Poetry Forum

Thanks for the kind words. All your points are valuable. Been thinking about next version but just need to let it simmer for a while

Thanks folks, Some excellent feedback. Rightly observed this is early days. It all grew out of one image of the funeral. The image that everyone other than the loved one in the coffin had an umbrella. You are right about the grass. Technically the tears could wet the grass before it rains but such a...

Presents unopened under an unlit tree wrapped with love, crinkled paper and tape Tags of snowmen with orange noses and black hats, a christmas attire appropriate for the occasion. A pair of empty slippers by the fireside A family of heavy hearts at a joyous time Presents opened on the floor of the f...

I'm not going to critique this as simply put I love it. Captured my interest in every verse and led me through right to the end. Love it.

Richard, Its funny (im not picking on your poems) that I keep coming across your work on the forum and liking it. This is my favourite so far. Not sure of the protocol on the site but I thought the original was supposed to stay on and any changes (new versions) published below. I was wondering what ...

Thanks everyone for the positive feedback. I feel this is the best thing I have written to date. First poem that was written for the sake of writing a poem rather than just as a reaction to express how I feel.

Thank you Richard, The last lines are simply trying to highlight that while we think we are alone there is a world full of similar people. I.e. we are not alone in being alone. But the overall meaning for me (I emphasise for me) is unrequited love. And the difficulties and waste of life it causes. A...

Richard, I understand. I think I got to wrapped up in my insomnia lol. For me,3rd night no sleep, the reality warps. So the room literally moves for me hence my experience is very much like the last part. But I get the hallucinations references. If your stuck on what to do with it the best thing is ...

Here I stand on the cliff edge lantern in hand, braced against nature's screaming rage. My light to guide a ship home, to where the waters are warm and still. But there are no ships in sight. Just a lantern lined cliff of a billion souls braced against nature's screaming rage. Each waiting for a shi...

I know when I like a poem because I read it and read it and it never gets less interesting. I am not sure I would change anything. I am sure there are more experienced people on the forum that will have helpful hints. But I just like it so careful how you change it :->

Hi Richard, Nice. I especially liked 'The world feels like a soft emulsion yet sleep remains a breath away and reality's warped by deprivation of many night's required embrace." The warped reality from deprivation is something I suffer a lot with my insomnia so this really worked for me. Well d...

Hi, I have to say I struggle with this one. I would assume that it is trying to explore the question than answer it. But not sure it achieves that. Too complicated. Feels like an ad hoc stream of very bite size thoughts that do not lead one through any journey to a conclusion. But as they have alrea...

Richard, I liked it. However, I agree with with previous comments around being explicit. My personal view is that poems should be beautiful in their own right and that it is less important that a specific meaning is obvious. Leave the reader to draw their own meanings. "being too explicit is a ...

Firstly, thanks for banning Ros. I laughed. I have been away from the site for a long time and the last time I came back I read the same nonsense from Gavin and he was warned. So staggered that I returned and the first post I read (random pick) was the same. So thanks. I may now return more often. C...

Thanks again to everyone. John, you are right. I wrote this a long time back (one of my first goes at poetry). It was a useful lesson not to write how I feel but to write poems that make other people feel. I have written a lot more and a lot better since. But you are right, the last line was not nec...

Thanks John. Many months on since I write this I can see that. I wrote the poem reflecting a personal position. Now time has moved on and as a poem that line sticks out clearly. It needs a lot of developing and de- cliche'ing but it would be better positive.

Big thanks. Well spotted

Thanks JustShiris. I think I have gone on to write some better stuff (my last two poems). I have learned a lot even in the time I have been here. I hope you enjoy the forum and the poetry. I will certainly keep an eye out of your work.

S

Gavin, Many thanks for your input to my poem. There us obviously some tension around. As a fresh pair if eyes it seems like there is a lot of anger in some of the words. Personally and I know a few others are the same I come here to get away from stress and issues in my life. A place to escape and b...

Hi all. Thanks for all your feedback and I love the suggested improvements Bloggsworth. And thank you for the correction of anew. I had asked specifically for corrections as this is an area that takes me time and I have run out this weekend. I have noted the various 'wars' that have been going on in...

Doh! Thanks.

I found this poem to be surprisingly unambiguous actually. I really liked all of it. Maybe it is more because the opening is so good that you sort of know where it is going from the start and one's own mind fills any gaps. Whether that is a sign of a good poem I have no idea but I really liked it. I...

Hi, I really enjoyed this. I could clearly see the room and the noise and the whole image of the place. But And a deathly silence following babel Says I’ve tripped over his Kazaking cable! I really did not like the penultimate line as the last two felt like they were too constructed to make it rhyme...

Moon Moon half, gazing mournfully from dusk. How long to day when return it must to search amongst the stars, each night returning more complete, until in glory it beams a smile of one who is at last whole. Before waning once more and the search begins a new. This is a little request for help. I hav...

I agree with all your points. As it is written I would agree. The poem was supposed to be in two halves. One was the experience of the child. The second as the adult. Both are needed but I need to write the second half again as it completely fails to communicate what was intended. The idea is that f...

Thanks for the feedback. The two verses were supposed to be different ages. The first as a child, the second as an adult. Now you have said it I can see no reason why the reader would get that. I will work on it.

I get your other points too. I appreciate the pointers you have provided.