Poetry Forum

Bombadil,

I've been at a computer most of today programming and I know that a computer can certainly make me feel angst and discontent. Maybe they do understand...

...OK I think i've been in front of this screen for too long.

Good point. There is something about chess that brings the two a little closer together. This has reminded my of a poem I read a while back. I can't remember the name but it's about the way science and poetry are viewed by the world. I think it might've been translated from Russian? Anyway the first...

I thought it might be easier to copy the main point into this thread: Surely art attempts to capture the fundamental truths of science: the human form, nature, the mind & body's emotional responses. I know I might have trouble arguing this side of the debate on a poetry forum but wondered what o...

Minstrel, Maybe this should be one of the poetry discussion topics but: Art is greater than science, I said that. It touches closer to truth Just wondered why you think this. Surely art attempts to capture the fundamental truths of science: the human form, nature, the mind & body's emotional res...

Sorry Bombadil, it was just a thought. Maybe as a one off once or twice a a year rather than once a month.

Hello Everyone, First of all I'm sorry if this has been discussed before and decided against, but I was wondering if anyone had ever considered the possibility of having a challenge/competition once a month with a suggested theme or form for a poem. I just thought it would be interesting to see the ...

Very dark; I love it.

Perfectly executed too. I agree with Lemur: the 'loyal lobotomised' is a great line.

Figure

P.S. I think you may need help. Looking forward to seeing your next poem... in crayon.

OK I get it now. Sorry it's still a little early for me. So the "glowing something" was still in the tree not on the ground with the fallen leaves.

Thanks for clearing everything up. By the way, can't remember whether I commented but I really liked "smoke"

Figure.

I think I was just confused by the "nape of you neck" line. I couldn't work out which part of a tree the neck would be. As you talk about fallen leaves I assume you see the trunk of the tree as a neck with the nape at the bottom where the roots are. This is fine but later you talk about th...

I think I've missed the exact analogy here. I can sort of see what it's hinting at but it's not very clear. Could you tell me what you were trying to get across?

I love the line:

We have grown quiet together

It's very simple yet touching.

Figure.

Please don't change cleft to clef. Yes in music it is a treble clef, but I assumed it was a very clever play on words after the "leaf’s veined palm" line: cleft: Having indentations that extend about halfway to the center, as in certain leaves. also cleft: A crack, crevice, or split. (defi...

Easy...

Somewhere I have never travelled by e.e.cummings

On The Booze by John Hegley makes me laugh.

Also, I know it's a lyric to a song but I love the words of Hey, that's no way to say goodbye by Leonard Cohen.

I aggree with alex. Try a new username and maybe post something new that you've written, not something from your blog (although I've not seen it; there might be some good stuff on there). If you put your blog in your profile as your website it's a good way for people to decide whether they want to r...

Thanks for the comments, as always they are much appreciated. I'll have a think about how to improve those lines.

Cheers

F8

Thanks for the comments I'll have a think about that line. I played with a few alternatives, maybe I picked the wrong one.

F8

An inky vortex of emotions,
hidden words,
packed tight.
Turning feelings into shapes:
Circles and lines,
Crosses and dots.

Your motions are memories,
ups and downs,
underlinings.
Movements moving people,
pushing away
and calling home.

But drained by passing time and paper,
You fade and fail.

Thanks again everyone. Think I might leave it now for a while and come back to it at a later date.

Pseudonymous; you've lost me.

I'm very cautious of posting on the boards without constructive critism now. But in the case of this peice there's nothing that I can see that could be changed. I was pretty sure that: I voiced no jealousy; though the chalk of their bodies were closer than ours were. would be the be the best thing I...

I've tried a couple of things to replace the final stanza of this peom. Could you give me you're opinions on this as a slightly more humourous ending? Again be brutal. I'd expect no less from you all. There was a time when we used to lie together, and in a funny way I suppose we still do that. But t...

Thanks alot for the advice everyone. kj: do you think the last stanza should be dropped altogther? On reflextion it's a little forced to justifiy the the single pun. Thought the suggestions you made make alot of sense. I might try and rewrite it tonight if the insomnia hits again. rachel: I think yo...

I could really do with some help with this. Your harshest criticism will be gladly received.

F8

There was a time when you would move under my fingers, but now that’s once a month? and often less. And although the memory of you naked lingers, now, you turn your back while you undress. There was a time, somewhere back around the start, our bed was breathless, and not just filled with sighs, when...

Hey Camus Great imagery. I’m impressed with the many beautiful ways you’ve found to describe something that most people would only see as being sad or repulsive a monument with the saddest eyes and gorged old corset bones protruding through resisting hide are truly great lines that I’m sure I’ll rem...

Hey kj, I really liked this poem. Especially the last 2 lines; masses of gulls indicating the molten streak of the effluent pipe). What a great image. Maybe it's just me but I didn't get the metaphor of the effluent stream symbolising crappy communications clogging the channels that Arcadian picked ...

I feel like I’m trapped in a musical, but it’s one that I’m sure I’ve not seen. The cast's faces all look quite familiar, and the locations: all places I’ve been. But I can’t seem to think what the words are. As for dance steps I haven’t a clue. Please somebody show me the way to the wings as I’m su...