Poetry Forum

hey thanks for the break breakin' clarification

as far as punctuation, that is a good idea, I guess the best thing would be to get rid of as much as you can

happy weekend! I am off to PA,

~Jennifer

okay 1201 I am gonna tear this poem apart, not because it isn't good, but because it is. 1. Why no periods? Some of these phrases run into each other on and one, and it is difficult to see where I am supposed to stop. 2. Verb tense. I think you could lose some of the 'ing's. I will show a few that I...

Bombadil- thanks for the read and the comment! I could expand upon the last stanza, but I am not sure if it would be acceptable in this forum... :twisted: :wink: 1201- saddle up old boy Arcadian- Thanks for the suggestions on stanza 3, I will definately take a closer look. I wonder why surprised th...

Spectacular 1201, glad to see you posting here. I will search through this again, looking for places you might consider changing. What exactly are you not happy with here?

I really enjoyed this poem! I love those pieces of life taken to the next level. I will be back, I want to say more, but I cannot shake my sleepyness right now. thanks for this- Jennifer ps no need to apologize, the white dashes are often necessary. I am not sure how to do spaces either, and did not...

Leslie, The third stanza is eloquent, soft, stylish, lovely( more below) It is not easy to write a poem with an "agenda" without sounding preachy. You dance along the edge of observation and prescribing the opinion. This is well done. I have some comments below in the text of the poem. RIG...

I wrote you letters all day in my mind. First as I sanded the weather off of the red wagon then sealed the wood waterproof. I wrote another while I pulled heavy towels from the washer and shoved them into the dryer. But they are always too serious to send. My coating is still peeled and all that fal...

Hi Rach, ah I love the description of the cow! And the question of who is being hypnotized. Having spent a great deal of time with cows myself, I could get the message right on! Thanks! Once a poet suggested that I change my 'ing" verbs as much as possible to see how the feel of the poem change...

Hi! I am a big fan of the Corolla, so you had me from the start. Love the beginning, and wanted it to be one of those groovy bonding road trip poems, but it wasn't :( ah tragedy. Does not say anything about the poem, just of my predictions. I could see the truck driver there. Good description. I hav...

semi-permanent Me 'n my rig, semi-permanent. Got all 18 wheels down full load, full on 'til another back-up on the beltway slows me to a dead stop. Idling, clickin’ through stations, so tired of hearin' diesel driven songs from lily ass boys that never sat a 12 hours running down state borders chec...

haha. This 18 year old does. Prolly not commonly though, no. ah ha! can't argue with that! Well we have something in common besides poetry then :) I think my 4 year old is gifted. He has already started calling me Jennifer. Already a punk. This is why they don't draft 4 year olds. Too undisciplined...

ah loved the part about calling Mom by her first name...

Question: Do 18 year olds still listen to REM? I don't really have much contact with this age group at this point.

Caleb, Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my poem! I don't think the lack of figuring out what "it" is really reflects upon either of us. Well, maybe if the ambiguity is frustrating or annoying, I guess I should consider changing it around. It came out in the process of w...

Bombadil, I like the raw honesty in your writing, what I have seen so far. Last stanza is killer, then again so are the others. Damn! All of the stanzas follow a pattern.. Someone (or something) you are yearning for (?) cool description: statements addressing recipient except for the 3rd stanza. I a...

good combo of cynicism and humor, last line cracked me up. you might reconsider the ellipse... I use them all the time and then force myself to undergo the painful ellipsiectomy just a suggestion. thanks for the laugh (is there another little animal that leaps to its own doom? poor lemmings always g...

Thanks guys, Literally wrote down what was in my head at the time, what a cop out. Sorry TG to refer to you in the past tense, welcome. a cop out?? sheesh that is what I always do.... um what am I supposed to be doing..... :lol: this smilie has the DT's Thanks for the greeting Kris, I am glad I fol...

thanks flabberghasted Will, for reading and commenting on my poem.

sincerely,
flattered and humble Jennifer

why does the word humble always remind me of the mid 1800's?

"made some make-shift signs
shut his sensitive eyes
and sang Kum-Bye-Ya,
74 times "

cracked me up!

save the humans

how do you do it just like you, baby, just like you. Up, there. Gutted row homes lined side to side, holes in brick we can see through to the vacant lot behind. Inside she crawls over recycled mattresses edge to edge to find the one, the soft padded featherbed that does not belong here among expose...

Hi Sarah! I would love to read your work as well. Thanks for introducing yourself. sheesh I wonder how old Mr. Camus thinks I am. and I wonder if you have my eyes. hmm I think I will go post a poem make myself at home edit: 16! Whoa I am impressed! I really enjoyed the poems I read so far, did not c...

Leslie, a very strong, clear opening leads the reader in! I am not generally a big fan of poems including the gods, etc, but in this case it fits-

look forward to more of your work--

Jennifer

agree with the last 2 posters on the rich language, I enjoy your use of repeating sounds, and lingo of the seas. A nit. While certainly not my forte nor a pet peeve, you might consider looking back over this and be consistent on punctuation and capitalizations. When you use more twisted language tha...

Ah thanks Camus
now I shall spend my evening worrying
about the butting goat and the potential damage
to poor Old Gramps on the edge!
not to mention the other colors of the pegs!

missed your writing!

Jennifer