Poetry Forum

Hey.. I like the topic of the poem and the format you've used.. but even after reading about the technique I find that something still doesn't flow. Could be the way I read perhaps. To me, there seems to be a lack of rhythm keeping connection throughout, although obviously there is the connection be...

Man I loved reading this poem. I really like the portrayal through the eyebrows.. it's very imaginative. I don't know about anyone else but I was moving my eyebrows along with it :lol: Also, the endearing terms 'honey' etc really added to the liveliness of the piece. It felt real. Well done mate.. b...

Lol thanks Brian - I was wondering if anyone would pick up on where this came from

Thanks Nar - I noticed on this forum that italics are used quite a lot so I thought I'd give it a go. It seems a great way to differentiate or emphasise. Noted about the punctuation

Quarter century arrives,
Train fails to stop at request.
didn't they see me?

Quarter century gone
It's too much to digest
so I slept until three

Quarter century on
no ones even dressed!
yet another cup of tea.

Quarter century. Fine.
Not really that depressed -
Time to live and let it be.

It almost seems like a watercolour!
It's amazing that that's the natural photo - people apply filters in Photoshop to get that effect!!
Very nicely done!!!

I really like this!
I love the way the accent comes across.. it really brings a lot to the poem.

"Up to our knees in fenian blood,
surrender or you’ll
no get served doon the chippy."

Lol. I don't have any criticisms although I do agree with Nash about the Tatooine.
Good job

Hehe. No worries Peter.. I'm all for rants helps keep things natural.
Whether you misunderstood or not you had some valid points regardless and I appreciate it - I think it's good to hear people tell it how they feel it. It can be much more constructive.

Hey Arian.. I understand what your saying. I'd like to mention though that I don't feel like I'm making excuses (although I appreciate it does seem that way). This poem was an effort to put into context some theory I've tried to learn since joining the board. I'm only ignoring some aspects so that I...

No need to apologise :) It's a nice response! I like the science terminology. Raincoat - I agree about preferring the original. Maybe I'm trying too hard to alter it when all it might need is a tweak. I'll try for the tweak next time and see what happens.. could be that it works. Could also be that ...

death drives all highways,
calculated.
elegant.

if only we knew the parameters
us children
of tomorrow

I've attempted a re-write.. I'm still unsure about the flow. I've condensed it and taken out a few possibly unnecessary words - I still don't think it flows well though. Some elements I feel are a little better while I think other aspects have possibly got worse.. I like it being more concise in tha...

It feels to me like the sort of childhood relationship that you have with your 'cool' uncle or friend of family. The one who you don't see very often but is always full of life, laughter - and every time they see you they have a present, or a planned day out etc. To me it's like the first time the c...

Hehe. I find it quite amusing that everyone has different ways of reading things. I'm glad though because it's what makes things interesting. I still haven't re-written this yet but I will do. Been real busy the last 2 days :) Thank you guys for your opinions and I'll keep them in mind for the re-wr...

Here is a drawing of a girl inspired by Angela Carters 'Magic toy shop'. This girl is how I imagined Melanie to look, with the solemn look that I also imagined her to have. http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v339/69/42/572788199/n572788199_1385921_504.jpg Sorry it's a little blurry. No scann...

*gets dictionary out*

Forgetting the terminology for now..
Assuming rhythm to be the general momentum.

I think I understand what your saying - I'll head off and do some exercises to understand properly.
This poetry stuff is a lot to grasp!

Hey guys, I've not re-written anything I've posted so far but here is my experiment/exercise with rhyming. Having trouble with keeping the amount of syllables per respective lines in each verse the same so feel free to make suggestions. I don't suppose you could buy me a rose? Nor compose for me a l...

Thanks for your comments - very appreciated. How do you think I should go about re-writing to improve? I thought I'd start with counting the syllables to see if there are any correlations. Also I will figure out what's going on with the rhyming. Maybe there is a pattern that I can work on.. or the b...

Was this also on your Nokia?
Your going to have to let me know the model.. I'm coming up for contract renewal soon

I love the contrast in textures!
I assume there are a lot of thistles where you live? They're pretty plants.

:) thanks Paisley. The font if your interested is called 'peaches sundress' - you can get it free from dafont.com. I know what you mean by the cutesiness. I was going for a parody of those grey cutesie teddy bears you see a lot of these days. I couldn't be bothered drawing a sorry looking bear hehe....

Hey guys,
Thought I'd design some alternate greetings cards. This one is for anyone that has screwed up in their relationship..

Ah - I missed the point here didn't I. Arian - In that case I would agree that such 'offensive' words no longer have any currency. They don't shock me any more. In fact if I'm honest, I didn't read it as a swear word, but I did notice it within the piece. Perhaps because the usual offensive nature s...

Aah the old 'social faux pa' discussion :) I had a conversation about the use of swearing recently with my Dad. I came to the conclusion that swearing is perfectly acceptable as long as it expresses exactly what you mean to say. Appropriate and succinct when a longer, better thought out sentence mig...

Wow that was from your Nokia!?? Nice! I take photos but I'm more of a graphic designer (mature student). My photos are usually taken with the intention to be used as part of a magazine layout/advertisement. Have you ever thought of getting a DSLR? The Sony A230 is the cheapest on the market and it's...

I do have a tendency to be very clumsy with my sentences.. I don't really think while I'm writing I just write so I think I should probably go over afterwards to check on things like that. I'll see what I cam come up with.. it might be difficult as I'm not necessarily in the same mind as I was when ...

my misdirection
sent him, knowing all the while
of lurkers hidden