that this is a 'poem'. it was originally a long sentence. i dont really think that there should be a diffence but, seeing how i have just this moment criticised someone's prose for sounding like poetry should i move it to the prose sections?

...some hot red wax carves out a shallow trench in the side of a candle as it moves in a small river.

It then forms, slowly, as it oozes out onto an old wooden table,
lit only by the light of a lobsided candle,
into a pool,
where it hardens
and stays.

There's temper tantrums, gays galore


get rid of this! it exposes ur ignorance and its not as good as the rest.
aside from that its solid. a few lines with one too many words squeezed in.
i like the ending.

you have caused a discussion though! and have moved me to respond for a third time so well played for that. i often wonder whether its all plagiarism in some form or other. we read a poem, digest it, let it settle and before we know it we have borrowed a style. i think that the aim of all poetry, pr...

sorry, we are supposed to help aswell as criticise.
write ur own bloody poems!

lazy