Poetry Forum

Nice one dw. This has a detached, zen-like quality. Yep. Phil JAckson will be passing this out to Kobe and the rest of the Lakers this year in training camp, and although it's good, it won't be good enough. Phoenix will still win the Pacific. My only real niggle is that the ending is anti-climactic...

Ilike your tone and I always like observant poetry. Also, I tend to hate fences, so you've got me with this one. I really liked "smudged with rabbit runs." I didn't like "I have brushed..." so much. Maybe daybreak should be doing the brushing. I think this is a poem that contrast...

I've never known quite how to spell the Tule part of fog. Honestly, I'm not sure either. Word liked it OK, and if it's good enough for Mr. Gates, it's good enough for me. Tulle? Tuly? Toolee? 2Le? Could do with a bit of shrinkage though, methinks. Agreed. Any suggestions as to where? the only weak ...

We five are riding in an eighty-seven Toyota. This squat car will carry us up out of the lowland fields south-west of Bakersfield, up, High Up to the bluffs and Bakersfield College. But the tulle fog has set in, just higher than our Corolla and thicker than chili at a Baptist pot-luck. We creep alon...

Good for you on revising. We see to many first drfts around here and not enough of the changes that may be taking place.Hopefully you start a trend. Maybe also a trend of ending poems with "moo." I think your best stuff in this one is the physical descriptions. Somehow "A long thick m...

hehe

My astronomy prof this summer bragged to us that he'd gotten his job through nepatism. That's what ya get at a junior college.

Ironicaly, this is one of your least pedantic works.

I like this one, as I tend to like all of yours that are set in the here and now.

Good detective work, sir. Um, sir? I don't have any of that other stuff you were asking for, and I won't get paid untill the 30th, but I do have some Black Muscat Blush. Would you like that in a panda shot glass, sir? BTW, do I talk so much about Tad that you recognize his characters names on sight ...

Wow. My advise was taken on my first post. Shouldn't there be some time period in which I am ridiculed and mocked and told to bring beer: "Bring me a beer, newbie, and shut the fuck up about justification. I'll beat you in the center and be justified in doing it, too." I guess I'm a little...

This one is fun. The sound plays in unexpected places and the rhythm sway like Bobby dances. That and all of the puns keep making me smile. If I have any advise it’s to get rid of the last two stanzas entirely. Poems don’t need plot (although, I already know you can’t resist putting one in), and thi...

This is as much question as critique, but why the use of center justification? Is this your habitual form, or is there some aspect of the piece you are drawing out. To me it makes the poem feel silly and amateurish, whereas the character herself is not silly at all. As far as I know the only success...