Poetry Forum

yeah, the title is fine. the cold wind part is mirrored in the text and a breath is a very temporary but necessary part of life and that too is reflected in the poem's tone.

it doesn't matter with my stuff. i like the experience to be different with every read. experiment with how you read it.

yeah at least fix the title

true, but action genres are generaly considered "cheap" literature. i'm not saying every element of the story must be seamlessly synthesized into the story, it was just bad in the da vinci code. the real problem i had with it was that it has gotten so much praise from so many critics when ...

i'm working on it. the edit version should be up soon.

alright, but i'm definitly editing it a lot. as far as why i don't use grammar? I find, it always distracts me when i'm reading poetry unless it is extremely well placed. so, i just break my piece into lines instead of sentence segments. it flows better i guess. or maybe i'm just lazy. you decide.

the happenings in The Old Man and the Sea are internal not external. the fact that hamingway uses essentially all show not tell makes the happenings hard to percieve. plus he invented the iceberg theory about how only ten percent is on the surface and the other ninety percent is merely implied. but ...

If I had to propose a substitute for these miserable tales. I'd say try some Dickens or Hemingway. these guys wrote fucking brilliant stories. but even if you must have something modern, at least look to authors such as Tad Williams or Anne Rice. (sorry, to be biased slightly toward the horror fanta...

thanks for the tip. looking at it, i gotta say. both of you are right about this. actually i think i'll just take it down and try something new.

that's true enough. sometimes the causes are beyond your control as well and that leads to a downwards spiral. never fun, never done. so goes life.

Good lord, you must be kidding. This book was horrible! It was written as badly as the Harry Potter series. The elements of a story should be transparent and add to its effect not jump off the page, slap you in the face, and say, "LOOK AT ME, I'M A PLOT POINT." or "I'M WITTY, ADMIRE M...

it's a good poem. perhaps a tad contrived in parts but really not bad. the spelling was pretty grim, and i won't talk about the grammar, but i liked the imagery. i didn't really find any specific motive for his actions in the later part of the piece but i could have missed something.

the problem with this approach to depression is that you essentially divert your focus from it. what should actually be done is face it and discover its reasons. confront them and work on flatenning them out. that said, i realize that depression is not that simple and the confrontation of the cause ...

I can smell your perfect flesh you make me hungry all the time your finger summons me like a worm as smoke curls from your lips I see your eyes so startled suddenly in pain the shock of feeling takes you away from me I cannot follow you now because I cannot feel I am numb and you can’t change it you...

a good poem, i quite enjoyed it. one thing, if you focused on spelling you missed a basic. in the last stanza verse thing, you wrote "ill". i could be mistaken but from the context it seems you mean "I'll". another thing, if a word starts with a vowel the indefinite article would...

Thanks for the comments. i was blasted on absinth when i posted my reply. when i wrote the song i was stoned. the chorus does indeed lack something, but i've tried a number of times to rectify it and it gets worse every time so i decided to leave it be. right now, i am, strangely, sober and feeling ...

thanks.
cliche? i guess you could say it. i'm high/drunk... "drigh" on absinth right now. it's all good. really, i did cliche it on purpose in a few places. some play on words, i play on cliches. but thanks for the comment.

that was awesome! i can identify with this piece. i too feel like i live inside my head. but like the speaker i want to break free of everything, to be free. living in one's head can be really damn lonely.

hey, i'm new to the forum. i posted a few things here and there. other than that i've been reading a lot of other peoples' work. good so far. i was on a similar forum most of the way through high-school but i can't get onto it now...some damn thing about the cookies not being supported...anyway, i'v...

Hey, this is the first poem i've posted on here. it's actually a song. what do you think? Kinky Smiles I save for suckers and I’m smilin’ at you now. What do you think I’m thinking? ‘cause I’m smilin’ at you now. Backwardize addition but I’m laughin’ at you now excess malnutrition I’m so hungry for ...

Elliot Smith is bloody awesome! the only thing is, i can't listen to him without getting blackly depressed and i'm depressed enough as it is.

look the beauty of Floyd is you can listen to them in just about any state of mind. each time is a new and enthralling experience. you can seriously get fucking lost in the music. as far as which is best. well, since you forced me to pick i went with wish you were here. as was previously mentioned, ...

i'll be the weird one who likes The Crunge. That song is crazy. although, as far as playing the songs is concerned, i'd have to say that my favorite to play is Over the Hills and Far Away. That's just a good time. Although really, (don't crucify me for this) i'd have to say that, as far as guitar pl...

fucking beautiful

This is a song i wrote the other day. it's a tad random but the thing has a larger meaning than the individual parts. All these words get in the way of what I really need to say the killing pressure in me leaks from tiny holes and every day I’m worn away by petty trivialities this cannot be all ther...