Poetry Forum

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Yes i agree with Barrie, Although it is very emotive i'd like to be able to picture it.

Rain like drops tickle taps Plugged Flame blessed waters rise A lonely hair sails the high tide Waters purest innocence Taken by a plunging fizz Erotic motions rippling Niagra plungepool, bubbling Thrown by a river tribe A sliding body Causes rising jungle waters A brimming mixture Only the head afl...

Ok, thanks a lot Barrie, I think it was a bit of a half-hearted effort, to be honest. I'll keep writing, and see if i can come up with something better. adam

Invisible fan always breathing
usually caressing faces tenderly
with softly humming ghostly moans

I stepped upon
with wrapped clothes
a dribbled-upon grass
glowing with appetising dew

mirror vision
in ice cube puddles

dog leaded behind
tredding
imprinted stepping stones
on a newborn land

Definatly a lovely poem to read to a young child whos tucked up in bed, It's peaceful and simple. I like it

Paints a beautiful picture. I can imagine the gravel track and railway running side by side through a desert, and i picture the sun setting. Very exciting

Thankyou very much for the comments, i think i must have tried to rush the second stanza and i see i've definately lapsed into cliche. I'l have another go. Cheers, adam

I wrote this one about a dream i had,

Sounds like a speech from, star wars or something? It tells me lots, but i don't really get any enjoyment out of it.

huge chains stretch around your kneck
weighed down with remorse and self-pity[/quote]
I liked this part, The ending didn't really seem very poetic, more of an angry letter

ok, I can be bothered writing about others work, and i have now done so.

The stretching of the neck certainly grasped my attention, But I liked

hard twanged

if you follow sound.

Gave me an image of the Rolf Harris playing the rope guitar.

I found this interesting. It's almost like a love story mixed in with a horror film and a geography lesson. nice work.

I think it's great to write in the middle of the night, it's a quiet peaceful time, and theres no sunlight to distract. I like this poem, sounds like my life story.

A penny drops her lifetime spent technology, a burden Envy of the forest tribes happy lives where water is smelt and seen The gold, silver, red compass reads Fear and loathing north, south, west and east Travelled the seven seas To escape the humanley greed Saw a creature free, in the dark of the br...

I really like this poem especially

cool and flapping amongst
dovecote stars.

Tha imagery is imaginative.

I like the idea. I didn't quite get the point in parts though. Perhaps it's just me. My heated heart leaps to my coat. I wait in the moonlight for your secret car so that we may watch as one, heart to heart, in search of the magnificient red and mystical prison of love. I think you could miss out a ...

Some people were Blood spilled On trodden grass Piercing metal by their side Me and people, inside stories matched, misplaced a ringing, unheard Sirens arrive Question time Trodden grass, again examined minds walls of echoed anticipation frenzy locked up? fear a glimpse of seeing sunfilled joy - the...

Thanks for the comment Sean I think the ending is the best part for me personally. I like the idea behind the rest, but i don't think it's as poetic.

Once upon a time Is always, everywhere, everytime No different Not significant A believed movement Second by second Tick-tock Getting somewhere Tick-tock Still going Tick-tock Not where yet? Time is still, motionless An imaginery yet believed importance Living by the grandfather clock Grandfathers d...

Thankyou I'm pretty sure the meaning can be found, although maybe i need to make it a little clearer.

A field brimming with roses Tenderly blown, a soft breeze " A rose for every heart " a widow whispered Petals perturbed and blown Long ago she was shown Such a heinous vision Embedded in her eyelashes A flickering pain A death in vain, sharing her name For years and years Her house teems w...

Thanks, I feel like i have a better idea of what OC is, through your description. I'll have a look at some of Eliot's poetry. Thankyou very much for the help, i'm going to keep writing and see what i can come up with. Do most poets use OC ? take care , adam

Thankyou for the advice, Yep i can see now that the first line is rather archaic.

"objective correlative" - an objective event/thing/circumstance which corresponds to whatever emotion, thought, feeling etc. you're having.

Almost like a metaphor? Thankyou, adam

Nicely written, The ending is great! makes the sad times in the past seem so far away.