Poetry Forum

Thankyou very much for all your kind words.
I was afraid I would be told this was just landfill, nobody likes to be told that!

Hi
Sorry, I don't mean to sound rude but I didn't really understand some of that..
But I get where you're coming from, and yes, I know it's too obvious now from the crits I have received. I will try and go back and change that.

Hello
Thankyou very much for taking the time to read and comment. I actually agree that the last 2 stanzas are too obvious. I now need to go back and revise this, using more subtle hints. Thankyou

October; Goodmorning, I heard from a passing ashen swan that summer was dear: he told me how amber sunsets embraced each balmy twilight, and how the stars gleamed. He said that you had spread your icy fingers now – that was all for another year. October; We all come and go. Soon, he’ll be back and y...

I liked this poem quite a lot. I really think the idea is good, and the rhythm works in a good way, giving the sort of 'tick tock' impression of a clock. I think the rhyming also adds to this. I loved the last stanza! Just a note for improvement - I agree that some of the rhymes were a little forced...

Hello
I really enjoyed reading this poem.
I like how you write about things that aren't cliche! This is far from cliche.
However, I think you should add more punctuation just to make it a little easier on the reader.
Keep it up!
Lily