Poetry Forum

' It is not to be seen beneath the appearances that tell of it '

What a great line.

Cheers guys (or should that be Cheers' guys')

Most helpful. Probably should have re-read our absent friend's advice more closely.

Thoke, buy your own Minstrels!

summer's or summers' ? sorry about this.

Cheers Cameron. The dreaded apostophe! sorted. Am leaning toward agreement on last verse. Not entirely sure I want to get rid completely though. I do agree the 'stove yourself in' would probably stand better without repetion. Will consider an alternative verse or lines because I feel the whole thing...

Not really my cup of tea this Bren but I could be reading it wrong. The structure/ rhyme scheme encouraged me to read it fast, almost in rap form. Which it probably shouldn't, and I am influenced. Perhaps by the picture. That being your cause, its not fast enough. Without beating about the bush, wit...

Well, I've read this a few times. Partly because I like the language, in a physical sense, but mostly because I know there is a relevance to be found. Know because the poem says so. I'm thinking Nazi Germany but since Kims interpretation am looking for correlations between the two! uncomfortably, I ...

The eiderdown slips Your dressing-gown drips from the flesh of the sea. And a thousand silver scissors snip the flesh from out the sea. From the highway, a side road scoops out the hill, loops around the hill Drops down beneath a still brimming sea, a grey and brimming sea. Where you drove between h...

Good stuff Arunansu. Very quaint and quite clever the way you've weaved a picture of yourself writing the poem whilst interpreting the 'action'. Really good. Also liked the tumbling use of language in this, which mirrors the tumbling out of love, specifically relevant to the way birds fall out. Only...

After re-reading, the 'verdant' in skull reference (which I assumed was space helmet) and verdant being part of the reflection, refered more to the picture of Harrison Schmidt, where apparently hedges and greenery could be seen. aka: 'did we really land on the moon'? bollocks. Which doesn't matter a...

Hiya Wab.

I could be wrong but I'm assuming this is about the photograph Neil Armstrong took of Buzz Aldrin during the moon landing.

If so its a nice little commentary on the passing of time/ memory and, for them personally, youth.

If not, I'm stumped.

Minst.

Great architectural picture though. Is he looking in a mirror?...I reckon in an ideal world that arrow would come back to pierce him.

This could be shortend, but the nuances are not mine.

Bravo

Hiya Cam. Liked the characterization of the star and the planets. Also the haikus in stanzas which seemed to echo the isolation of each body. One or two sticking points which can perhaps be resolved by mixing/ matching the educational/ observational a little more evenly. Liked the Jupiter one a lot....

It takes a large word, and then shortens it, while maintaining it's phonetic root. This process can carry on as long as the word allows, but I only did it twice.

Onomatopoeia
Honour
on

Bollocks!.

Is this a device anyone has seen before? Does it have a name?


Bullshit.

As an afterthought: http://poetsgraves.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?t=4521 Look at comments, particularly Emily Dickinson comment. Intriguing considering the only correlation between the two poems is the theme. Also interesting you too, ended with death. Is this all sub-concious memory entanglement or ...

Only criticism: 'Pieces of purple has been lost into blues' Perhaps: Pieces of purple had/ or have been lost into blues. Or maybe (to mind better): A piece of purple has been lost into blues. Otherwise none, and I love the way you hold back on mentioning rainbow until end of first stanza, and the wa...

'Them lands beyond belong to strangers now' for me was a hook Bren, and set a look forward from the past scene onward. I enjoyed this poem regardless of its repetetive words and perhaps what could be seen as a sentimental sojourn in to the historic and uncelebrated beauty of strong women. I would've...

Lia

This is certainly a different direction from your previous poems and I like it. You have transposed your skill at line breaks too.

Unlike Emuse I thought the last lines a bit telly. It could be the dialogue.

Minst.

I am a disconnected plug, fumbled and stabbed into a blackened socket. A sprocket with broken teeth grinding a shifted gear downhill. Oh the thrill of a forked gesture to me as I pass and spill my guts. The V, to me, is some-kind of recognition for my moments of clarity. Sweet charity I cherish. Rel...

This is boring tfor. It says nothing, does nothing...the only high point was
'the room is filled with even more grey'.
If its a cry for help, then join the multitude and not a poetry forum. If not, then try to say more within the structure. If indeed structure is your intent.

Get your shit out.

Hello Gypsy Cake and welcome. On reading first stanza I groaned because I thought you were going all preachy and apart from that I absolutely disagreed with the sentiment. Then on reading second stanza I thought, oh, the poet recognizes the stigma! In contrast to the first. Good. Was completely paci...

The Runcorn Ferry by same. On the banks of the Mersey, o'er on Cheshire side, Lies Runcorn that's best known to fame By Transporter Bridge as takes folks over t'stream, Or else brings them back across same. In days afore Transporter Bridge were put up, A ferryboat lay in the slip, And old Ted the bo...

Aye, a good poem Brendan and flows as well as ever. Theme is secondary to your tale telling skill. A craft spun yarn. Not as up on history as your good self, always been more of a head down workin' man but enjoy a well told truth. Ireland is indeed a magical landscape, untouched surprisingly in its ...

On radio 4 this week was at the South Bank Poetry Library.

An interesting listen and a great/ unusual rendition of D.T's 'Death Will Have No Dominion' about half way through.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/thegreatlib ... pip/05mja/

And the methane here is thick,
its a floatin' o'er the bog.
And the methane here is thick lord,
its a floatin' o'er the bog.
Jus' a quiet place for a smoke lord,
now I got an arse like a spit roast hog....