Search found 54 matches

by Jim
Sat Oct 08, 2022 1:20 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Abergavenny Small Press
Replies: 16
Views: 939

Re: Abergavenny Small Press

Beautiful poems and pictures. Congratulations, Phil.

Jim
by Jim
Sun Oct 02, 2022 12:29 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Social Progress for Emmet Till, or Maybe Not
Replies: 4
Views: 381

Re: Social Progress for Emmet Till, or Maybe Not

I wasn't sure if the narrator was you or a persona you took on when writing the poem. I wouldn't think it was the same poet who wrote this and that song about his lover's eyes. If you can identify the portions which indicate a chip on the speaker's shoulder, "He wasn’t the first. New acquaintan...
by Jim
Sun Oct 02, 2022 3:58 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Social Progress for Emmet Till, or Maybe Not
Replies: 4
Views: 381

Re: Social Progress for Emmet Till, or Maybe Not

Hi Caleb, this is a sad poem and yet it's kind of funny. I think the narrator, who seems to have a chip on his shoulder, needs to learn how to spit. :)

I prefer the shorter version.

Jim
by Jim
Wed Sep 28, 2022 4:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Death of a Blogger (shortened by 7 lines)
Replies: 21
Views: 1273

Re: The Death of a Blogger (new version)

I prefer the earlier version in tercets, which give the poem a more conventional appearance. But I don't think there's much difference between it and the later version. Your free verse is fairly measured and your blank verse is fairly free. The poem becomes rather sententious toward the end. I like ...
by Jim
Thu Sep 22, 2022 10:18 pm
Forum: Music and Song Lyric Discussion
Topic: The Chain
Replies: 3476
Views: 340307

Re: The Chain

Sorry to hear that, Fliss. I hope you recover soon.

Regards,
Jim
by Jim
Sat Sep 17, 2022 1:21 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Stickies
Replies: 8
Views: 783

Re: Stickies

An enjoyable poem, Ray, vigorous and colloquial. The only suggestion I have is to add 'the' or 'his' before performance in the penultimate line.

Jim
by Jim
Fri Sep 16, 2022 12:34 pm
Forum: Post-a-Translation
Topic: from Rilke's Book of Hours (revised)
Replies: 4
Views: 1846

Re: from Rilke's Book of Hours

Thank you, Fliss and John. I appreciate your taking the time to read this and comment on it.

Jim
by Jim
Fri Sep 16, 2022 2:58 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: My Lover's Eyes
Replies: 4
Views: 424

Re: My Lover's Eyes

Hi Caleb, I think this works better as a song than a poem.

Jim
by Jim
Wed Sep 14, 2022 2:18 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Metaphysics of Thirst
Replies: 4
Views: 383

Re: Metaphysics of Thirst

Hi John, I like this poem. I enjoyed your meditation on that famous line. Do you know Richard Wilbur's ballade in which he uses the line as a refrain? "Duke, keep your coin. All men are born distraught, And will not for the world be satisfied. Whether we live in fact, or but in thought, We die ...
by Jim
Wed Sep 14, 2022 1:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Translation
Topic: from Rilke's Book of Hours (revised)
Replies: 4
Views: 1846

from Rilke's Book of Hours (revised)

(second revision) Perhaps I'm traveling through heavy mountains in hard veins, as in an ore alone, and I'm so deep within I can't see far or to the end, for all has become near and all that's near has become stone. I still have no experience of sorrow, so this enormous darkness makes me small; but i...
by Jim
Tue Sep 13, 2022 2:35 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: What Poem Do You Wish You Had Written?
Replies: 7
Views: 4485

Re: What Poem Do You Wish You Had Written?

Hi John, I think Wilbur, like Frost, has lodged a few where they won't soon be forgotten--at least by me. Yes, Caleb, "Digging for China" is by Wilbur. I copied and pasted it from an ebook, but I have his Collected Poems in hardback as well. In fact, it's in the same collection, Things of ...
by Jim
Mon Sep 12, 2022 5:19 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: What Poem Do You Wish You Had Written?
Replies: 7
Views: 4485

Re: What Poem Do You Wish You Had Written?

Love Calls Us to the Things of This World ..... The eyes open to a cry of pulleys, And spirited from sleep, the astounded soul Hangs for a moment bodiless and simple As false dawn. ................... Outside the open window The morning air is all awash with angels. ..... Some are in bed-sheets, so...
by Jim
Thu Sep 08, 2022 2:28 am
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: John's Book
Replies: 8
Views: 668

Re: John's Book

Congratulations, John. It looks like an interesting book. I downloaded it and will read it.

Jim
by Jim
Tue Aug 30, 2022 3:17 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Translating Virgil
Replies: 4
Views: 392

Re: Translating Virgil

Hi John, I enjoyed your poem and wondered if you were imitating Virgil's hexameters. This line seems like hexameter: the HEro is FAR from ITaly's SHORES / there's SNOW on the GROUND But other lines seem to have seven, eight, or perhaps even nine beats: and HIS comPANions COME to CARthage / LEAVE it ...
by Jim
Sun Aug 28, 2022 6:11 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Oresteia
Replies: 7
Views: 468

Re: Oresteia

I enjoyed your poem, John. The ancient Greeks must have valued their soldiers more than they valued their poets. My favorite play by Aeschylus is Prometheus Bound (if it is by Aeschylus), and then there's Shelly's Prometheus Unbound, which I haven't yet been able to get through.

Jim
by Jim
Thu Aug 11, 2022 4:13 am
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: John Isbell in The Ekphrastic Review
Replies: 7
Views: 761

Re: John Isbell in The Ekphrastic Review

Yes, a lovely poem. Kudos, John.

Jim
by Jim
Mon Aug 08, 2022 10:11 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Sparrow (revised)
Replies: 26
Views: 1850

Re: The Sparrow (revised)

Thank you, Fliss. I like chirping too and will keep it.

Jim
by Jim
Mon Aug 08, 2022 1:04 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Sparrow (revised)
Replies: 26
Views: 1850

Re: The Sparrow (revised)

Hi Miles,

Thank you for the suggestion. You are right, chirping isn't really necessary. Bu if I cut it, the line would have only three beats:

a SPARrow, i CAME to a HALT

The line would then seem like trimeter to me.

Jim
by Jim
Sun Aug 07, 2022 1:16 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Sparrow (revised)
Replies: 26
Views: 1850

Re: The Sparrow (revised)

Hi Not, thank you for coming back to look at this. I think 'as' functions like a conjunction in that line: it's like 'and yet' or 'but yet'. I was thinking about the changing season and the passage of time. Now I think it's time to say goodbye to this bird and let it fly away.

Regards,
Jim
by Jim
Sat Aug 06, 2022 2:56 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Sparrow (revised)
Replies: 26
Views: 1850

Re: The Sparrow (revised)

Hi, Martin and JJ. I appreciate your taking the time read this and comment. Thank you!

Jim
by Jim
Fri Aug 05, 2022 12:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Sparrow (revised)
Replies: 26
Views: 1850

Re: The Sparrow (revised)

Thanks Phil and Caleb. Yes, I plead guilty as charged: an inveterate tinkerer. :oops:
by Jim
Fri Aug 05, 2022 12:59 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Sparrow (revised)
Replies: 26
Views: 1850

Re: The Sparrow (revised)

Thanks Phil, Caleb, Fliss, Ray, Not and JJ. I have posted a revision above.

Jim
by Jim
Thu Aug 04, 2022 2:38 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Sparrow (revised)
Replies: 26
Views: 1850

Re: The Sparrow

Thanks, Ray. I thought about cutting it, but then felt I needed the modifier and wanted to fill out that line.

Jim
by Jim
Thu Aug 04, 2022 1:14 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Sparrow (revised)
Replies: 26
Views: 1850

Re: The Sparrow

Hi Fliss, I appreciate your taking the time to read this. I am glad you like it. I understand your confusion about the seasons. Here where I live the maples trees hang on to their leaves until late November or early December. So it may not be winter officially, but it sure feels like it! I will cons...
by Jim
Wed Aug 03, 2022 3:51 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Sparrow (revised)
Replies: 26
Views: 1850

Re: The Sparrow

Hi Phil, thank you for reading this and commenting. I always appreciate your thoughts.

Hi Caleb, thank you for reading and commenting. You are probably right about it being a cliche. As for the heard/bird rhyme, I think I prefer it to heard/words. But thank you for the suggestion!

Jim