Poetry Forum

Have you considered condensing this to a Haiku? Well I'm not sure where the perameters lie between prose and poetry/ dialogue and all the variations/ arguments therein but I thoroughly enjoyed this read Mr Dedalus or Malachy or O'connel or Seamus is it? Some changes from the first post, this one see...

Yep, layed back again. Good to know, good to read.

Minst.

Three minutes flat
and stuck together.
Our unopened chute
A hump in the heather.

Welcome Andrew, look forward to your input.

Minst.

" E's are not what they used to be "

Me too. Welcome Sarge, look out for flying shrapnel.

'This songs killing me,
I mean thong!' said good king Dong,
forgetting his lithp.

Thanks Kris. This is good!
He sings like some-one rolling a barrel of gravel down a cobbled street, like Dylan with bronchitis.
Right up my street.

I was just about to ask which poem this was taken from then realised it was daffodils. Great pun.

I like much of the language in this. I reckon you could write dialogue for Gollum, or the Orks.

Nice one Billy Wordsmith.

Geoff,

Much as it pains me to get involved with one of your 'puns', wouldn't 'ultra-sore-arse' be less...........vague as an ultrasaurus was an actual dinosaur?

and if eaten with a glass of wine : Ultrasaurus Vindaloo

I think you are selling Dave very short here Nicholas. He's one of, if not the hardest working moderator on here. They get little enough thanks as it is without being lambasted by respected posters. One of their jobs, I think, is to ensure the threads are readable/ understandable to anyone browsing ...

Chips and Rice Some say that curry is worst with chips, Some say worse with rice. From what I've tasted upon my lips I hold with them who favour chips. But if I had to perish twice, I think I know enough of fate To say that for anal destruction rice Is also great And would suffice. Source: Fire and...

I read these lyrics once, when they were first posted Keith. Liked them, then moved on. Somehow they've got into my head especially: Gods green hair is where I slept last night He balanced a diamond on a blade of grass remembered in the context of the lyrics/ poem. Will have to add music/ voice. Sur...

The moons a sitting duck isn't it. Its a pity its just white and round, there'd be so much we could say about it otherwise. I guess we are just stuck with love and hunting. All the primitive stuff. Mind you, there IS a rabbit on it. Poems about the moon, solely, or the sun for that 'matter' and corr...

Certainly a stayer this subject (little match girl). Who wrote the original story? Certainly has stuck, for one reason or another. Perhaps because constantly revived, which is not a critisism, testimony to the sentiment I'd say. In any case Stickstoyourface you certainly empathised. Some of your des...

I don't for one minute think this is how you would speak to or seek to inspire any form of aspirant Arco. That said, as a stepping out from yourself into a different, and almost alien type of character I think its really quite excellent/ skillful, and with some great and unusual images. 'a thin stre...

Skillful use of line break and skillful use of punctuation.

You created a scene, a snapshot.

Evocative, grey and moody yet still vivid.

Delightful.

Giants and stories about giants fascinate me David. He's a new one on me and a fine figure of a man! I once read an amusing account of an Irish giant from county Cork. I can't remember his name (convenient I hear you think). Who, when he was 22 had reached the dizzy height of seven foot eight. He de...

Thanks. k-j, The line breaks just happened and are not something I use as a rule, but the step of the metre, and the subject just kind of dictated it. I have to admit I wasn't sure. You are correct about the split into two stanzas, and at the right point. I did put two extra breaks/ gaps at that poi...

You're a fine writer in the Irish tradition Dedalus. This is a roller coaster of a read and I suspect, as usual, extempore. An example to us all. Wish I had half your love of literature. Sebastian Balfe Dangerfield is my favourite anti-hero, you write very much in the Donleavy style. (although the m...

Good one Barrie. Nice to see you channeling your anger toward the right place. Best for a while this one. Mainly because it flows, the language works. Well done. Confusion could arise, be arising, from your 'unwinisms' can I call them that? I am feign to contradict them because I like them. But not ...

He was in the bank Crouching over the teller A great lumbering, leaning oak of a feller. A mythical monster And shy by account Yet only withdrawing a sufficient amount to try and balance the scale. A presence An example Exceeding every sample of preconceived stature Gentle by nature Contained in vig...

I dunno Barry. I'm just a Tyldesley lad. Maybe I should keep at least one segged finger on the pulse of world politics, truth is I don't read papers, or watch television much. Got enough problems for one house here, then if I decided to look further afield I'd could find plenty to keep me angry with...

Yes. I like poems with a repetetive line. Only when done properly, which I think this is. Particularly poignant: 'A boy technically not an orphan with deep cuts caused by what he can’t identify.' Had two meanings, to me. An abused child (technically not an orphan) unable or unwilling to (identify) a...

Thankyou all. Encouraging. Julia, I watched a documentary about Rothko a couple of weeks ago so there is perhaps some influence, albeit sub-concious. ( he didn't give interpretations of his paintings which I reckon means he didn't have any ) David, Pseud, Nick. Some valid and intersting points there...