Poetry Forum

I haven't had anyone to discuss poetry with since my second year at uni. I had an awesome poetry group there with a tutor who loved his job and students who were passionate about words and expression. The singer of my band has recently started to read some poetry and I'm think it will expand his abi...

I liked coldplay. I even liked them when the second album sounded quite similar to the first. I can't stomach a third album which combines the tracks from the previous two without actually developing in style, content or production. I've been told that 'fix you' is an awesome track, but it just abou...

Thanks guys, All useful comments. I've handled my fair share of booze and other intoxicants down the years so I think perhaps I'll be driving on the right for the time being (be wary if you're in the leicester area). forget about writing and just read for a day or three, just to remind myself that i...

Hey, I've been struggling recently to find any words to put my thoughts into. I've had plenty of inspiration around me but for some reason nothing has come out. I'm wondering how you guys feel about this. Do you often clam up even when you have things you want to say. I think fear has a lot to do wi...

Hey all, I haven't checked the site for a week or so now due to a surfing trip in cornwall (where the internet has yet to reach). I'm amazed to see such hostility towards derek in both this thread and the previous. Bombadil I know you have a tendency to ge irate about things so I'm not gonna say any...

Hey Fire, Welcome to the forum. I have been in the place you describe here many, many times, so I appreciate where you're coming from. I think you have done a good job of describing this situation in terms of your imagery and language. Another strong point is (as pseud suggests) the use of rhyme in ...

I don't know how this one will read to you guys... I can hear the music that it goes with so I get a fuller effect. Hope you like it, for it's message if not for my lack of craft. Seeks. This love I give away, expecting no return, 'cause no one should believe you die when you've been burned. Your an...

The street lamp looks downcast like a head-less stale lager with no soul tonight I love this description, it really gives atmosphere to the poem. My only real issue here is with the words 'asphalt pavement', which trip over each other a bit. Consider using one or the other of them, but not both. Ho...

I don't like the use of a christmas carol here although I think the subject matter is well chosen and that you show a great deal of passion for it. The use of the carol does give a sense of innocence being crushed, but this surely could be achieved within a structure of your own creation and to grea...

I like this. I don't whether to laugh or be ill, pickled beets are a crime for which we will all pay in the end! I'd love to know what inspired you to write this.

Seeks.

Hey Monique, I like the concept you've got here, the idea of all being stripped away until the only thing left is your core being. I also like the positive energy you have included through the characters learning from the experience. I would say this reads as a little prosy, there is no definite pul...

Hey Rach, Love your choice of subject here, it's one that intrigues me. I hadn't ever thought to write about it though. Brave of you to use 'Transmogrification'. Such a long word in such a short poem, but you pulled it off nicely. I wonder if there is any more you could add to this. You've exposed t...

Hey,

I like this a lot. A simple blending of two different strategic situations but well worked. The occasional rhymes lend to the feel nicely especially in the final two lines.

cheers for posting it.

Seeks

Hey, I like the idea here but I think you have caused yourself quite a few problems by trying to rhyme. This is especially the case in the lines: Our lone paths cross, then are blown apart forever As I got what I wanted, and she her cash did recover Here you have a half rhyme that is extremely force...

I wrote this one a while ago while travelling through China and have decided to revisit it. I think it needs quite a bit of work as the point seems to have got lost. It is meant to be about being tied to a relationship that is dying and that you are unable to leave until the very end. Thanks for the...

To wake up and know what the day will achieve. To anticipate every pitfall, avoid every obstacle, answer every doubt with confidence, and never to let the questions overwhelm. To smile when you need to cry showing not the cracks that form upon your immortal being. Like the mask the tea girl wears an...

I'm a huge fan of this with the revisions to the second stanza. It flows well and the imagery is beautiful. I'm a fan of abstraction too I especially like the final few lines: Fingers reached out to hold the mug's ear. Coffee leaves small stains - like blood, As the earth greedily sucks it in. I loo...

A chance to communicate things that my ordinary everyday voice cannot get across.

A good deal of fun as well, and escape as Bombadil so righly says.

Seeks

Hey, Great poem, I love the pulse and energy. You have a great knack, from what I have seen of your work so far, for building a climax of both rhythm and language and this is another fine example. I thought the compound 'pop-culture' broke the rhythm a bit at the end, but I can't suggest an alternat...

Awesome!

I can say no more.

Thanks,

Seeks.

Full lips and a pretty face compensate for disagreeable teeth; argumentative at best, some refusing to stand side by side. I love the way you describe the teeth here, nice work. I like this poem as a whole although use of the word 'very' in poetry always makes me nervous because there must be a bet...

Hey,

I love Rage, but I prefer Soundgarden. Check out some of Chris Cornell's lyrics on the albums Badmotorfinger and Superunknown. If haven't heard it already then try out Euphoria Mornings (his solo album) especially the track 'Steel Rain'.

Awesome!

Seeks.

Glad thats all cleared up.

I'll try to think more about what I write next time.

seeks.

Bombadil, your response seems quite hostile. I thought constructive criticism was the order of the day here. I assure you I did not mean any provokation in my reply to your post; I was merely asking for a clarification of your comments. Sorry if I failed to make that clear.

Seeks

Cheers for the comments guys. Bombadil: To me there is no confusion in this, but then I wrote it so I perhaps understand a bit better what its about. Will: Yes that should be a question mark (ooops). The significance of 4:49 is to do with the time at which most office workers finish their days graft...