Poetry Forum

Thank you both very much for reading and commenting. I will definitely consider your suggestions in revision.
Nino

Ray thank you
and really good points, you pointed out most of the flaws, I posted this somewhere else and got same responses, but did not wanted to change anything just yet until I got your opinions so I can look at everything together during the revision.
Thank you

Ben I like version two. I really love the beginning, you paint such a good image. I have fed a horse when I was small and this image is so vivid and clear, well done. I like the ending too as it goes well with the beginning and a horse. This piece is quite short and yet you manage to tell the story ...

Ben

I am glad to be back and missed you all here (even the nasties, just kidding). I have not been writing much, but hopefully taking a break will help me to do it again.
thank you for pointing out my errors and I am glad you enjoyed it.
Thank you again
Nino

Ros

this is so beautiful and amazing!
you have really good word choices here and images are so original and pretty, the whole piece flows so well almost as a song. I have not found anything to dislike.

Hello Suzanne I like this piece, I love "Betty's bitter batter" sounds so good. Only thing I do not get is the title, I know it is farewell party, but in the piece itself I get no hint of it. Maybe it is just me. There is a party but somehow the piece is disconnected from the title for me ...

Your bruises, I could see the morning glory in them, or lilac branches bowed with the April rain, but they are just your bruises that’s what they are. Your eyes, once reminded me of azure lakes spread beneath the cloudy peaks, where grass turns into reed but now they look like mud puddles steaming u...

Thank you guya for sharing your work with us, was pleasure to read them and congratulations!

Mr. Black

Thank you for sharing. Made me laugh, you maneged to turn such a grim subject into humor.
I still think the whole first stanza can be scratched off and rewritten.
Your poem becomes alive from S2.
Good job.
Nino

Ros wow One of the beautiful poems I read on here. Actually it does not sound too scientific as you maintain your voice throughout the whole poem, the voice which is not cold or emotionless. I love images, I love the trees glowing with foxfire, roots braided like shoestrings, few more images, but sa...

I agree with both Arian and Elphin The thing is judging from the first image I automatically had certain expectations about the poem, but it did not go to that direction. More I genuinely don't get a grasp of who N is or who he is talking about, but those images were so good that I still enjoy the p...

No thank you for sharing. Look I am not en expert in art - far from it, but I love the feeling it generates. I want to be standing there right now.

Ros

I don't think it is. I have send you e-mail before, I can receive pm, but can't send any. I just sent you one, have you received it?

Wow they are beautiful, I love the first one so much.

Brian

Day moves like wall of sound and light is such an amazing image. Wow.

David and Ben

You expressed your opinions and even if I disagree, I respect them. That is why I will not carry on this discussion, especially we have hijacked someone's post:) if you wish to debate about the subject please feel free to e-mail me, since I still not have a PM:)

Calico Please don't get discouraged, I am offering my thoughts as one of the.readers. There are more experienced critters here who can give you better feedback. I do think it's important for the writer how public reads his work, so I as a member of public offered youy opinion. No one says I am right...

Ray I am not a spy no:)) I can't broadcast other website publicly.
As soon as anyone hears I come from post soviet union they assume I am a spy:)

Ray I watched first King Kong in Moscow on holidays with my parents when I was about 6:) I think you are referring to some people who come to annoy some writers here? But surely our dear mods can sort it out? I apologise for my naivety, I come from extremely strict workshop where such things are ban...

Ray thank you for the complement. It depends how old are you for me to be considered young.
I don't think someone will read poem, then think about it, then right a comment just to be nasty. I don't know what is wrong with what I said

I agree with Brian and most of comments. This is rant. If you post your poem on workshop be prepared for a critique that might not be pleasant to you. I think it is unfair that you attack people who express their opinion about your work, no one is judging you, but the work you chose to give us to ju...

Hi Lolita I can't help but like your poems, you have a good, recognisable voice. But this poem has nothing logical in it and if you chose a metaphor you need to be careful to make it work on multiple levels. You admit yourself that toads don't wrap themselves in blankets, nor do they step and hope, ...

Hello Calico I like the idea behind this poem, it can become quite powerful, but language is way too simple, too much description and repetition. Your verbs are weak and images are not original. Take the baby laying on mother lika an angel on the cloud, this is not only a weak image, it is also conf...

Hi Mr. Black Second stanza is really strong and good, I would love another word then dealt though, something stronger. The beginning and the last stanza don't contribute anything to the poem, apart from weakening it. As many times as I said it before, I will repeat it again, show me the hell and I w...

Hello

Thank you for reading and letting me know what it made you feel.