Poetry Forum

Hello Meesha Thanks for dropping by. I will think of what you suggestion in revision. This piece not only suffers from poor meter and rhyme, it has other more essential problems like poor English and punctuation, not to say anything about images that don't seem to be tied together. Unfortunately I r...

Hello og Your critique is most helpful and appreciated. Your comments about my English and punctuation are valid and I plan to improve them. I personally don't consider rewriting arrogant in any way, you gave me suggestions and it's up to me in the end to consider them or not - I will. This reminded...

Thank you so much for commenting, I will take your suggestions in to consideration.
Nino

Nar don't you check your pm inbox? Not here

Hello Nar

Haha I have a feeling I have seen it somewhere.(wink)

Nicky Thank you very much for your comment. I am glad you took something out of my poem. It was interesting what you wrote and kind of disturbingly beautiful :) If a corn field was to grow on someone's grave and we ate it, I guess it would mean we ate this person (in a way). Oh my God thank you in r...

Nicky

I had no doubt N was talking about car crash. I thought it were paramedics rushing to the scene to lift a body

Arian Thank you for stopping by. I've read the poem you posted and it showed me of how much more can be done to make my poem better. She has a really strong images and word choices. As for punctuation you are totally right, upon rereading it -after posting - I already noticed that punctuation keeps ...

David

I post it here because I value each suggestion or an effort, even if I don't agree.

Ah David What a beautiful poem! I wish I would ever write something remotely as beautiful as this. You know I was reading about body decomposition for a little research and it downed on me that no matter how much I wanted my brother's death to carry on in beautiful flowers and plants, I can't escape...

Clara (I hope I got your name correctly )

Thank you for your thoughtful and line by line comments. It will definitely help me make this poem better. Thank you for correcting my punctuation and giving me suggestions for different words.
Nino

Hello Neil I quite like this, it's short, simple and clean. I assume that N is painting the picture of nature and the fact that she is counting everything in her picture makes me think she has a kind of ocd, which makes this piece more interesting for me. But I doubt that was your goal so would you ...

You sleep beneath a lilac tree, it grows out of your hair. In April it sprinkles you with white and purple dandruff. Your fingers merge with roots, toes erupt from shoes and grow into a Hawkbit and Plantain. Your veins once blue, now green still pulsate - now with maggots, but they too live and part...

Hello The poem started extremely promising, I like first stanza and a first line of second. My problem here is that your images are all over the place: trees are like brides then witches and faggots and after the story turns to "I " too abruptly. I really like trees like brides it is new, ...

Sharra Really good poem, I enjoyed reading it as much as something sad can be enjoyed. I like the way N takes the reader from accident to burial. I think the strongest image was the one with black shoes (sorry can't copy/paste from mobile) because it portrayed well how N is immersed in his grief jus...

Pete

I like the sound of tick les tock

Ray and Nicky

Thank you so much for your advise. I will take it on board.
Nino

David I apologise that is why I should not post while my baby is still awake
Nash I don't get offended easily and you can have your opinion, I just think dismissing other poster's opinion us not nice that's all.
Let's just leave it, I will not counter comment because we can go on for a while: )

David Since I don't have a pm, I have no choice but to address you here. This is not a first time you spoke of me indirectly. When stating that you disagree with me you are dismissing opinion offered by me to the writer. I merely gave him a suggestion and I think he can decide what to take on board....

Haha David just hit me did not think of that.
Good

Ray I am sorry to bug you like that, but could you please elaborate? Why should I not use images that work on multiple levels? I would easily accept that you just don't like the poem, but things you say don't make sense to me. Must we only write about subjects which are only well known by certain am...

Hello Pete I can't comment on the meter since I am not good at it, I do still have some suggestions. What I like is tick a tock and as I understand clock still works so when you say it's frozen you contradict yourself, especially in the end it still announces time. Then I don't understand how it can...

Hello Ray I've been thinking about your comment about my poem being something Borat would say, I still don't get what you are trying to say with this. Is it because that poor use of the English language reminds you of his silly accent or is it because you find topic explored in poem relevant only to...

Ah Calico I would love to answer you, but would not like to discredit Georgian men publicly. Ray thank you for comments. Can someone please enlighten me of who.is Borat? As uneducated as I am in poetry only thing I associate with name Borat is Sacha Cohen (hope spelled it right) and I really don't w...

Calico thank you for reading and commenting your suggestions will help me in revision. Please don't show this to Georgian man or he'll seek me out and kick my but:) I've been living in UK on and off and never met anyone Georgian so I am happy you know one. Don't worry I am not him as I am a girl:) T...