Poetry Forum

Yeh, perhaps you're right Nar.

I was just going for the continuation repetitive annoying thing, hey it worked!

thanks
CD

I suggest you aquaint yourself with Stravinsky's breakout piece (The Firebird)

Fair comment. Do you know what, i'd love to, but I bet i don't!

'blent' can either be considered an archaic term or a literary one

Well in the context of the poem I found it to be an archaic term...

Best draw a line under this, I'm bored now. I look forward to your contemporary posts.

cheers
CD

under the amnesia of a firebird,

What does that mean? What symbollically is its use?

which so charmed did glow,

Use of Inversion just totally unnecessary to my eye and ear? And yes, very old fashioned.

turn on the axes of time

this sentence is odd, old fashioned in the sense that it uses axes instead of perhaps axis? Don't get it?

For sure:

Starter for 10, or maybe 5 or 4 ...

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/blent

Thanks Pauline,

Appreciated.

Please do.

And judging by your comments on Arnu's post, you certainly seem to know what you're talking about.

I have no wish to enter into petty arguments, I've been around forums for too long, some people can accept crit, some people can't, that's just the way it is.

especially on a poetry forum,

Ah, I see you missed that all encompassing word from your comment.

Contemporary on a contemporary poetry forum.

That I'm afraid is the crux of the cul-de-sac debate.

So wouldn't the use of such forms be 'old fashioned'? No they wouldn't and really shouldn't be! See Tony Harrisons use of the "modern" sonnet. Believe me Alfie, I wouldn't have bothered commenting if I didn't think the poem was old fashioned and out of place, which it clearly is. As I sai...

I thank you.

CD

Hey RP, I found this a little archaic in its language and approach, the use of inversions and such like. I also found it a little heavy, symbolically. Ah! The old archaic V contemporary debate! Alas that will never be solved, but look above you: "Contemporary Poetry Forum, Creative Writing Work...

Odd then, that you choose God’s birthday to shrink our lives into boxes and bags. I could have sworn on the table, that you said that I said, that love was an ant, and If I did then surely it goes that I should follow you, pheromonely so. Alas, I have no recollection of such tender antennae treatmen...

Ah,

The loss of nuances in this virtual world is hard enough when speaking your own language, never mind a foreign one!

Respect to you.

Hi Lovely, Thanks for your comments on my poems, although I must admit to finding your comments somewhat confusing, and your poems similarly so! Forgive me but I'm presuming English isn't your first language? If so, it would be rude of me to comment really, but just to say breath should probably be ...

Hey Nar, Great subject to approach, the old "social networks" I reckon you could have done more with it though. Maybe bought the disciples in making inane comments about the latest fishing quotas in galilea? Jesus trying to get off with Mary Magdaline! Oh yes the possibilites are endless, ...

Ooops, sorry about the 3 posts, things went weird!

How do I delete them?

A bit of social commentary, right on!

I liked the humour and your use of colloquial language, proper good that was.

Not quite sure what the "two hopes" relate to? and if they don't relate to anything within the poem then I'd say they are superfluous and need changing.

Nice one
CD

The revision loses more than it gains.

Ahhhhk, perhaps so, looking at it.

I'm not happy with the last two lines, I'll come back to this one.

thanks

CD

Hey, thanks for the great feedback, really chuffed. Elph, An idea for you, I thought the beat really got going on l2. What do you think to making line 1 your title? That's given me an idea actually. I think that may be too cumbersome for the title? But I'll use it as the last line, as I'm not over k...

Hey thanks Ray.

Good suggestions.

I agree, I failed on "outta" - trying the newspeak, perhaps I'm not "hipper" after all!

"Deet" is what is contained in anti-bug spray.

CD

Does God have something to say? Clever this, many layers. You have the two old gents discussing "global warming" which has been known to create bizarre instances of sky fallage. Then you have "fewer" people visiting the park - perhaps a dig at the mass hysteria syndrome of today...

I went into the butchers the other day and asked for a piece of beef from the top shelf.

He said: No chance, the steaks are too high!

Very funny. Not the joke, your poem.

Revision I'm hipper than my daughter who oughta know better, but I caught her, pimping a ride R and B'd out of her mind, listless, horizontal on a vertical decline... Shine I cried shine - blind she cried blind. Each to the other - resigned - other to the each we happened to reach for a simultaneous...