Poetry Forum

I give up, which third wrote this?
Oh, the second third,
can I buy the first one dinner, we can discuss what to do with the bodies.

Why did you change to percent for the last third?

yes, but not that translation.
who did it?

first seven lines are sheer genius
not sure about the last line

the nightingale is a reference to keat's ode to a nightingale (just the fact that it exists, and that nightingales have been written about); and the whole stepping into a river thing may be chinese, but it also comes from Heraclitus of Ephesus. the idea behind this one was to describe an experience...

thanks rach: btw, this is deliberately chock full of allusions - my eternal respect to anyone who can spot them all! (i looked some up, i dont know them all by heart!) i think there are 8 poems/writers alluded to intentionally, though there might be more... My respect to you, for recycling the allu...

Excellent choice of repeating lines, gives the right feel of paranoia.

"the crime rate's climbing higher every hour.
Excuse me, you should go. I need to lock the door."

ROCKS
Flawlessly
Do like this best:
"Slews of
no-rhythm tattoos dancing
drunkenly to their boots’ beat."

just a bad idea

"I am world weary and bleary eyed and teary footed"

,is one of those lines I would love to hate, mostly for being sooo bad. I can't, it works followed by these two:

"dragging myself on the wings of self pity
I search of a self that's less pithy, gritty, shitty, fuck-witty."

Thanks doods. And contrary to opinion (TG) I wasn't drunk when I wrote or posted it. Although I see why you might think so. Basically a poem about things that bug me: I'm an upstanding Middle Englander these days, fucking drab. This should have been introduced, and wove somehow in as a theme. Don't...

I think it is a great quote. Emphasis on "great". Auden perhaps wrote too "great". Firstly...I agree with. Secondly...I wonder what he meant by significant, but the unique perspective helps to keep it fresh. Lastly, "What the poet says has never been said before, but, once h...

See you've been rummaging in the archives arco. The three main ones (as far as I'm aware) are Haiku, Tanka and Choka (naga-uta). They all use the old 5, 7 routine. You'll be glad to know that meter is not involved and the syllable count is all syllables, stressed and unstressed. I don't think there...

ditto
sort of
I missed the disgusting part

I like this stanza structure, with the one line aside. (or the short line) It is a structure from comedy, but you are setting it up like: Joke - punch line, there is no unifying theme here. As, is it comes off as incoherent. I stared my cat out, into the cold; He almost froze, won’t look me in the E...

I guess if it is iambic pentameter we'll forgive the 10 count, and count the stresses instead

no, I followed it perfectly 8-5-13 good play on Judas, as far as sonnets go, I do not enjoy most of them, this one held my interest. Partly because I am working on a "Fibonacci" poem, at the rate I write, you should see it in about 55 years (I do not know what to do about line zero, either...

dillingworth, as was, it sucked. It prompted me to make two changes.
Your call was correct then, here I am not sure.
I thank you for the revisit.

clever
clever
You chose
the form now
live the rules or you
could always
drop a
line

BTW 10 is not a Fibonacci number,

unless you count two fives
I did not
see it
here

Camus, this has an unsual stucture that I like, I've been looking at it for a while, at first glance it looks like two poems, the last line clues me in. The line between the two sections is great. Charlotte section jars nicely. dillingworth makes a good point "forgotten Obelisk" is a probl...

there are better ways to present "white noise"

I do hope so, everytime I write something, I get creepy feeling I am remembering it. I hope the last two lines are orginal, I tried checking. As for the rest, you're pretty much right, although "kneeling on the surface" I thought was good. A little history, this was in response to a thread...

tell me
tell me
what do you see
when you look upon the water
do you see your own reflection
kneeling on the surface
fish beneath
do you see the sky through
leaves

I fear I see the wind instead
hidden behind a breeze


*two line changes

1201 .. the way he washes his head in Apocalypse Now . Cam Thank you I figured it was either that or "Hey Johnny what are you rebeling against?'' "What have you got" Hey, can I add Brando? Tennyson, too, I had to recite a poem in grade school, Yeh, Volleyed and Thundered, and all tha...

Marlon Brando?
pls expound Cam.

T.S. Eliot (too much so) Ezra Pound (more for his writing on, than his poetry) Baltimore (the city, for one dead, the other living) Jacques Derrida (who served as a starting point for my lunacy) Dan Schneider (an excellent web site, that I read every day) of course Keats and Yeats and Coleridge some...