Poetry Forum

John, Thanks :) Well, the "all we needs me and you" is the ironic way that people spend huge amounts of money in order to satisfy some strange "need" they have.. the emotional hole is there, so patch it with stuff instead of dealing with it. I mean- I dont need anything if I have...

Yes, it's really interesting.. who is learning to say goodbye? I'm curious. Is it death itself? Are you getting rid of it out the door freqently and asking it to leave for good- therefore why you ask it to learn to say goodbye for good? Of course, it will never say goodbye for good and eventually wi...

Hello, Hello... Thank you very much! :D Well.. the last two stanzas I was wondering how to form because the flow of the length of lines flows, but I couldn't decide how to write them.. this might make more sense to a reader: The irony is all we need's me and you, but it's lieu upon lieu that has tak...

Hello :) Thanks very much Lake, glad you liked some of the words I used for the translation. I must say my Chinese is also hugely imperfect- I did a lot of looking in dictionaries. My speaking and listening is a lot more fluent than me writing, but I'm getting better as time passes. You guessed corr...

一粒初秋的露水 挂在小草的脖颈 阳光的手指 一拈，便没了踪影 挂在小草脖颈上的露水啊 倘若你也是一颗佛珠 念你之前 我该许下怎样的祈愿 This poem is absolutely wonderful. Thanks so much for it Lake. This is my effort to translate it, hope you enjoy: O single dew drop at first sight of autumn, suspended upon the nape of fine grass, with one nip of sunshines finger, y...

Hello Lake, I've been posting some of my small efforts in the beginner's post a poem section.. and just found this! It's great because I'm a Chinese learner (been doing so for 9 years), and it's nice to see this great translation of a modern Chinese poem. I'll make sure I keep coming back to see som...

Please forgive: Bad spelling, bad grammar.. everything that's crappy about this. I just had to write it down cos it was up there and I didn't want to leave it there to rot, so here it is.. hope it's not too rubbish

Things upon things upon things upon things, clothes on the card and innumerable sins, spending the money it gives you the pins and needles of things upon things. Stuff upon stuff upon stuff upon stuff. You have a whole pile, can't that be enough? We dont have the money, and that can be tough, When i...

Hello Dave.. I believe you are if you say you are, but I'm surprised you are dyslexic, seeing as you seem rather more eloquant than the average Jo(e). Ever considered learning Chinese? Every word has it's element of picture.. it means that you can read it like a row of paintings instead of a row of ...

Thank you lovely people! That's a lovely thing to say as well Nicky，I do find all my best ones kind of spill out, so that's why I find it hard to edit myself as I go sometimes. That said, I should probably read more poetry, since I dont read a jot. I listen to some stuff, but barely ever read. Anywa...

Hmm.. from where I sit I get a massive feeling off this poem but not so much in the way of meaning or substance, it's like a really wonderful description of autumn as a woman, but without a journey.

I do love all the imagery though.. really strong.

Hello Nicky.. I really like the image of the anchor sinking into seconds, and the idea that time condences in such spots, like condensation on the window in the room and not on the other surfaces- the others dont matter so much as those, which is why they only stick on certain surfaces. Umm.. not su...

XD hahaha.. I didn't mean that this or you're not important to me, since I do like writing poetry and that's why I come here. Problem is I'm a single dad with two small boys (4 and 6), an ex who still hasn't bothered to sort through any kind of divorce or seperation agreement- basically who has.. er...

Hello! Thanks everyone. Yes it was written in a splurge and came upon me, hence the slightly (is this the right word?) dodgy structure and grammar.. ;) JP, I like your reworking. It's nice, slightly different feel, but great, thanks :) I'm thinking that the change of the last stanza would simply loo...

You're burning on your chair, hot head burning there, and for what do you scream? Split the peace, Split your head, curse your luck surrounded by yourself. Continue denying yourself, cower. Tidy yourself away, will you not? Or will you continue, taking your own advice and instead of seeing perfectio...

oooohoohoohohhhoo this is great!

What captures me is the subject. You seem to get sober as the day wares on! It's lovely!!!!

I also think stick with the original! I'm not punctuation expert or anything, so I wont comment there!

Ello John,

I liked some of these lines quite a lot...

I'm not sure that all the rhyming works for me, it seems like it resticts your thoughts in some places, and instead of being playful because of the rhyme, channeled.

Is it that I need you in return? As if my being is conditional on your feelings towards me? That I can only give provided that I can take bacK? That we can only swap toys? Give and take, or give and give? It all should be as boundless as I am. My heart never endlingly spews forth affection regardles...

Very nice. I like the bridge analogy, it bares no difference if it's something personal to you. Bridges are great, you can go from one place to the next on a bridge, passing over, as it were. I liked you starting to build for us a picture of the room, making it into something it wasn't. Of course, t...

Pauline, this is brilliant, I love it! You had me in stiches all the way through!

I dont really have anything more to say!

I noticed also that the meter is a bit "out" in places, not that it's a problem. I really liked it- I dont agree with Meesha, cos the first thing that comes to my mind with the word "rod" or "rods" is some kind of object of discipline. Wow- everyone's so despressed thou...

Well, flattened or flattered, I'm certainly flattered now! :D (I did mean flattened) Thanks for all your lovely comments! :) Hmm, speaking of the Weight/ Wait play on words- yes I was kind of slightly hesitant about this one. I actually had another weight/ wait and I left it out because that's where...

Hello RP..

Not sure to be honest. It's probably the.. err.. 4th poem I've ever written.. not sure what the rules are. I just put it down and see what happens. haha

I'll try to omit more commas next time!

That is unbearable, the weight of time, how you can wait, beneath, with a hand pawing at your fingertips, trapped under rubble, as thick as two children. The gentle claws of disappointment, stroke my hair, how pointlessly you reitterate, your need, while others, hearing your feelings expressed as wo...

Hello Kev, A bit depressing maybe? ;) hehehe I think there is a lot to be said for some directness and simplicity. Sounds and reminds me of some songs I know well, and while they may not be that "original" it makes them no less wonderful to hear- (take The Beatles "Let It Be"- re...