Poetry Forum

Hi Neil, Your title also took me back to the tv sitcom and, of course, to the song, which to my surprise I believe I remember the lyrics to intact. The title can be taken as a pun or literally, as the curator is performing an act of love, preserving his objects of desire for future enjoyment. Your 2...

It's so true that the poem sounds rather archaic in its structure and I seem to indulge in too obvious phrases. I certainly don't want to sound like Long John Silver, haha, that definately is not a twist I wish to give the tale! The poem is about loss, not specifically a lost love, it's about someon...

Yes, I am open to all suggestions, I never meant I wasn't, but I did not expect parts to just be re-written with no comments or reasons as to why. I admit, I didn't like this and didn't see the point in it either. I fully accept that the poem is lacking in many areas, I totally agree that the expres...

Footsteps already blown from the path is not a main feature in the poem, it's only important in the first verse, to immediately emphasise the impossibility of what follows . The imagery is meant to be very simple, the verb is all important, each verse must end with the appropriate verbal structure....

I'm sorry, but I do not see this as a few suggestions, I see it as a re-write, and to be honest you have not captured the mood of the poem. The last verse in particular is so far away from the original meaning that I wonder what you must have been thinking. I don't understand why such an altered int...

Ok Arian, guilty as charged for not watching my capitals and for my thoughtlessness. If you can find it in your exacting heart to forgive me whilst simultaneously keeping your hair on, I will mend my ways. I have read the forum guidelines; however I don't feel prepared to make such detailed critique...

The snow will fall, and still he will not have come, his footsteps already blown from the path. In vain the snow shall cover treetops, and birds will fly to their nests, In vain I will come out to await him, And still he will not have come. Even if one day my tears were to dry, His bluebird voice on...

Thanks for the feedback which I truely appreciate and the positive words of encouragement. Ummm, I'm not really sure why I gave the poem such an archaic structure, I didn't do this on purpose but having it pointed out to me has made me think about this, perhaps i wanted to give the poem a "supe...

I think plop is best here, plop has a round, whole sound whereas drip is less generous, splash too much, and then the continuation of "plopping sounds build a chorus" wouldn't work so nicely if it was "dripping sounds".... "splashing sounds would be too confusing as the poem...

Thanks for replying so promptly Dante. I really appreciate it. I agree the poem is on the melodramatic side.... I did want to write a straightforward poem though, and my intention was to directly tell the moment of returning to a house after a long absence. I know that rhyme should not dictate over ...

Hello there, I am a 37 year old female who writes a bit of poetry here and there, I'm looking forward to receiving feedback on my poems and hope that I can do the same, though I still feel a bit shy to do that... I did feel the urge to say how much I liked one posters poems, but I found the topic wa...

Hello Dante, Thank you for your reply. Rest assured that my username has no such antisocial inclinations as you suggest, and I am certainly not the phantom poster! :) I do not feel like making any critiques of the work of others as yet, which does not mean I have not been reading the forum with grea...

Shadow Walking in the shadow and forever lost i felt cold in my soul like a morning frost As i approached the house and on the door i knocked his name i called But the house was silent and the rooms were darkened and outside in the garden the birds had gone Suddenly behind me the rush of a step i ge...