Poetry Forum

David wrote:But how does your dog feel about Bach, Denis?

He loves Bach. Trouble is he sings along with the Cantatas.

It's not meant as a serious piece. But my dog really doesn't like Philip Glass. I'm not sure how serious that is.

I go along with Brian and Ros. I think that it is difficult to write a polemical poem without it losing its worth as a poem. It does read like journalism. It is this sort of poetry that leads me to believe that it is not the job of the poet to tell the audience what to think. This is very much somet...

Apologies Brian. I couldn't resist posting this one. It's an oldie and someone said it reminded them of Laurie Anderson Oh Superman

My my my my my my my my dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog does.. does... does.. does... does.. does... does.. does... n’t n’t n’t n’t n’t n’t n’t n’t like like like like like like like like Phil.. Phil.. Phil.. Phil.. Phil.. Phil.. Phil.. Phil.. lip lip lip lip lip lip lip lip Glass Glass Glass Glass ...

Whilst the Pope's visit is still fresh in everybodys mind those last couple of lines are going to get snarked at. However a few months from now this poem will still be around and the memory of the visit will be bludgeoned by something else and those last few lines will not have the same relevance. I...

I think that Pleides has a point. For me though it is the third couplet that blows it. There is no need for it. It's like that scene in the worst Pink Panther film where someone farts in the elevator. I like this though. I have a weakness for couplets. i reckon you could work this into a sonnet. Yea...

Hmm. Much to think about on this. This poem is my most popular and I think that Brian is right. There is a lot of sentimentalism in it. I don't like it all that much. It's a few years old but I thought that there was something more I could do with it. I'm not religious but I love using religious ima...

Suzanne, I don’t like the first draft at all. I think I could never get past the first stanza. Anyhow this second draft is excellent. Poems like these always confuse because they give the impression of telling a story and so the approach can sometimes seem as if you are reading prose. The strong poi...

There are shapes that glide along the streets of Tuebrook looking for a past they once were part of, finding occasional change in telephone kiosks though never enough to dial home. They greet the new day as their tormenter with pleading gestures; showing nothing in their pocket but the dust of yeste...

I'm not too sure about that dishonesty thing. It seems to me that it would be the other way around. Why on earth would total strangers decide to be dishonest? Face-to-face however, it is understandable. But the whole point of criticism is that it should be objective and that the person on the other ...

Thanks Peter (correction made). looking at my comment it does come across as Uriah Heep. I never really looked at this poem with a view to reedit. I hold that nothing is beyond improvement and that stands for this poem. I reach a point where I have some poems that I think are 'done'. So any suggesti...

Bren, I like this. I particularly liked the ‘gun’ at the end. Not only does it provide a surprising image, but also the ‘uh!’ sound provides a surprising note. My concern is with the second line. I wonder why Brahms and Mendelssohn who have greater recognition for more total music than piano composi...

Denis, how about you start this from Ground mirrors sky and skyline, sweet wrapper s rustling with each hard step. B. I almost wonder if it is a little overloaded and that some of them don’t carry their own weight. With that first line, the opening feels contradictory – there’s the warmth and the q...

against the vastness of the river . We trickle over the collapsed river bank, past houses hidden by rubble. We pull the wealth of the river away from here. Many rivers to cross Sharra. This is a lovely crafted poem except for the overuse (in my opinion) of river in such a short poem. The river usua...

Ray, This is excellent. Some might see it as gloomy i think it's a celebration of how anything can be made beautiful. I've read it over and over. I can't agree with Geoff. I think the phone image is a master-stroke. There is a sort of pounding with each image, reinforcing the music of the piece. May...

I must leave here, I cannot breathe this warmth. World-grey envelopes the quiet coldness whilst the ground mirrors the sky and skyline; sweet wrapper rustling with each hard step. The mist takes on a smell of water paint: swirling colours in a jam-jar, like vomit. I stiffen knowing I will lose somet...

I don't go along with the need for the poet to explain. I sometimes think that it is our duty to confound and to be confounded. So mentioning Schroedinger's cat is, in my opinion, a no-no. What I would suggest though is to get rid of that last line, it doesn't give any sense to the narrative it come...

I've just tried reading that first line as "You're origami man" rather than "Your origami man" and the syntax jumped into focus and made sense. Is it a typo? it makes sense to me using Delph's suggestion (It would also add a touch of humour as in the way that the killer in movie...

This is excellent stuff. The flow of it is great and it travels in and out of (sense of) time brilliantly. I don't agree with Brian about the use of 'Shards'. If it sends the reader off to find out something that they were ignorant of, then well done. But I think that poetry shouldn't be about lexic...

I like this a lot. it shows an excellent grasp of the needs of poetry. I wonder if you should not be on the experienced. Thjis is really great stuff and I have read the the other poems in the sequence, I wonder if you might think of putting them together and posting it on the experienced site. There...

Some whooped with joy, others stood with their mouths hanging open. John I like this a lot. It shows an innate feel for structure and melody. You build things up well and there is no sense of forcing the reader into your world but into the poem's world. And that is good. That said, I think the stan...

Marc, the start of this reminded me of Edwin Morgan's poem Opening The Cage which is made up from a quote by John Cage. This has a feeling that you are/were trying to overcome writer's block. I like the opening stanza but I can't see the point of the rest. The 'spiders on the web' thing is a bit hac...

I like the first two lines very much. In fact, I'd be tempted to cut all but those lines from the first stanza. the repeat of "the awakening" is a little clumsy, to my ear, and probably unnecessary? Similarly "through the slats" . . . Hmmm! The slats is a difficult one. I recall...

Cheers Marc,
that fourth line needed to loose something and as for the brackets: well it made sense at the time. Now that you mention it, i can't recall why I did it. Anyhow I think your suggestions improves it.