Poetry Forum

i loved this, it reminded me of a poem in anglo-saxon called "the ruin". there is a reasonable translation at http://www.ccc.nottingham.ac.uk/~aczsjm/wap/angsp.html on the whole "slowly" problem, perhaps you might try an adverb which describes the process of crumbling and ruin i...

Leslie, I realize this is a bit of a "love-fest" comment. Damn, I like the way you think. "Emphatic." Yes, I love the one word sentences at the end of the stanzas. And yes, I loved your description of the spiders' trembling art "Spiders have laced their trembling art... Grit...

contemplation of [those] breaking moments <what do you [Did you see me] (I)n the cold rain in the forest did you see me as a vague and ugly ghost(?) (A) monsterous form assumed reprehensible, half crawling with a basketfull of souls [traversing] (that traverse a) clouded downward slope(?) (It)grasp...

okay 1201 I am gonna tear this poem apart, not because it isn't good, but because it is. 1. Why no periods? Some of these phrases run into each other on and one, and it is difficult to see where I am supposed to stop. 2. Verb tense. I think you could lose some of the 'ing's. I will show a few that ...

Thank you Sean,
I am never happy with this one.
What didn't you like? What didn't work?
Something isn't working for me, I can't really put my finger on it.
I am pround of this, though:
"a ghost, glued with a chameleons skin"
it was distilled down from 20 bad lines.

I was not aware I would go through life and find no reason I try forgetting so there will be nothing but consuming emptiness Still contemplation of those breaking moments that became who I am a ghost, glued with a chameleon’s skin that I try shedding, as I try forgetting the litany of failures Recit...

sometimes, years
sometimes, I can't type fast enough

This starts off so well, has so many wonderful lines, In every frescoed hall The dying moments Of an unknown saint, Canonized in oil on stone. ... Too soon the autumn Dampens the cobbles. ... Though the chalices are tarnished, Denuded by the cameras' flash to chose, just a few that appealed to me a ...

yee-haw
this 'ol lily assed boy wants to take up guitar again
sing back up, cowgirl

Serious poetry shit now! This is one that has cropped up on Post-a-Poem a couple of times. It seems to me that there are two different situations which are not desirable. (I'm sure some of you will disagree!) 1) Where the poet attempts a tight, complex form like a sonnet for example and as a result...

"and all that falls soaks deep." you know, I love these lines you come up with. yes msJVB I want to know about that silver ring. You tied this one all together, I question the last line, because it asks too many questions, one can make many assumptions about the gold ring, but both seems t...

Leslie wrote:I am crumbling. 'Slowly' is, admittedly, a rather ineffectual word. The easy, even lazy choice, perhaps.
I shall rack my brain (admittedly crumbling) for something more pertinent.
Thanks all. Leslie.

Leslie,
I applaud you.

'Each stone adds weight to my sadness" eh, I heard better, but this line is buried; now these two are very nice: "for this decaying, isolated barn - my ruinous topless tower of Ilium. " and they are in a more important postion. if "Each stone adds weight to my sadness" was a...

Hi Twelveo - the slow process is what I want to portray. What do any readers feel about a slight alteration in the order: 'But here the crumbling citadel succumbs slowly to the one enemy, Time' ? Leslie. Leslie, I realize. What do you think of this: But here, slowly, the crumbling citadel succumbs....

'What's it going to be then, eh?'

A Clockwork Orange Anthony Burgess

cameron wrote:'Mother died today. Or, maybe, yesterday; I can't be sure. The telegram from the Home says: Your mother passed away. Funeral tomorrow. Deep sympathy. Which leaves the matter doubtful; it could have been yesterday.'

(weirdly detached)

The Outsider Albert Camus

The Stranger?

God I love it

And Rene' Descartes was a drunken fart
"I drink, therefore I am"

Camus would be better than Orwell; as a goalie. Orwell was better at everything else, except writing French.

I was keelhauled,
Shanghied, don't you know.
Hope ya don't mind another 'merican muckin' up the language.
Eliot did.
'ol Ezra did.
I figured I'd give it a try.

"that does not belong"

Reminds me of those picture things kids get "What does not belong?"

You have a knack for those lines.

Rolled me over.

"no subterfuge of swallowed men.
But here the crumbling citadel slowly
succumbs; the one enemy, Time, "

I do like these three lines, they are stellar; the word "slowly" bothers me where it is, "slowly succumbs" sounds a little tired, not up to the grand scheme.