Poetry Forum

Jeez Brian lighten up! Yeah, I spend far too much time thinking about this stuff. A lifetime being aggravated about other people's anxiety about the fate of their souls. Arrrgghh! B. In passing, on my way to East Sussex, something to help you look on the bright side: The Emperor, being a god of hig...

Good poem Ben.
I think this could be a solid read; but at the moment the change of voice and mood in S2, S3 disrupt the read. Not that the voice is bad, it isn't - but you should have one or the other.

I think the title word is 'Backwoods'?

J.

I'm in the group of 'left alignmentists'.
The words are about right now - I like it.

J.

Some of the warmth of 'contented couples' emotion is now missing: Homely has been replaced with a slightly colder 'clinical'
Sorry

J.

A freeze frame on a human story, Vincent. It is untidy and needs smoothing out: especially in separating the good bits from the mediocre: and rise from the bed swallowing us with large hungry arms a happy, hairy, ogre of love. is a good bit We saw the kids with no dads in school they bound the playg...

Thanks for sharing this Ian.
I understand and respect what you are doing.

J.

I agree that this is a moody reminisce - if it was a song it would be moody-blue. I like the pace. 'rolling' is the wrong word for me; and sometimes the beat goes astray, especially not helped by the punctuation (or lack of it). I particulary like S1, 2 and 4. S3 breaks the mood and S5 seems a bit w...

David wrote:but what there was of Mercian Hymns (1971!) - quite a lot, actually - made me think that it must be one of the great modern collections.

I tried those and sank without trace

J.

brianedwards wrote: Did I say otherwise?

B.

No.
I was agreeing and expanding

J.

small edits done. the wax cascades down the bottle/the wax has cascaded down the bottle; as an arctic waterfall will (frozen in form) when winter arrives. Tomorrow the wax cascades are frozen, as arctic waterfalls will be at the onset of winter. Tomorrow the wax will be seen to have cascaded as arct...

Sorry Ant, we cross posted.
Perhaps my reply to Ray covers your concerns.
I'm glad you can get the wax/waterfall simile.



J.

Hi Ray, Did not Jesus say he was the light? And did he not go up to his father in heaven, and have we not gone into the heavens in our Geminis and such? And have we found heaven or seen god? And don't the faithful believe we are attacking their faith with science? And as an agnostic is our doubt bec...

Well I find this kind of comment profoundly frustrating, that a man of such obvious intellect and talent should become so bound up in such a pointless endeavour. B. Don't all those with 'religion' get hung up on a 'pointless endeavour' - genius or otherwise? If one can't define 'beauty' how can one...

Hi Suzanne, yes, Happy Christmas.
A skillful harmony; especially the colours and grain across the whole.



J.

Hi Richard, your focus between both leaf and tree distracts, although employee (leaf) and tree (employer) is a relevant metaphor. For awhile I tried no punctuation in following a modern trend but it didn't always work - as it hasn't here, for you. In S1 I would use 'despite' instead of 'in spite'. I...

Nicky B, I think this is building into a good thought-provoking work. For me there are still some issues with a confusion between invisibility and spreading (observable) contagion - the presence of both together has not been justified. I don't have a problem with S3; but it would help if it was re-d...

Ros, Arian, Ant Thanks for the read and your comments. At this stage perhaps it might help comprehension if I tell you that 'Titans' are the US expendable carrier rockets which were part of their space program. If this is unclear is there another way I can express man's quest to the stars (physical)...

Bottles gilded for Christmas. Candles pointing like Titans thrusting hope into the sky. Beyond which lies impropriety and the barren void for faith. Tonight the wax cascades as arctic waterfalls will at the onset of winter. Where are you now that I might feel your warmth on my open palms as darkness...

The dog is integral to their lives, the dog links the dichotomy of we are together but we are apart -public space, private space. It would be a pity to put him down, so to speak.
Good poem.



J.

This has changed into a nice poem - young David as a Shepherd learning to use his sling.
I'm not fond of the word 'discern' -perhaps 'select' is what is happening.
The timline with the stones seems out of kilter.
However, my nits are small.
Good work.



J.

OK Blogsworth

Crescent (new) Moon

J.

OK k-j
it's a typo. Put me in gaol.

I own up to an own goal

J.

Hi Ant,
coming late to this.
The poem (story) started with promise and fell away - all the way to the Frostesque finale.
I think you have it in you to write your own tale, without the constraints of Frost - and failing Frost.



J.

like

J.

Thanks Suzanne,
I enjoyed doing this (perhaps Megan did too) and it's a pity that those that signed up signed off instead.

Onward to the mad xmas fest.........



J.