Poetry Forum

haven't done all that many yet cause im at work
but will knuckle down to it later

thanks alex69williams



have edited up above as i go along, not sure if that's what i should do or edit underneath to show progression,

bis

am not really sure about this one, doesn't quite sit right... Caught standing in blue light, Writing on blue paper with a blue pen I realized I’ve never marked a single sheet that I wrote. All the days I scribbled words in six foot letters On the inside of your eardrum Are lost and gone, leaving onl...

thanks for the comments guys

i see what you mean with the jumbled-ness

i think i wasn't thinking in a very structutred manner when i was writing it,and it shows.

gonna work on it some more get it tighter

cheers

bis

i like the repetition

it makes it hymn or trance like
it slowly breaks into a rythm. The rhyme scheme becomes more and more strucutred as the pace of the poem sets in and then breaks into the 'here's to the...' sequence
sounds great spoken

i love the use of language the more formal 'petic' vocabulary like zenith and nadir, juxtapoesd with the title of the poem, and the final sentence really make it for me the simplest words sometimes express emotion more succinctly or are a release as opposed to more constructed sentences. do you know...

i like it i think the mundane-ness of it is is strength a simple evryday occurence related in a tight way. Don't know if you meant to make haikus, don't personally feel that it matters if its off rythm, i think that plays to the pieces strength like the event described, just a bit off in terms of be...

just stumbled across this forum today and am quite excited about it all. Have never posted any work before so her goes: They fell in love in the back seat of a taxi, As it pulled up by the side of the river. When he had not been in the world for even a week, They dropped him on his head, And when he...

i really like this the progression of "melancholy" and then "look" from stanza to stanza gives it a really nice rythm. the conciseness of it gives it the frustration that i think is meant to be felt as it all feels vey pent upand just below the surface i like the idea of a poet &...